The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost, 1914

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- this is my favourite poem. I am not taking the road less traveled..."jalan sepi"

I Need A Change

Someone asked me last night of how many millions do I have in my savings account in order for me to get to know this lady. That ticked me or rather I felt, perturbed, by it. And I replied, "By the time I have millions in my saving account, she will be too late to get to know me".

I soooooo want to prove this to her. Just watch me!!!

Dear friends,

I'd like to tell you these ambitions. And I hope y'all can support me or at least, remind me about these aims I have.

1. I want to lose some 10 kilogram of my fat by 31st of December 2006. And subsequently, I want to stay or improve until I achieve my ideal weight by April 1st, 2006.

2. I want to buy a dark blue Mercedes Benz CLK 230 Kompressor, complete with AMG bodykit by next year, March 31st, 2006. That means I have three months to get an income of RM 7,000 per month consistently.

3. By June 2006, I or rather should I say, we, want to launch a business. Insya Allah, this business will generate money for me and my Alam Shah 93/97 friends for many, many and many years to come. Now, I declare myself a business man (I think my other 15 SASsian friends should call themselves as business men too).

I don't know how exactly I can achieve the first aim but I want to do it anyway. The second and the third....are piece of cake. If I want to compare them with the hardship of the founder of Honda, Mr Soichiro Honda had when he started his business years ago.

Support me and remind me of my aims. Only cheers, no jeers!!! Please.

Orang Muda & Perjuangan



Baru-baru ni aku ditanya oleh seorang veteran bekas pimpinan MISG di jalanan. "Eh, macam mana ni? Ramai bekas-bekas MISNA dah larut?". Kemudian tadi, baru saja disoal oleh orang yang sangat rapat dengan Dato Seri Anwar Ibrahim, "Orang-orang muda perlu bertanya pada diri sendiri apa yang mereka dapat sumbangkan untuk gerakan ini". Aku pun bertanya sendiri, apakah yang kita mampu lakukan untuk membuat sesuatu perubahan?

Kita merujuk kepada golongan muda. Golongan muda ini seharusnya ditujukan kepada kaum belia yang membawa maksud, golongan pemuda dan pemudi yang berumur di antara 18 tahun hingga 40 tahun.

Pertama sekali, persoalan yang perlu ditakrifkan dengan sebenar-benarnya ialah definisi perjuangan. Apakah yang dimaksudkan dengan perjuangan? Perjuangan dalam sudut apakah yang wajib dilakukan terutamanya oleh kami, orang-orang muda?

Kedua yang perlu dinyatakan sejelas-jelasnya, aktiviti apakah yang dapat dikira sebagai bahan sumbangan kepada pergerakan perjuangan ini? Apakah aktiviti lepak-melepak, sembang bersembang dengan kawan-kawan tentang cerita-cerita terkini politik dilihat sebagai pemangkin kepada kejituan pergerakan politik bersih?

Ketika tahun 1999 dahulu, sebelum aku pernah bertanya kepada seorang pegawai HEP di PPP, UiTM dulu tentang apa yang harus aku lakukan untuk membantu gerakan Reformasi. Katanya, jadilah seorang agen informasi yang benar. Be the agent of information. Don't be the agent of reformation. Dia mengatakan kapasiti aku sebagai pelajar ketika itu tidak membenarkan aku menjadi agen kepada reformasi itu sendiri.

Justeru, aku belajar untuk jadi seorang agen informasi. Membekalkan berita-berita politik. Menjadi tokan kepada artikel-artikel terkini tentang pergerakan politik alternatif di M'sia. Aku jugak menjadi kaki lawan kepada establishment. Selama 5 tahun, aku kekal dengan sikap 'berani kerana benar, takut kerana salah'.

Hari ini, aku bertanya kembali kepada diri aku sendiri. Di manakah letaknya tapak aku di dalam pergerakan ini? Apakah aku dapat memberikan impak sewajarnya kepada pergerakan ini?

Aku sebenarnya tidak mengharapkan balasan apa-apa bila aku berkhidmat di dalam gerakan ini. Niat aku cuma satu, aku mahu negara ini punyai pentadbiran yang bersih, kebajikan rakyat diberi keutamaan, ekonomi negara ditadbir secara telus dan jujur. Pemimpin dan rakyat bercampur gaul umpama tiada batasan prejudis sosial. Melayu, Cina, India dan kaum lain menjadi bangsa Malaysia. Itu yang aku mahu.

Aku sedar, perubahan arus politik perdana sedang berlaku. Aku dapat rasakan perubahan itu berlaku. Cumanya, aku tidak mampu lagi untuk memerahkan otak, apa lagi yang aku mampu lakukan untuk menjadikan impian aku menjadi satu kenyataan.

Penat Di Hujung Minggu



Minggu lepas Angah dah selamat dikahwinkan. Eh, bunyik lain macam ajer ye? Oh well, dia dah naik pangkat, bak kata tok kadi rock ari tu, kepada pangkat suami. Alhamdulillah. Setahun lebih bertunang, now dah jadik laki orang. Seriously aku tak tahu apa tugas aku sampailah hari diorang nak akad nikah. Tugas aku, jadi tukang amik gambar.



So, inilah dia some of the photos yang aku amik. Tertonggeng-tonggeng aku nak mengambik shot yang lawa-lawa. Konon-kononnya lah. Untuk tengok gambar yang lain-lain pulak, tunggu aku upload kat fotopages (bila aku terasa rajin nak buat camtu).









Oh, lagi satu.

SESIAPA YANG MAHU MEMBUAT RAKAMAN VIDEO DAN FOTO UNTUK APA-APA KERAIAN DI RUMAH, SILA HUBUNGI SAYA DI MXM659@YAHOO.COM. PERKHIDMATAN YANG DITAWARKAN IALAH RAKAMAN VIDEO UNTUK PENGHASILAN DVD DAN JUGA DIGITAL FOTO. RAKAMAN UNTUK MELAKUKAN ADEGAN-ADEGAN TERLAMPAU TIDAK DIBENARKAN (tapi boleh dirundingkan kalau harganya berpatutan!!).

Sekian, terima kasih!

Facts About Guys [verified by me]

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat and presentable girls.
2. Guys hate flirts.
3.When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.
4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.
6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
8. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
9. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow". .. so true.
10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.
11. Guys love their moms.
12. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.
13. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.
14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
15. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
16. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.
17. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.
18. Guys are very open about themselves.
19. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.
20. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
21. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.
22. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.
23. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
24. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.
25. Guys think too much.
26. Guys fantasies are unlimited.
27. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does! ... very true.
28. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!
29. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.
30. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.
31. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
32. Guys hate girls who overreact.
33. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationships.

Photoshop Altered Photos

We can do many wonder with Photoshop. I manage to put on same make up for these two ladies, so that they look much 'juicier' in digital photo. Hehehehe..

I'M BORED, THAT'S WHY I DO THIS

Your World View

You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content. You value kindness and try to live by your ideals. You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material. You respect truth and are flexible. You like people, and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you.

What Is Your World View?

Your Personality Profile

You are pure, moral, and adaptable. You tend to blend into your surroundings. Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends. You believe that you live a virtuous life... And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye. As a result, people tend to crave your approval.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth. At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked. In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve. How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?"

What's Your Power Color?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to give more than take in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Your Hidden Talent

You are both very knowledgeable and creative. You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential. Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them. As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT) You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

Almost One Year Ago

A year ago I wrote somewhere in my diary. I couldn't recall which sad episode in life I had which made me write this way. Anyway, it's good for me to review this because it teaches me to wake up from the sadness and smell the flowers of life out there.

Standing on the Edge
Novermber 13th, 2004

How would you feel when you stand at the edge, and can't do anything more to continue your journey? When you risk everything you have in chasing your dream? How about you feel helpless because you are stucked, get caught in situation you cannot get yourself out from it? You feel rage inside yourself. You feel angry. Dissappointed will be an understatement, either frustrated would not serve its true nature in defining the moment.

Building a bridge is what we are doing now. We build a bridge because we want to get to the other end of the bridge, looking for a new perspective and new insights. Or perhaps, looking for new relationship - to put it in perspective. But the bridge must be built from both sides. You cannot build a bridge from the middle and extend both sides to the riverbanks. It is ridiculous and not realistic at all.

After all, this is all a mere illusion and I get caught in this delusional moment. Everything is impossible.

Bitter is all I have now.

Dialog-dialog Menarik Minggu Ini



Dialog 1
Cik N: Gila laa..saya rasa temper saya ni dah melampau-lampau. Sampai Pengarah Hospital pun kena marah dengan saya. Saya menjawap balik kat dia tau!
Aku : Kalau you rasa temper you tu teruk sangat...you change la. Only if you want to change. If you feel like changing. Don't think, never think. Because it just won't do. By the way, tell me, how many of you friends yang bebetul sabar dengan temper awak?
Cik N : Hmm..awak laa. Tu pun tak tahu sampai bila awak nak sabar dengan temper saya.
Aku : Saya dah sabar dengan temper awak tu for one year and a half. If I can hold for that long, I am sure I can hold for more years to come.

Dialog 2 (tengah driving kat MRR)
Cik N: Haa apesal call?
Aku : Saja...tetiba rasa hati serabut.
Cik N : Laa..takkan tak tahu apsal rasa serabut?
Aku : lerr..mana la saya tahu. Anyway..dah lega dah..dapat dengar suara awak. Okay..ciao dulu ek?
Cik N : lerr...ok la..take care.

Dialog 3
Aku : Ishh Usop..aku ingat nak datang rumah ngko ngan bini aku. Cuma masalahnya..aku tak ada bini ajer lagi.
En Usop : Haa, apa susah?? Ko amik ajer bini orang...aku okay ajer.

Questions need to be answered

1. Can someone define, what it means to have a lust on someone, to like someone and to fall in love with someone?

2. Say if a person is so happen to like one of his colleagues who is suspected to be in relationship, should he tell her, or should not, fearing for rejection? And of course, spoiling the current friendship.

3. Is it true that opportunity in getting into a relationship is one time only? Does that mean, if we screw up the first one..we'll be fucked up for the rest of the life in getting involved with the same person again?

Can anyone who is either experienced or wise to answer these questions. Thank you very much.

Foto Hari Raya...Sikit Ajer

Satu Pengakuan

Beberapa hari lagi Aidilfitri. Beberapa ketika aku ada terfikir pasal aidilfitri yang aku sambut masa di Amerika. Aidilfitri yang paling membosankan masa aku berada dalam tahun dua. Orang lain sibuk di masjid, aku sibuk berlingkar di rumah Yao Neng. Aidilfitri yang paling meriah, masa tahun terakhir aku kot. Bagi aku, apa yang membuatkan Aidilfitri tu meriah ialah orang-orang yang disekeliling kau.

Bila bercakap tentang orang-orang yang bersekeliling....hmm, tak dapat tidak untuk bercakap pasal rasa keriangan. Rasa kegembiraan. Gembira kerana ada teman-teman di sekeliling. Gembira kerana ada orang yang sudi melihat apa yang kita buat, apa yang kita lalui. Saksi.

Bercakap pasal hal saksi, reminds me to this movie call Shall We Dance. Paradox. Two persons get together just to make sure he and she has a witness to each other's life. Not the ageless consensus of being together is actually for mutual love.

Maybe korang tak paham kot apa yang aku nak sampaikan. It's okay, not many people would understand my way of thinking.

I am wondering..when will I celebrate Aidilfitri with someone who is meaningful to my existence?

Even now, while performing the sunnah prayers, I ask The Boss to grant me my quiet wish; I need somebody. Someone who I am very comfortable with. I have my own flaws. Someone who looks me through my own flaws. Someone who I love to see her face regardless how shitty my day is. Someone who can tolerate my 'pushiness' attitude. Okay, I am an impatient person. If I want something, I want it fast. Willing to do anything in order to get what I want - fast.

Hahahaha..desperado eh? It's okay..I am not embarras to admit.

A dear friend told me before, he married a lady while at the same time, he still had a crush on his last girlfriend. He said, his love for his newly wedded wife wasn't full at that time. But now, he couldn't be much happier other than being with his wife. She may not be perfect, but she's for him. They both compliment each other.

Ahhhh..good for him. How about myself?

Kuharap sinar purnama hingga ke siang
Kuharapkan mimpi-mimpi bukan khayalan
Telah aku jelajahi seluruh benua
mencari pengertian..hidup yang sementara
Manusia beraneka ragam dan rupa
Ada yang jujur, ramai yang berpura-pura
Kusangka dalam ilmu dan pengetahuanku
Tapi ada waktu kuterkeliru
Kudambakan bukan sekadar yang dinamakan
kekasih yang menemani ke sana sini
Kudambakan sahabat dan teman setia
rela bersama...suka duka
Jadilah kau sahabatku kekasih dan teman
Hanya itu yang kuharapkan
Dalam susah, dalam senang
Kita seiringan
Semoga ikatan berkekalan.

Bertemu Kita di Masjid As Syakirin, KLCC

Lama aku tak bertemu dengan bekas Ketua UBM RPI. Kira-kira balik ada la sejak dari Januari ari tu. Masa nak balik ke M'sia, kami sama-sama naik satu flight. Kebetulan pulak, duduk sebelah menyebelah. Memang kebetulan sangat. Seorang di New York, seorang di Pennsylvania. Alih-alih berjumpa di MH94, flight from Newark to Kuala Lumpur. Alhamdulillah. Tapi lepas tu senyap ajer.

Lagi sorang, brother from Troy. The same place as Ketua UBM RPI. Hehehehe..hensem brader ni. Kalau nak dikirakan, lagi lama aku tak jumpa dia sebenarnya. Sejak dari tahun lepas kot.



So anyway, kami berjanji jumpa di Masjid As Syakirin untuk iftar sama-sama dan juga catch up latest news about each other. Memang rasa seronok toksah katalah. Masyuk gitu! Janji jumpa di Dome, tapi tak berjumpa jugak di situ. Si bekas ketua UBM ingat Dome tu...Dome masjid As Syakirin. Ya Allah, first time aku dengar orang kata camtu. By right, Dome kat dalam KLCC, bukan masjidnya. Siap dia bagi clue lagi kat mana lokasi dia. "Depan fountain mengadap kiblat". Terkial-kial aku mencari mamat ni sama member aku lagi sorang. Hampeh!

Hmm...Dome masjid? Ishh ishh ishhhh...

But well..alhamdulillah dapat jumpa sama-sama lagi. Seronok bercerita. Masing-masing rindukan suasana berbuka puasa di masjid di tempat masing-masing. Aku rindukan suasana iftar di State College Islamic Center. Diorang rindukan berbuka puasa di Masjid Hidayah, Troy New York. Memang, suasana lain sangat-sangat. Tak kira Arab, orang putih, melayu, semua campur-campur. Sembang-sembang. One thing, jemaah di masjid kami di US dulu sangat peramah, suasana ukhuwwah sangat terasa. Di sini, masing-masing buat hal sendiri. Fokus pada makanan. Maybe takut makanan tu lari kot.

Tak cukup bersembang waktu nak berbuka puasa..kami sambung di Restoran Nasi Kandar Pelita. Serius aku cakap, nak habis suara aku sembang dengan diorang ni. Terlalu banyak cerita yang nak diceritakan. Maklumlah, lama tak berjumpa. Lepas rindu habis-habisan. Heheheh..mengalahkan orang berkasih pulak. Well, aku terus terang cakap..aku sayang semua kawan aku.

Anyway..cukup cerita pasal berjumpa kawan-kawan lama. Now dah masuk 10 hari terakhir Ramadhan. Aku banyakkan solat malam. Serius cakap, aku tak solat terawikh pun. No harm done, cuma rugi saja. Sejak bermula 10 hari terakhir ni, aku tak tinggalkan lagi solat malam. Mengantuk macam mana pun, aku paksa diri bangun. Solat sunat tahajjud, solat sunat taubat, solat sunat hajat dan solat sunat istikharah. Sunat tasbih ajer tak buat. Last time aku buat solat sunat tasbih masa aku kat Alam Shah. Yang itu, memang seriously penat giler kalau buat. Sah-sah aku tumbang tersungkur cium sejadah!



Sempena almost nak raya ni..aku nak ucapkan selamat hari raya. Aku akan pulang ke Kuala Krai, Kelantan pada hari Isnin ni. Maybe gilir-gilir driving dengan ayah aku. 4 hari kemudian baru balik semula ke Kuala Lumpur. Pada sesiapa yang nak datang ziarah rumah aku, please by all means, dialu-alukan. Duit raya, minta maaf..saya tak sediakan. Tak mampu this year. Setakat nak berbual, bertanya khabar, beramah mesra...sangat-sangat dialu-alukan kat rumah aku.

Mohon maaf andai terkasar bahasa, terkurang ajar, terguris perasaan. Aku manusia biasa. Harap-harap dosa-dosa aku dengan korang diampunkan. Ini Hari Raya Aidilfitri yang pertama aku sejak balik dari US. Tak tahu nak expect apa. Raya pun sebenarnya dah tak terasa apa. Hari Raya, bagi aku, cuma untuk budak-budak. Untuk abang-abang budak, atau pun bapak-bapak budak...hanyalah satu lagi cuti dalam kalendar tahunan. Betul tak?

Okay, cukup merapu di sini. Kena stop untuk qiyamullail. Take care everyone. Sesiapa memandu di hari raya, berhati-hati di jalan raya. Sesiapa yang tumpang bas, keretapi atau pun kapal terbang, make sure bagitau pemandu kenderaan supaya berhati-hati di dalam perjalanan.



EID MUBARAK!!! EID MUBARAK!! EID KAREEM!!

Hilang Fokus



Dalam hiba, kulihat kejora bersinar
Kucuba berpaling tak terdaya
Cahayanya terangi segala...
Bukan pula niatku membalas derita
Namun kuterpaksa meleraikan
Keperitan yang tak terhingga - Bukan Niat Membalas Derita, Slam

Dah masuk berapa minggu dah ni, otak aku tak keruan sangat. First of all, waktu tidur aku dah messed up giler. Second of all, I don't have any focus at all. Semuanya dragging ajer. Patutnya dalam bulan Ramadhan la kita punya conscience boleh jadi lagi clear. Tapi bagi aku, makin parah pulak.

So dalam 10 hari terakhir dalam bulan Ramadhan ni, aku berazam nak buat qiyamullail. Semalam dah start buat. Solat tahajjud, sunat taubat, solat hajat...sampai sunat istikharah pun aku buat juga. Hmm..istikharah tu untuk benda lain. Tapi sekurang-kurangya, nak leraikan apa yang terbuku dalam hati. Masa berdoa pun, memang tak selindung-selindung. Buat apa nak selindung..kita terus terang ajer. Tuhan pun tahu apa ada dalam hati kita ni.

Manusia memang macam tu. Bila susah, bila terdesak, bila kalut..baru cari tuhan. Aku mengaku, aku pun macam tu juga. Waktu senang jarang nak beringat. Kalau nak dikira, sebenarnya sekarang ni waktu senang la juga sebab aku belom dekat nak mati. But who knows, tengah naik motor tiba-tiba boleh kena langgar dengan lori ke. Nauzubillah. Tak sempat aku nak bagitau kat orang-orang yang aku sayang yang aku sayang diorang (nak bagitau sebenarnya, tapi segan!!).



Kalau nak dikirakan sebenarnya..waktu aku di US dulu..lagi senang nak dapat peringatan. Maksud aku, hidup aku sentiasa terdedah dengan seruan tuhan. Waktu cuti saja, kita ramai-ramai pergi program agama. Waktu cuti saja, kita ramai-ramai pergi program ziarah. Asal jumpa ajer kawan-kawan satu geng, masing-masing bicara agama. Social circle aku masa di sana dulu, boleh kata dalam 70% tu semuanya orang-orang dakwah la. Yang lain-lain tu semuanya biasa-biasa ajer. Aku campur semua.

Tapi bila balik M'sia..pepaham sendiri lah. Masing-masing bawak diri masing-masing. Buat aktiviti masing-masing. Hanyut, tenggelam, kira standard la tu. Bak kata Ustaz Idris Ahmad, timbalan Ketua Pemuda PAS pada aku dulu, kita larut dalam perjuangan. Hmmm..nak sebut perjuangan, berat sangat perkataan tu. Larut dalam kehidupan, mungkin betul lah kot. Hmm..lama tak jumpa sahabat lama, Ustaz Idris Ahmad tu. Hehehe kalau jumpa dia, mungkin boleh mintak tolong sikit kot. Usha-usha member-member NISA ke kan? Hahahahahaha...aisey mennn!!!

Aku percaya in three things. Book which I read, training/seminar that I attend and people that I mingle with. All of these can influence of who I will become and who I am now.

Hmmm...it must be more than this!!! My life should be more than this! OH GOD, I need something to focus on! Arghhhh!!

By the way, sebelum aku tidur malam ni. Aku kena maafkan seseorang. I must be sincere with myself to apologize this person. Selagi aku tak maafkan dia, selagi tu aku simpan rasa dalam hati and selagi tu aku akan rasa tak tenang.

Rintihan - Hijjaz
Biar berlinangan airmata
Ku takkan hentikannya
Biarkan ia menyembuh luka
Hilanglah rasa duka

Tidak ku termampu merentasi liku-liku
Oh tidak ku mampu menghadapi semua itu
Oh sungguh ku tak upaya
Jangan dibiarkan jerih perih kehidupan
Bisa meleraikan iman
Kan hancur semuanya
Walau menitis airmata darah
Tak bisa merubah segalanya
Melainkan taubat nasuha
Moga kan diterima
Namun ku percaya
Masih ada kesudahannya
Kerana allah itu
Maha kaya maha mendengar
Rintihan hamba-hambanya
Kerana sesiapa bertaqwa kepadanya
Pasti akan ada
Jalan keluarnya
Rezeki yang tidak disangka-sangka
Cukup allah baginya
Berkuasa segala-galanya
Terima seadanya



Gambar di atas memang diletakkan sekadar hiasan. Tak ada kena mengena dengan topik yang ditulis. Royalti akan dibayar pada tuan punya gambar bila masanya sampai!

7 Things



Okay..aku jarang isi benda-benda camni. But well, once a while wont hurt you to death kan? Below are the most honest and sincere 7 things about myself.

7 Things I plan to do before I die..

1. Ask for forgiveness from both of my parents.
2. Ask for forgiveness from my brothers and sister.
3. Perform hajj in Baitulharam.
4. Buy my own Mercedes Benz.
5. Tell the person I love/like that I love/like her very much.
6. Open my business and see it becomes successful.
7. Adopt a child and raise him/her to be a successful muslim.

7 Things I Could Do

1. Spend more time with my mom.
2. Spend more and more time in front of my laptop.
3. Chit chat with friends non stop.
4. Criticize other politicians without hesitation or fear.
5. Smile and say hi to strangers.
6. Call my friends until the credit is gone.
7. Go home very late and makes my dad pisses off.

7 Things I Can't Do

1. Eat my own shit.
2. Be kurang ajar in front of ladies.
3. Make my mom healthy again.
4. Make myself satisfies with what I have at the moment.
5. Can't get lunch with Anwar Ibrahim.
6. Write letter to Pak Lah.
7. Lick my own elbow.

7 Celebrities Crushes



1. Aziah Jasmin Azizul
2. Fifi 'Bersama Mu'
3. Sharifah Amani
4. Darling Ngasri
5. I really dont know who else
6. I really dont know who else
7. I really dont know who else



7 Most Over-Used Words

1. Ekk?
2. Wahlawey!!
3. Serious shit??
4. What the fuck??
5. Giless!!
6. Caya laa!!
7. Holy shit!!

7 Traits I Look For in the Opposite Sex

1. Nice to look at through my eyes
2. Good communication skill
3. Ready to argue with me
4. Considerate/Compromise
5. Patient
6. Supportive towards what I am doing
7. Enjoy continuous learning about each other in relationship

7 Tags

(tak terkira..ramai benar..so..yang ni disqualified)

Pergi Tak Kembali



Kini telah lama kita berpisah
Rintihan asmara kian berubah
Tiada lagi mengharap, tiada lagi belaian manjamu
Semua telah berakhir - Tiada Lagi Tangisan, Aishah

Allahyarhamah Puan Seri Endon telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada jam 7.55 pagi di kediamannya di Putrajaya. Aku yakin buat masa ini ramai rakyat Malaysia masih lagi dalam keadaan bersedih mengenangkan pemergian arwah. Aku mendoakan moga-moga roh arwah dicucuri rahmat dan juga ditempatkan di kalangan roh orang-orang yang beriman. Harap Pak Lah bersabar banyak-banyak di atas kehilangan isterinya.

Sebenarnya di sebalik berita kematian ini, banyak yang kita ketahui tentang latarbelakang arwah. Perkahwinan arwah dengan Pak Lah juga disebutkan oleh pihak media sebagai satu role model bagi rakyat umum di mana arwah dan Pak Lah sudah mendirikan rumahtangga selama 40 tahun.

Petikan daripada sumber berita AFP menyebut,'"He will always give me a peck on the cheek before leaving home or at least call from downstairs that he is leaving. He will always phone when he is away and we always tell each other we love each other," Endon said last year'.

Hmmm..masing-masing punya cara untuk tunjukkan kasih sayang. Pak Lah juga memecahkan tradisi orang-orang politik dengan bersemuka secara terus dengan rakyat tentang keadaan kesihatan isterinya. Tindakan ini dilihat sebagai jarang-jarang dilakukan oleh pembesar-pembesar negara. Aku angkat topi untuk Pak Lah.

Aku yakin ramai orang mahukan pasangan yang sebegitu. Serius, siapa tak mahu partner yang loving and caring? Orang gila ajer tak mahu kot!

Apa Kita Boleh Buat Pada Pasangan Kita?

Mudah untuk kita jatuh cinta dengan pasangan kita. Tapi the real thing is, how long can we sustain that love? Yang inilah yang susah untuk kita buat. Bukan susah, tapi mencabar sebenarnya! Ramai orang termasuklah aku sendiri selalu bertanya, apa yang dia boleh buat untuk aku? Tapi soalan yang sepatutnya aku tanya ialah, apa yang aku boleh buat pada partner aku?



Aku sebenarnya mahu buat partner aku happy. Aku nak buat dia rasa happy bila dia bersama aku. Aku nak buat dia rasa dia yang paling cantik dalam dunia. Aku nak buat dia sebagai kawan karib aku. Partner in crime aku. Aku nak buat dia kawan lawan bercakap, berbincang tentang macam-macam. Aku nak berlawak-lawak dengan dia..nak buat dia ketawa..nak buat dia lupakan semua masalah dia bila dia bersama aku. Setakat ni, ada dua tiga orang yang aku dah jumpa. Tapi tak dapat buat kesemuanya. Mungkin sebab aku belum berjumpa dengan orang yang betul-betul serasi dengan aku. Atau pun, mungkin dah jumpa tapi dia milik orang lain. Hampeh betul!

Bak kata Cik Lily pada aku, "Maybe sebab pasangan awak tu special sangat kot, sebab tu tuhan biarkan awak jumpa orang-orang lain dulu, kemudian baru Dia jumpakan dengan bakal awak!". Make sense juga apa yang dia kata. Lama kita nak mencari dia, nanti lama jugalah kita nak hidup bersama dia.

Have I Told You

Yeah, I know the title sounds like Rod Stewart's song. Oh well, I am not going to talk about love. As we all know, love is ageless topic. So, let's not too nostalgic about this. Besides, I am tired of talking about love. Besides, who am I to talk about this when I myself is a loser in this subject matter.

Anyway, I'd love to share this with you.



I have a friend. A friend whom I can be honest and sincere with. To me, I never have any dilemma of being myself in front of this person. She knows both of my sides; the good and the bad. And she has no problem with either one. Even if she feels like to confront it, she will come and face it squarely with me. So, no reason for me to be a different person in front of her.

I know her for a little bit over than one good year. As lame as it might sound, yes, we befriended each other through a portal over the web. Thanks to the greatness of Internet, I can now expand my social circle, eh?

Yes, we have met. The first meeting was a disaster. It took place in Kota Bharu, Kelantan. We both ended up with anger and frustration towards each other. I was real pissed at her and so did she. I guess we both came with wrong expectations. The second meeting was much better. It was done in more friendly fashion. I must say, I enjoyed and felt awkward at the same time. But the feeling was mutual. Friendship.

Although I have to bear her unregulated temper but personally, it worths my time and energy. Frankly speaking, I learnt many things through my friendship with her. Especially on how to deal with temperamental individual. And also, I learnt more about fast car when I sit down with her. Hail to racing-maniac queen!! (Oh God please don't let anything bad happens to her while she's behind the wheels. I know she commits many sins towards JPJ).

Oh yes, she hurt my feeling before. Not once but quite a few. It's okay because that's what a friend does. At least, she apologized and I appreciate her apologies. We bickered every now and then. She has her anger. I have my moody mood. What a perfect coalition! She pissed off and I sulked. But so far, I usually gave up and start over the conversation.

I have to admit that hearing her voice over the phone made me smile on this side. And yes, she called me just now just to ask about how my important event went on today. She woke up in the middle of the night to turn off the TV and remembered about what I told her the other day. Quickly, she gave a call despite a low credit on her cellphone. Very thoughtful of her!



Indeed we both are totally the opposites. I am a sentimental kind of person. She loves heavy metal and grunge music. My maximum speed on the road is actually 10 km/h above the speed limit. She hits the end of speedometer. She is a science pharmacy major and I am engineering major. Okay, that's close enough - science and technology world. I love Mercedes Benz but she loves Mitsubishi Evo 9. Heh...I can go on and on about our differences.

Anyway, to conclude this, I must say that I have a deep respect and admiration upon her. I wish only the best for her and I have to say that I really enjoy my friendship with her regardless of any bad episode I've had with her. I realize it takes two to make friendship works and I guess, I did contribute to some of the problems we have in between each other. Thousand apologies for that. All in all, may our friendship prosper till the end. And may she get her own Evo 9!

Senyum Semalam



Semalam aku gi sekolah untuk submit surat permohonan buat program alumni dengan bebudak sekolah. Dah selesai aku hantar surat tu kat pejabat pengetua, aku singgah kejap di bilik guru. Saja nak menjenguk cikgu-cikgu yang mengajar aku waktu dulu-dulu. Seronok jumpa ngan diorang sambil sembang-sembang, update apa yang patut.

Ramai cikgu complaint kata aku dah membesar. Double triple size. Erkkk..siot nyer! Aku macam wonder juga, macam la diorang perasan sangat waktu aku kat sekolah dulu. Bukannya femes cam orang lain. Just student biasa ajer.

Lepas tu aku melepak kejap kat meja mama. Aku tengok mama busy alihkan folder and fail-fail yang ada dalam laci dan atas meja dia. Sambil tu aku belek-belek meja dia. Ada banyak gambar. Ada gambar Babah, gambar mama kat merata tempat, and gambar anak-anak mama. Lepas tu aku perasan ada satu gambar ni. Macam extra satu ajer...



Laa..rupa-rupanya gambar aku! Mama letak gambar aku and anak-anak dia atas meja dia. Masa tu aku form 4 ke form 5. Masa tu tengah kurus keding. Padanlah cikgu-cikgu kat bilik guru tu cam sangat aku. Ada gambar aku masa muda-muda dulu atas meja cikgu Norashikin! Sheeeshhhhh.

Aku senyum sorang-sorang. Senyum sebab tak sangka mama akan letak gambar aku kat meja dia, sama-sama dengan gambar anak-anak dia yang lain. Pastu mama datang. Dia tegur aku, datang sini naik ape? Kalau tak, dia nak hantarkan aku. Aku cakap, aku bawak kereta papa. Mama ajak aku bukak puasa kat rumah dia and solat terawikh sekali. Iskk..segan dengan babah.

Kami berpisah kat tangga bawah bilik guru. Aku salam and cium tangan mama. Bebudak sekolah yang lalu lalang kat situ agaknya pelik tengok aku salam and cium tangan mama kot. Tak kisah.

Bila aku blah dari sekolah, aku still tersenyum and teringatkan gambar yang mama simpan tu. Hmmm...mama ingat rupanya kat aku! :)

Pengemis Itu
Mohd Farid Mohd Nor, 16 Oktober 2005
Ampang, Selangor.

Dari hari demi hari, kaki melangkah sepi
Mencari satu makna kenyang sehari
Mencari satu peluang untuk hidup lagi
Berlawanan dengan terik mentari
Bercakaran dia dengan debu kota
Tapi langkah tetap langkah
Kerana setiap langkah bererti
Setapak lagi jauh dari makna mati hakiki

Padahal sudah diketahuinya
Dia tidak punya peluang untuk mengira
Detik masa yang tinggal untuk dia
Kerana dia seorang pengemis dunia
Yang tidak punya apa untuk diniaga
Melainkan kedutan di pipi dan seraknya suara
Yang hanya mengundang cemuhan orang
Jauh menusuk ke hati tua seorang gelandangan

Hari ini dia berhenti melangkah
Takut nanti dihempap angkasa kota
Takut dilanggar lori penguasa bandaraya
Lebih-lebih lagi, dihambat rasa takbur penghuni kota
Hari ini dia berhenti menadah tangannya
Kerana lemahnya tangan mengangkat
Sakitnya kaki melangkah

Terlantar dia terlentang di sudut kota
Bersama sampah sarap bersepahan di sisinya
Mahu dicium buat kali terakhir hayatnya
Sebelum dia dijemput tuhan
Pudar cahaya matanya mengenangkan hayat dunia
Menanti ihsan manusia, mengharap kasih Tuhannya
Tapi kini penantiannya hampir berakhir
Bila tubuh tua tak mampu menyokong jiwa
Jiwa lara, jiwa sengsara, jiwa pengemis dunia

Dia hembuskan nafasnya terakhir
Di celah ribuan manusia yang mundar mandir
Tanpa menyedari kehadirannya
Lantaran murahnya jiwa yang dikendong
Kerana tiada harga di pasaran kotaraya
Di matanya bertakung air jernih sepi
Tanda perginya dia berjumpa Ilahi
Tanda sayunya dia meninggalkan dunia ini.

Tulis Merapu

Insya Allah tahun ni aku akan berhari raya kat Kuala Krai, Kelantan. Hmmmm..6 jam dalam kereta. Waduhhh..sure berserabut perut aku nih. But anyway, gasaklah! Lama tak duduk dalam kereta lama-lama macam kat US dulu.

Aku berhajat tahun depan nanti aku nak drive balik ke Kelantan dengan kereta aku sendiri. Nak tahu kereta apa? Jeng je jengggg...aku nak bawak kereta CLK 230K. Haa..sure korang tak tahu apa menatang haramnya tu kan? Itu kereta Mercedes Benz yang ada dua pintu ajer tapi ada 4 seats. Menarik kan?

Aku memang dah lama tertarik nak bawak kereta Mercedes. Ramai orang kata, apesal la ko nak beli kereta mahal-mahal ni? Betul jugak, memang mahal. Tapi aku rasa puas hati. One thing for its quality, another thing for its prestigious.

Sama juga macam bila orang tanya aku, Kenapa ko pakai baju mahal-mahal ni? The best answer which I got it from my senior in school is, "You've got to have respect upon yourself!". Betul tu..we work hard and this time, we must get credit from our hardworking. It's okay to give credit to yourself by wearing good and nice shirt. It makes you feel worthy. Camtu la jugak dengan kereta.

Itu pun sebenarnya nak tunjukkan mindset kita. Aku letak target nak beli kereta mahal-mahal sebab aku nak motivate diri sendiri untuk kerja sekuat-kuatnya untuk dapatkan apa yang aku mahu dalam hidup. Imagine if you are able to drive your dream car? I certainly felt invincible when I drove C class with Kompressor engine.

Tapi kan, bila pikir-pikir balik. Apa guna ada kereta cun giler babeng..tapi kosong ajer kat seat sebelah tu kan? Ye tak ye jugak...hmm...ini pun satu dilemma. Ni namanya dilemma mengada-ngada ajer lebey.

Ehh...sebenarnyer kan..CLK 230K tu bukanlah kereta idaman aku. Kereta idaman aku sebenarnya harga dia lebih RM 680K, which is S class. Businessman ajer yang drive kereta ni, plus politician yang harta berlambak-lambak hasil duit haram. Hehehehehe..

Teh Tarik Panas

Hari ni aku dah tak tahan lagi. Bangun pagi kepala aku dah jadi kembang. Malam tadi tidor tak menyenangkan langsung. Badang ringan, kepala berat. Adakah ni tanda-tanda aku seorang genius? Tak langsung! Ini tanda-tanda aku ada penyakit berat yang mungkin akan membuatkan aku pergi tak kembali, bak kata Mawi.

Aku pergi jumpa doktor. The same doctor who prescribed me the antibodi previously. Cuma kali ni aku cakap, aku nak antibodi yang lagi kuat. And also, ubat kumur2 yang lebih sedap rasanya. And plssssss...aku nak something yang boleh hilangkan kesakitan tonsil yang membengkak ni.

Bammmm!! Terus dapat semua ubat-ubat tu. Pil kaler biru, oren dan kuning. Well, pil biru tu bukan Viagra, ok? Jangan salah faham. And really, I dont think I need Viagra at all.

Pil kuning tu painkiller. Nak hilangkan sakit masa aku menelan. So, aku dengan berbelah hatinya berbuka puasa awal hari ni. Aku berbuka puasa di pagi hari dengan juadah yang sangat menyelerakan; pil kuning, biru dan oren.

Masa tu aku berhajat sangat nak minum teh tarik. Kasik lega sikit ini tekak..

Pengalaman Berpuasa Pertama di Malaysia

Okaylah, maybe the title sounds a bit jakun. Memang, first time aku puasa kat M'sia. Before this, 6 kali puasa and 6 kali raya di US. Bila puasa di M'sia...aku rasa cam kaku sikit. Maybe sebab tak dapat makan masakan arab kat masjid kot. Hehehe..alasan ajer tuh.

Almost seminggu ni aku nyer tonsil membengkak. Dua tiga hari pertama aku tak keluar rumah sebab demam. Wahhh..cabaran sungguh tu!

Aku suka jalan-jalan kat pasar juadah. Pertama, aku boleh cuci mata tengok kuih-muih yg bersepah-sepah tu. Yang kedua, aku boleh cuci mata tengok awek-awek yang bersepah-sepah tu. Pendek katanya, mata aku sihat lepas tuh.

Again, buka puasa dengan family. Hmm..lama tak rasa berbuka puasa dengan family. Cuma this time, Along ngan Farah tak ada kat rumah sebab Along duduk kat padang jawa sekarang. Farah kat gopeng, perak.

**************************

Jaclyn Victor - Wajah

Artis : Jaclyn Victor
Lagu : Wajah ( Realiti Amal Bersamamu Tv3)

Berbumbungkan angkasa kelabu
Lantainya bumi retak seribu
Setiap langkah perjalananmu
Beronak berliku

Betapa berat mata memandang
Berat bahu menggalas bebanan
Belum sempat menitis ke pipi
Tangisan kering sendiri

Berkali tersungkur
Pandanganmu kabur
Namun azam meneruskan hidup
Tak pernah luntur

Engkaulah perwira
Di medan derita
Merentasi ranjau kehidupan
Dengan harapan

Luahan rasa derita jiwa
Pada wajah tiada rahsia
Menunggu malang berganti tuah
Usah kau berputus asa
Kaulah wira


Anyway, korang perasan tak lagu yang Jaclyn Victor yang jadi soundtrack Bersamamu tu. Waduhh, serious shit menusuk kalbu! Aku memang tak tahan sama itu lagu. Nak-nak kalau dia tunjuk sekali video clip. Memang menitik air mata beb. Tapi kalau dia tunjuk Fifi dalam tu, bukan takat menitik air mata..dah masuk berjuraian dah. Hahahaha..but seriously, lagu tu memang tinggalkan kesan la dalam hati.

Aku memang takleh tengok langsung segmen Bersamamu. Sebabnya, aku mesti nak salahkan diri sendiri..apa yang aku boleh buat untuk tolong orang-orang macam ni? Aku rasa marah, aku rasa sedih, aku mula rasa nak menuding jari kat sapa-sapa. Negara kita kaya, negara kita makmur. Tapi apa jadi dengan anak malaysia sendiri? Melarat di tanah sendiri? Oh tolonglah, mintak dijauhkan!

Baru-baru ni PPZ Wilayah Persekutuan berlagak cakap kat suratkhabar, kata kutipan zakat meningkat. Tapi yang aku persoalkan, apa jadi dengan kutipan zakat tu? Jangan la bagi jawapan standard buku teks. Aku kalau boleh nak tengok penyata kewangan PPZ. ELoknya penyata kewangan PPZ diterbitkan di suratkhabar utama so that semua orang boleh tengok, apa jadi dengan duit zakat diorang. Kutip banyak2, tapi ramai2 lagi melarat. Salahkan orang yang melarat kah? Okay la..one part is their fault juga. But sebagai orang yang mengaku canggih dan sofistikated dan melaksanakan tugas demi untuk negara, eloknya diorang la yang carik orang-orang yang melarat. Yang layak diberi bantuan.

Hari-hari aku fikir macam mana aku nak buat duit. Nak jadi kaya. Betul! Hari-hari aku fikir camner mau jadi kaya. Sebab aku tak tahan tengok orang-orang melarat dalam Bersamamu TV3, anak-anak orang miskin yang melarat tak dapat bantuan nak ke hospital, anak-anak miskin yang tak mampu nak ke sekolah. Waduhhhh, life is very beautiful if i have all the money to support them. I dont ask anything as return. I just want to see their smile. Enough for me to move forward in life.

"God sent you to me so that I can help you". Still terngiang-ngiang kata pakcik Arab tu dalam SUV dia on the way to Virginia from DC.

I wonder if all the MPs in our Dewan Rakyat share the same idea as that pakcik arab has. Life would be veryyyyyyyy beautiful then!

Demam panas. Tonsil bengkak. Kepala kembang kuncup.
Enough to make my first and second day of fasting a real challenge.

You are a Social Liberal (66% permissive) and an... Economic Moderate (41% permissive) You are best described as a: Centrist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

I Miss State College, Pennsylvania USA

It has been almost 10 months since I left my playground for 5 years in Pennsylvania. State College. A nice town with the majority of white people living in that college town. During the regular semester ie. Fall and Spring, the population of town folks is beyond 50,000. My campus alone has 42,000 students during those two semesters. In summer, everything turns quieter and the town seems like a ghost town. Well, almost. Not completely though.

What makes me miss State College very much is the atmosphere it has. People are walking fast and yet, still smiling sometimes. They dont mind to ask, "How are you!" or at the very least, "What's up!". Most people queu before they get onto the bus. Cars behind the bus are patiently waiting for their turn to move forward. They dont simply take over the bus. The people are generally warm and friendly. They don't mind to hold up a casual chat. I call it, ' a 5 minute chat'. University personnel are very friendly. They are willing to help students with their neverending smile. The one I could remember is Miss Sue Ellen from my department in Fenske Lab. Oh boy, I love to talk to her because she's an extremely good listener.

Computer lab is so ubiquitous. And so does the internet. I can stop by at the HUB and pop up my laptop while eating Chinese food from Panda Express. My iBook instantly hooks up to the internet. Voila!! Not only at the HUB though..but somewhere else too (including Fenske Lab..wohoooooo.!!)

Every morning volunteers from kindergarten and child care center will bring the kids to the central campus. I love to see them walking along the road. They are extremely cute and I felt like biting their cheeks. Early Fall semester you will see a lot of skinny freshmen girls running across the campus in their spandex and sports bra. It's the same scenery in late Spring semester too. And it's an everyday scenery if the season is summer.

Summer last year completed my whole experience living in the States as student. Geting a sex maniac housemate is indeed an invaluable experience. That nigger certainly doesn't know how to control his own horse!! I heard they moaned almost everywhere in our apartment. Be there at the living room, fucking each other in front of my door or screaming "Spank me..spank me!!" in their room at 10 am on Sunday morning. Phewwww!! What a living! I wish they could be white people. But again, God has done just to me by making them black because if otherwise, I would have taken my digital camcorder and recorded every bit of their action and sound and sold it to the Malaysian vcd seller. "College Kids in Action!". It will be a blast!!

I miss my juniors there. Sincerely and honestly, not all of them. But some of them who I am close with. I miss cooking for the boys in Gateway Apartment. Miss to have dinner with Didie, Mahirah, Oja and Phey Yuen. I love to sit and listen to Dayang's story. I love to hang out at the Diners with Mat Ranjit after midnite. Hahahahaha...talking shit about mat salleh's girls, huh!! Playing Command & Conquer's at Sani's computer is certainly a drug for myself.

I mingle with orang putih as equally I did with Malaysians. I miss my roommate too, Brian Waslo. My Ch E buddies are Saeed, Rami, John, Eric, Jarvi, Zeeshan, Aaron and a few others. We used to hang out at the lounge in Fenske and bitching about Prof Armou's project. Not to mention about Prof Nedwick's design project. Totally ridiculous but worth every second we did it.

All in all, the experience in State College is totally priceless. Good laughs, good friends, good place. I wont trade it with anything else. I had some ups and downs when I was there but I manage to go through them. I thought I would quit and packed up my stuffs and go home 5 years ago. I didnt deny that I did cry when I first arrived in Penn State by myself because I was extremely homesick. I didnt deny that I almost buried my dreams because of the adversity happened upon me. But I persevere by myself and I did it in my own fashion. Frank Sinatra certainly did a good job reminding me about how life can be turned much better if it's done in 'my way'.

So now I am pursuing something after I conquered my dreams in State College, Pennsylvania. I am pursuing my dreams. Donal Trump says, think big and live large. Certainly, I want to do that! I can always quit, but why quit now? How about you, buddy?

Harrasing Thoughts (Cancel cancel, go away!!)

I still think, somehow, women are only attracted to wealthy people. Or at least, the women's family are attracted to wealthy people or gentlemen. Are they really gentlemen? GOD KNOWS!! Geezzz..I have no clear reason why am I thinking this way. Perhaps, I took it very personally for the incident happened to me last week. Sorry, no disclosure here. Only shared with people in my ring of trust.

Not that I claim I am a man of righteous (people like to assume that I am, crazy ahhh!!). It's just, it's too disturbing for what had happened to me. Kakak laughed at me like paranoid monkey when I told her the story of my misfortune. Adik smirked at me when I told her the same shit too.

Ahhhhh...I should'nt be complaining. I am still alive here. Besides, I have great friends like Aini, Aida, Kak Tini, Cik Lily and they are all women. Good women. Not that I say everyone except them are not good women. They are good women but they are not interested to be my friends. Or maybe, I dont charm them enough to be my cronies. :D. And I am not rich enough to be their friends (oopss..I did it again, did I?).

By the way, has anyone seen beautiful poems in LRT lately? You guys should read them. Beautiful poems indeed. They remind me to poem I read on the wall somewhere near IMAX Theatre London.

Adik Pulang ke Jepun

Adik pulang hari ini ke Jepun. Hati aku rasa sedih sikit. Bila adik pulang, aku rasa macam berkurang sikit member aku. Adik setia dengar apa yang aku nak bebelkan dengan dia. Pendek kata, adik layan apa menda yang aku merepek. Aku pun suka dengar cerita dari adik. Adik cerita pasal Fukui. Adik cerita pasal kawan-kawan adik kat sana. Pastu, adik cerita macam mana orang kat Jepun tu. Aku lak, cuma nak tahu ada tak senior-senior adik yang cun and single. Hahahahaha..adik dah tak larat dengar abang dia punya soalan. Sian adik.

Adik dah 4 tahun pergi ke Jepun. Kali terakhir aku berjumpa dengan dia masa tahun 2001. Itu pun aku balik bercuti dari US sekejap. Cuti sebulan setengah. Mana cukup masa nak lepak-lepak dengan adik. So bila dia balik untuk cuti ni..aku jadi happy. Sebab aku nak make up balik masa 4 tahun yang hilang. Memang tak cukup sebenarnya.

Adik kalau cakap dengan aku, mesti terbabas cakap Jepun. Aku pulak ternganga-nganga nak pahamkan nihonggo dia. Aku cuma tahu sikit-sikit ajer bahasa Jepun. Itu pun adik yang ajar. Shukudai, maksudnya homework. Mula-mula aku ingatkan 'cekodok', tapi lain rupanya. Ada sekali tu adik ajar kat aku masa kat KLIA, cara nak sebut 'saya suka awak' untuk orang perempuan dalam bahasa Jepun. Sorry, aku fail nak hafal. Tapi now aku dah tahu, orang Jepun ada slang lain-lain untuk lelaki dan perempuan.

Adik kalau turun KL, aku secara automatik rasa bertanggungjawab atas dia. Aku nak jaga keselamatan dia. Aku tak mahu benda-benda buruk jadi pada dia. Aku tahu, adik dah besar tapi aku tak boleh lari dari rasa risau. Mungkin sebab aku ni abang dia.

Aku nak yang terbaik untuk dia. Dalam semua sudut sebenarnya. But aku takkan buatkan keputusan untuk dia. Aku cuma cakap apa pilihan yang dia ada setiap kali dia datang pada aku dengan masalah dia. Aku tahu, dia takkan beri masalah pada sesiapa sebab dia sangat-sangat independent. Aku kagum dengan dia. In fact, aku hormat pada adik. Sebab itu aku sayang pada adik. Aku pun kadang-kadang rasa adik rasa rimas sebab aku macam terlalu kawal dia. Ermm..harap-harap tidaklah. Cuma ambil tahu apa yang dia buat.

Aku tunggu adik balik tahun depan. Adik kata dia tak balik masa Spring sebab mak nak pergi sana. Maybe masa summer baru balik M'sia. Hehehehe..aku dah demand dengan adik. Tahun depan aku nak digital camera SONY yang macam T7 tu. Boleh kan dik? Pastu nak minyak wangi sekali..huhuhuhuhu! Dulu-dulu takmo pow adik, sekarang baru terhegeh-hegeh nak pow! Hehehehe..

Bila aku tengok adik lepas gate ERL di KL Sentral, diam-diam dalam hati aku, aku doakan adik berjaya di Jepun. Dapatkan ijazah dari Fukui. Dapatkan pengalaman berguna di sana. Itu yang penting. Dan yang paling penting, aku doakan adik selamat pergi dan selamat pulang dari Jepun tahun depan.

God's Blessing Is All What I Need

A man approached me when I was in Menara Dayabumi. He looked haggard and I instantly felt pity for him. He greeted me nicely and he said, "Excuse me sir, you look someone like I can ask for help". I was taken aback. I was surprised not because of his approach, but due to his sincere greeting. Oh boy, I couldn't help to ask him what I can do to help him.

He told me that he was mugged while walking through the tunnel from Masjid Negara to Pejabat Pos Besar. Oh well, I know that place. It's the hotspot for 'kaki pow'. He claimed that he is insurance agent and now, because of he was robbed, he was left with nothing. He even showed me his empty wallet. No money, only important documents. I looked into his eyes. I know eyes cannot lie. I listened to him carefully and I tried to understand his situation.

"Well, how can I help you?", I said.

"Could you please lend me some of your money and I will return your money as soon as I reach home. My home is in Seremban and I need RM16 for the ticket bus".

I opened my wallet and found out that I only had RM 10. That's the only cash I have for that afternoon. So what I did? Without thinking twice, I handed him all my cash. I said to myself, "Duit boleh cari...but not this one". The guy look hesitantly to receive my money. He asked me, "How about you sir?". "It's okay. I'll manage", I said back to him and smiled.

"Can I get your address so that I can return the money once I get home?".

"No, it's okay. Take the money and go home".

"Thank you very much sir. I pray for the God's blessing on you!", he thanked me profusely.

"Yes..I only need His blessing. Very much in need! Thank you!", that's what I replied to him and walked away. I gave him a smile before I left him with my only cash in his hand. No regret. Only a smile.

This whole situation reminds me of winter 1999. It was during the school winter break and I was in Washington DC on the way to Leesburgh in Virginia. A guy supposed to pick me up at the Greyhound Station in the middle of DC but he didn't appear as he should be. I called his home phone number and nobody picked up the phone. So I was there alone with only USD 6 in my pocket and zero dollar in my bank account. I went to the Islamic Center and asked for anyone to help me. Nobody came forward when the imaam asked the jemaah. Unexpectedly, an Arab stepped forward out of nowhere and said, "Brother, I will help this man". He helped me by giving me USD 300 cash and put me in nice hotel in Virginia.

When I asked him for the address so that I could return back his money, he only said to me, "God sent you to me so that I can help you!". I was pleasantly surprised. I felt so grateful to Him because He saved me from my misfortune. From that day on, I promised to myself to help anyone without any hesitation.

I believe that if we become a giver, God will grant us more and more so that we can give more and more. And I want to be a giver, even if I am in a dire need of myself too.

Mencari Cinta

Sesetengah orang sangat senang dalam soal mencari cinta. Sesetengah orang sangat sukar dalam misinya mencari cinta sejatinya. Senang cerita, akulah yang termasuk dalam kategori orang-orang suwey itu. Orang-orang yang aku selalu ketemu, samada makwe orang, tunang orang atau pun bakal isteri orang. Dan bila saja aku ceritakan pada kakak, mesti kakak akan gelakkan aku. Aku tahu sebab apa dia gelakkan aku. Sebab aku rasa dia tahu aku memang malang giler dalam bab ni. Dah mungkin jadi takdir untuk aku sentiasa suwey bila berdepan dengan soal ini.

Kawan aku, cik lily pernah bagitau aku, mungkin perempuan yang bakal tuhan temukan untuk aku tu ialah seorang perempuan yang sangat istimewa. Sebab itulah aku susah benar nak ketemu dia. Benarkah?

Terus terang aku katakan, aku sunyi dengan dunia aku sekarang. Memang aku busy. Tapi kenapa aku menyibukkan diri? Sebab aku tak mahu fikirkan soal hati sunyi. Aku mengeluh pada adik, aku mengeluh pada kawan-kawan rapat aku. Tapi, benarkah diorang faham keluhan aku?

Orang mesti fikir aku ini desperate!! Kalau itu melegakan hati orang-orang lain, ya! Memang aku katakan...aku desperate. Aku desperate sebab aku terasa sunyi. Aku desperate untuk cari orang yang aku mahu sayangi dan sayang aku kembali. Aku mahu cari seorang kawan yang aku boleh kongsi semua cerita, baik cerita best atau pun cerita suwey. Apakah aku mahu kahwin? Entah..aku tak tahu. Tapi yang aku tahu..aku berasa sangat sunyi. Atau pun...mungkin aku berasa jauh dari rahmat tuhan? Nauzubillah.

Setelah beberapa lama..baru aku perasan dua tiga perkara yang aku rasa agak wajar untuk aku fikirkan.

Orang perempuan ..... atau pun keluarga orang perempuan takkan mahukan kau kalau kau tak ada apa-apa aset yang mahu ditunjukkan (contohnya macam kereta ke..motorsikal tak dikira dalam hal ni). Orang perempuan.... atau pun keluarga orang perempuan takkan mahukan kau kalau kau tak ada gaji tetap macam orang kerja makan gaji yang lain. Orang perempuan.... atau pun keluarga orang perempuan takkan mahukan kau kalau kau tak ada rupa macam orang-orang lain yang baik paras rupanya.

Bila tiap kali aku melabuhkan kepala di bantal...aku terfikir. "Sampai bila mahu jadi begini?". Di mana silapnya? Di mana salahnya?

Aku mahu cari suara yang melegakan lelah di hati bila sebelum aku melelapkan mata di waktu malam. Aku mahu cari suara yang mampu berikan aku satu senyuman di bibir bila saja aku teringatkan padanya. Aku mahu cari suara yang mampu mengukuhkan azam aku bila aku terjatuh, dan mengangkat komitmen aku kembali. Aku mahu cari wajah yang meleburkan rasa gusar, rasa duka, rasa gelisah setiap kali aku pandang wajahnya. Aku mahu cari wajah yang aku beroleh bahagia bila aku pandanginya.

Dan aku tahu..di mana aku boleh dapati wajah itu...suara itu. Tapi apakah dia mahu menerima aku? Itu persoalan yang terlalu mahal untuk aku jawap.

My Name Is Fa.....


Farid
Duty : Arabic

Very much the individual you have enormous energy and vision and must find a suitable use for your talents. You have great potential for success in business if you can guard against indecision and worry. Your generous nature means that you are never short of friends and with cooperation your relationships can be very rewarding. Perseverance and firm decision making will ensure you achieve your objectives. making will ensure you achieve your objectives.

Hmmmm..surprisingly pleasant meaning but I wonder why 70s and 80s malay films potrayed people with the name Farid have negative characters. Damn it!!!

Who's The Real Hero

WIll Smith in one magazine confessed to the media that a real hero is a daddy who has two jobs, one during the day and one during the night, and yet still manages to bring out his children to play at park.

My heroes are the doctors and nurses who helped the delivery of premature babies during and after the Katrina Hurricane. They also use their hands to keep pumping the blood through these tough babies with no stop.

Oh God, bless them for their hardwork and effort to keep these babies survive!

Kepala Otak Weng Weng

Aishhhhh..hangin aku satu badan ni aaaa! Susah betul nak deal dengan orang perempuan. I mean, not all orang perempuan laa..a few particular breed of orang perempuan la. Yang degil ada, yang mood swing cam bipolar disorder ada, yang pentingkan diri sendiri ada....

ahh, aku cakap cam bagussssss jekkk. Cam aku takde jekkk menda-menda tu..

Biasa ler..asal nak menang ajer ye dak?

Anyway, bullshit laa communicate dengan orang-orang camni. Buat aku lagi sakit jiwa ade ler..

Merdeka dari Pandangan Anak Merdeka

Aku rasa mungkin tak terlewat bagi aku untuk menulis pasal merdeka. Aku bukanlah orang yang arif sangat pasal merdeka tapi aku rasa aku ada hak untuk cerita mengenai apa yang faham dengan merdeka.

Bagi aku, merdeka maksudnya bebas dari belenggu pemikiran sosial, ekonomi dan juga politik dari mana-mana pengaruh negatif. Kita merdeka selagi kita dapat memikirkan apa jua yang mampu memajukan diri sendiri, tak kira dari sudut mana sekali pun selagi ianya membawa faedah dan manfaat pada diri sendiri dan juga orang di sekeliling kita.

Orang melayu pada zahirnya kelihatan 'merdeka' kerana mereka nampak bebas mengamalkan apa saja yang mereka mahukan. Mahu bersekedudukan, diorang dapat. Mahu bertuhankan kerajaan langit, diorang dapat. Mahu kerajaan Islam Hadhari, diorang dapat. Mahu sistem politik yang korup, diorang dapat. Jadi, mereka merdeka. Dan bila mereka merasa mereka itu merdeka, mereka akan kibarkan bendera Malaysia. Bagus! Sangat patriotik.


Pada malam kemerdekaan, aku saja merayau tengah-tengah KL untuk lihat macam mana cara orang sambut kemerdekaan. Ramai orang bawak bendera Malaysia, ramai juga orang yang jatuhkan bendera Malaysia.

Aku tegur sorang brader motor ni, "Bang, berapa harga satu bendera ni?". "Tak mahal, RM1.50 ajer", katanya. "I see..hati - hati yang bang bawak bendera di motor tu. Mahal harganya kalau kita biarkan bendera tu jatuh ke tanah", balas aku. Aku senyum ajer kat dia.

Maksud mahal bukanlah maksud duit seringgit lima kupang yang dikeluarkan brader motor tu (dan mungkin kos tu dishare dengan awek yang membonceng motornya kot). Mahalnya letak pada nilai perjuangan orang orang dulu yang mahukan merdeka. Yang mahukan berdikari, yang mahu merasa apa itu bebas mentadbir negara sendiri dengan kemampuan dan kebolehan diri sendiri. Mahukan merasa apa rasanya mencipta perlembagaan sendiri dan juga mempunyai sistem politik sendiri. Tapi sayang, setiap kali merdeka hadir, setiap kali itulah orang kita memijak-mijak bendera Jalur Gemilang sendiri. Kita hina negara kita sendiri di tanahair sendiri.

Orang mengerti maksud merdeka dengan maksud yang mentah - bebas. Sebab itu kita bebas merogol orang, bebas meragut orang, bebas menumbuk orang dalam tahanan, bebas membelanjakan duit cukai rakyat untuk tembolok sendiri, bebas mengkhadamkan rakyat sedangkan jawatan sendiri bermaksud khadam rakyat dan bebas bermacam-macam lagi. Tapi bila diminta untuk berfikir jauh ke hadapan dengan berani mengambil risiko, kita ditakut-takutkan dengan istilah rusuhan kaum, perangai tamak orang Cina, perangai malas orang Melayu, gangsterisme Tamil estet. Apa ini? Merdeka ke ini? Kenapa tak dibiarkan rakyat berfikir secara merdeka, bebas dari hasutan liar yang tak berasas, secara bertanggungjawab.

Aneh, baru-baru ni aku tengok rancangan segmen Mari Tanya Linda Onn di Astro Ria mengenai merdeka. 4 orang bertelagah tentang maksud merdeka. Dua dari wakil pimpinan pelajar (dari universiti yang dipimpin oleh golongan aspirasi), dua lagi mewakili orang dewasa. Dua wakil pelajar jelas menunjukkan kedangkalan dan kecetekan akal berfikir dengan juga adab berdebat. Dua wakil dewasa pula kurang jelas dalam memberikan contoh-contoh yang mampu ditafsir akal oleh wakil pelajar yang agak kurang sikit akalnya. Kadang aku tergelak sendiri bila dengar hujah yang dikemukakan oleh wakil-wakil Persatuan Mahasiswa di kampus-kampus pro aspirasi ni. Terlalu mentah sangat maksud merdeka diorang. Lepas tu, terlalu dalam pulak maksud merdeka oleh orang dewasa. Hmmm..padanlah orang muda and orang tua selalu clash. Kita melihat merdeka dari perspektif yang berbeda-beda tanpa cari apa yang sama, selalu keliru dengan apa yang tak sama.

Tapi aku nak gebang banyak pun tak boleh, sebab aku ini hanya rakyat bodoh pimpinan kerajaan. One thing aku percaya, in order for the world to change, I must change first! So, world Mawi? Eh, apa aku merepek....

Kita juga harus merdeka dari gelombang tsuMAWI, yang jelas kosmetik semata-mata. Wallahu'alam...just two cents from me.

Mungkin

Biarkanlah saja diriku sendirian tanpamu
Biarkanlah aku merindu sekian lama
Bukan maksud untuk membisusepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian

( korus )
Mungkinkah bersama dua jiwa ini
Dalam mencari cinta sejati nan suci
Mungkinkah segala derita di jiwa
Akan terabat kini

Biarkanlah saja diriku sepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana mengejar impian

( bridge )
Hanya satu pintaku
Sabarlah menanti
Ku kan pulang bersama
Cinta...

Oh yeah...mari melayan Annuar Zengggg...aku suka betul memekak nyanyi lagu ni time naik motor. Oh well, not only this song but a few other songs. Semuanyer rojak..sebab aku nyanyi pakai belasah ajer time naik motor.

Tak pun, aku jerit kuat-kuat affirm to myself, "I FEEL ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE" or "Today IS a GREAT DAY, Everyday IS a GREAT DAY!".

You guys should try that too, it helps a lot in easing yourself and make yourself energetic and positive all day long!

Sesekali....

Pagi tadi masa aku tengah mandi, aku dengar suara mak aku panggil aku.Aku asalnya malas nak menjawap sebab dalam bilik air tapi tak lama kemudian aku dengar mak aku panggil lagi aku. Kali ni, aku dengar suara mak bunyi lain macam..bunyi macam menangis. Terus aku berhenti mandi, tak sempat sabun pun..terus pergi ke bilik mak aku. Mak aku minta aku tolong bangunkan dia dari katil. Aku nampak mak aku menangis. Menangis sakit. Aku urut sendi-sendi mak aku, legakan sakit sendi dia.

Mak aku ada arthritis.

Itulah yang aku hadapi hari-hari sejak dua menjak ni. Bangun awal-awal, bersiap awal-awal and tolong angkat mak aku bangun dari tidur dia. Kemudian urut bahu dia, urut kaki dia, urut pergelangan tangan dia. Tuhan ajer yang tahu macam mana rasa dalam hati aku bila tengok dia menangis waktu aku urut pelan-pelan.

Aku keluar rumah untuk bekerja seawal pagi dan balik ke rumah selewat jam 10 atau 11 malam. Bila aku sampai rumah, baru tanggalkan tie, atau pun cufflinks, mak aku dah minta aku urutkan dia. Kadang-kadang aku 'ah ah' kan la jugak, sebab penat tak hilang lagi dah kena urut mak aku. Kadang-kadang aku terus ajer urutkan tangan dan kaki dia. Alah, toksah nak kencing aku la..orang yang nak kondem aku pasal ah ah kan mak ni..macam lah dia tak pernah ah ah kan kat depan mak dia..

Masa aku pergi seminar MSP di MINES Resort, penceramah di situ suruh kami bercakap dengan 3 orang tentang kenapa kita join business ni. And also, mintak sokongan diorang. So, aku bercakap dengan 3 orang, yang semuanya kawan aku sama-sama dalam business ni. Aku cakap, aku nak kerja ni sebab aku nak kumpul duit banyak-banyak untuk dapatkan best medical treatment untuk mak aku. The best money can buy! Sampai sekarang lagi, itu motif aku.

Masa awal-awal aku kerja dulu, aku kerja keras sebab nak kumpul duit banyak-banyak. Tapi now, aku nak kumpul duit banyak-banyak untuk hantar mak aku gi jumpa orang-orang yang pakar dalam penyakit yang mak aku ada. Mak aku ni ada banyak penyakit; kencing manis, darah tinggi, arthritis. Aku mengeluh juga sesekali.

Semalam aku di Tabung Haji jumpa client aku, sempat bersembang dengan seorang anggota tentera. Dia hilang isteri dia disebabkan kanser buah dada. Panjang lebar dia cerita kat aku. Aku angguk saja. Dah tu, nak kata apa lagi? Aku tahu camner rasanya jaga orang sakit.

Cukuplah, takyah jaga pun...tengok orang sakit pun dah cukup buat kita sebak. Inikan pulak orang-orang yang rapat dalam family kita. Boleh terduduk weyyyy..

Ish, leh sakit jiwa citer pasal ni beb...ok la..aku nak ciao dulu!

Esok aku akan genap berumur 25 tahun. Tapi sehari sebelum aku punya birthday, aku rasa down. Down yang sampai buat aku rasa blur. Tak pergi jumpa clients. Padahal dah sampai kat bangunan client aku. Lepas tu aku jalan-jalan sorang-sorang macam orang bodoh kat dalam building tu. Rasa macam...blur lagi.

Esok aku umur 25 tahun.

Apa aku yang aku nak dalam hidup ni?

Aku sunyi.

Apa yang aku nak achieve dalam hidup aku ni sebenarnya?

Aku nak........(still blur lagi)

Aku ingat lagi last year masa birthday aku, aku wish satu menda - Aku nak lunch sama-sama dengan family DSAI and sembang-sembang dengan DSAI pasal Malaysia. Rasa-rasa boleh dapat ke? Mahal sangat ke harga birthday wish aku tu?

Bertemu Idolaku

Semalam dan kelmarin jadi sejarah bagi aku sebab buat pertama kalinya aku berjumpa dengan pemimpin idola aku, Dato Seri Anwar Ibrahim. Orang yang aku bahasakan saudara Anwar dalam surat yang selalu aku kirimkan kepadanya dari bumi Amerika akhirnya berjabat tangan dengan aku. Yang paling seronok bila dia ingat siapa aku, bila aku memperkenalkan aku sebagai "Farid, pengutus surat dari Amerika". Masakan tidak dia melupakan aku bila aku tiapkali aku kirimkan surat kepadanya, surat aku penuh dengan soalan-soalan yang tak bertapis dan bertepis. DSAI mengaku sendiri dalam surat balasannya kepada aku tentang kepedasan soalan-soalan aku.

Alhamdulillah aku bertemu dengan DSAI di mahkamah sivil, di mana beliau menyaman Khalid Jafri berkenaan penulisan/penerbitan 50 Dalil Mengapa Anwar Tidak Boleh Jadi PM. DSAI telah menang dalam kes saman ini dan mahkamah telah menganugerahkan RM 4.5 juta pampasan dari pihak defendan kepadanya. Aku pun tumpang gembira dengan berita itu.

Sayang sekali aku tak dapat menghabiskan banyak masa untuk bersembang mengenai hala politik negara dengan beliau. Paling rapat yang aku dapat bersembang ialah dengan setiausahanya, Azmin Ali. Teruk juga aku dikenakan oleh Azmin di depan DSAI. Tapi tak apa, itu satu permulaan sahaja.

Insya Allah, jalan kita masih jauh lagi.

No Women No Cry

At the moment, I am having a drink by myself at Shrooms Cafe in KLCC. It's 10.51 pm and it's Friday night. I know, it's pathetic to be by myself alone here with quite a big crowd of KLites, having good time here.

The band just sang Bob Marley's song, No Women No Cry. Since there is quite a number of male customers here, they all gave an undivided attention to the song. In fact, some of them sang along with the band, including some African dudes here. Amazing for what a song can change the whole mood of the cafe.

Anyway, I requested a song, Buy Me A Rose by the late Luther Vandross, but I'm not sure if the band will entertain it. For what I know, none of my requested songs previously was entertained by the band. The reason - they don't know the song. I guess the songs are too sentimental. Too bad!

My Positive Energy Goes Down the Drain

Okay, as much as the haze is throbbing our precious life, same goes to my mood and emotional standing at the moment. Maybe because I did not perform very much this week.

Anyway, just want to share a piece of my true and real self. Only those who see with their heart will see me through this piece.

Bercinta sudah lama
Berkasih dan bermesra...
Sedang enak membuai rasa, perpisahan tercipta
Mengapa sementara... cerahnya cinta kita
Mendung tiba tiada kupinta
Gelapnya suasana
Walaupun hatiku amat berat melepasmu
Dan rintangan mendatang sayang
Terpaksa kuleraikan
Seandainya...kita harungi jua
Telah punah semua sayang
Mimpi yang kau harapkan
Kupasti kau kembali menyatu dua hati
Lebih elok cari pengganti
Tiada kau menyendiri
Tak guna disesalkan hakikat percintaan
Mungkin terpendam kenikmatan
Sebalik perpisahan - Khatijah Ibrahim, Kupendam Sebuah Duka

Moga-moga bawa manfaat pada siapa yang melihat dengan mata hati yang celik.

Birthday is Coming Soon, August 31st

Okay okay..enough of self-inflating self esteem.
I just want a few items for my birthday. Last time I check, the last time I got birthday present was in 1999 from Aida and Aini. Thank you to both of you.

I want to get a white shirt with nice design which i can wear with cufflinks. You can get the shirt at men's wear at Isetan for 50% discount (that's for Renoma brand) and 20% discount (for Padini, double cufflinks wrists) until August 31st. My size would be L with collar 17 inches. Hehehehe..

And of course, if possible, kalau dapat cuffllinks pun menarik jugak! Yang match dengan kemeja tu kan! Hehehehehe....pray hard for myself to get those items!

Anybody want to sedekah to me?

Talking Bout Lonely

Oh well, finally I come to this topic. What prompt me to write such topic? The instinct tells me exactly what I suppose to write. Do not fear the criticism of other people, because this blog is ultimately mine (povided that I don't legally violate Blogger's contract).

Anyway, I just came home from a training in Trolak, Perak. The training was good, very meaningful and beneficial for me. The training also made my whole body aching like an old man in 80s. The muscles sore quite badly. However, the price for attending the training and the lesson received from the training - priceless.

While I was there too I came across with a questions, "What prompt you to get married?". I asked the question to two of my dear friends in agency. Each answered uniquely. I listened to them patiently as the time crept to 1 am. They both gave reasonable answers.

Later that night I pondered myself, why am I asking such question to people? I also asked them, "Do you feel at one point, you feel that your life is so lonely when you come home?". Surprisingly, none of them answered it positively. They said, it just happened. Once you set the date, everything falls down into the place perfectly. Not because they happened for no reason. They happened because they were planned to happen. It's about the word, 'wanting'.

A want. A burning desire to get or achieve something. When a want turns into 'the want', everything look simpler because obstacles are perceived as challenges, not turn offs. Magic happens when you believe that in order to have something, you need to do whatever it takes to make it happen. At the end, it happens in accordance to what you want it to happen.

This gives a cue - life itself moves into the direction we set earlier. Focus on the thing you want, insya Allah you will have it.

Everything I Do, I Do It For....

Look into my eyes,
You will see..what you mean to me
Search your heart, search your soul
When you find me there
You'll search no more.
Don't tell me it's not worth trying for
You can't tell me its not worth dying for
You know it's true..everything I do
I do it for you.. - Bryan Adams, soundtrack of 'Prince of Thieves'

A person who I hold very dear to heart once told me that I do whatever I think it's right to do. For as long it suits my purpose. I believe I agree with what she said to me. I can be hot-headed sometimes and most definitely stubborn in a very subtle way. I never abandon my dream and therefore, I will never walk away from my dreams and hopes.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies", said Andy Dufresne in box office movie, Shawshank Redemption. I completely agree with him. I am keeping a hope that I will someday be who I want to be, not whoever else wants me to be. I will not linger on my weakness, instead I will focus on possibilities because they are the driving force behind the mankind's achievement.

Many hopes I keep in my heart and many hopes I keep in my mind. For whatever I am doing right now, I am doing it for myself and for the people who I hold very dear to my heart. They may not see it now, but insya Allah, I am sure 20 or 30 years from now, they will look back and smile with gratitude.

Food Poisoned

I am having a food poisoned situation. Asyik terberak tak henti-henti. Geezz...gross right? I bet it is!

Sickness teaches us to be patient. Illness reminds us that life isn't always filled with flowery news or sunshiny tales. Sickness may also open a new paradigm, but it may also shut down one's brain. Like myself, today.

One thing for sure I know, unhealthy body can create unhealthy mindset. Like, giving up for what you have believed. Doubt. Hmmm...very bad eh?

Therefore, jagalah badan untuk kesihatan minda. Or maybe, to be come Glokal Malay. Errr..what the fuck am I talking about?

Real Reason

What I wrote last night was actually intended to talk about relationship. However, something struck my mind and I changed the topic. Besides, I usually suck in relationship. Opppsss, words have power! I am not supposed to say such thing about myself.

Oh yes, coming back to the real issue. Relationship. I listened to Anthony Robbin's motivational speech in compact disc collection this morning when I was ironing my shirt. It was an awesome speech on relationship. Especially when you heard if from one of the best motivational speaker in the world, Mr. Robbins.

Relationship like any other thing, is a living thing. It must be nurtured and must be maintained. Most of us fail to maintain the relationship especially when the courting session has ended. This is due to Law of familiarity. We have become so familiar with the sensational feeling unlike when we first met with our spouse. Remember?

Do you still remember your spouse's clothes when you meet him/her for the first time? Do you still remember how it felt to see your spouse smiled at you, or even wave his/her hand at you? How did you feel at that time?

However, later when the time moves forward, slowly the awesome and overwhelming feeling of love and joy fade away. Mainly because we are so used to that kind of feeling. In plain English, we take for granted for whatever things we have.

In order to maintain the relationship, Anthony Robbin suggest those people who are in relationship must do pre-supposition by asking themselves empowering questions. For example, like what he does in his marriage, consistently asks his wife Becky of 'how lucky he is to meet a lady like her'. This obviously an empowering question. It emphasizes the word 'lucky'. Indirectly, the questions induces a pre-supposition that he is lucky to meet his wife. Remember, words have power! This word will shape the neuro association in his brain that he is lucky to meet Becky. Due to the same reason, the brain will always associate good feeling, love feeling into his emotion, as it serves as an achor to his subconscious mind.

Wow...is it hard to understand?

No, I don't think so. It's really simple, if you listen to his CD. Oh well, I believe he left a message to those who are not in relationship, ie. myself, to write down a clear description of our miss right. A clear description means, full description of positive and negative behaviour of our miss right (please, by all mean, minimize the negative behaviour for our sake!). Law of perpertual transmutation will take care of it if we are specific enough about our 'dream spouse'. Of course, it must be followed with a high degree of intensity in emotion when we write it down. That will help the subconscious mind to get grip on that written message.

For as long as you focus on that, that dream spouse will eventually show up in your life. Not because you are looking for it consciously. It's actually your subsconscious mind who does it.

Allright, I need to go now. The Starbuck is closing now. Oh, before I forget, girls like surprise! So my fellow mates, surprise your girl and you will be surprised, how much they love it (or maybe, hate it!).

Live your life with passion!!

Satu Kesan Abadi

Hidup kita takkan berhenti hanya kerana kita ditimpa musibah sekali dua. Hidup kita juga tidak akan menjadi baik sekiranya kita hanya berfikir mengenainya tanpa mengambil apa-apa pengajaran daripada musibah yang melanda. Adakalanya juga, kehidupan kita disapa musibah hanya untuk memberikan kita peluang yang lebih baik untuk memajukan diri.

Aku percaya aku sedang berada dalam satu fasa kehidupan yang akan membawa aku ke satu peringkat yang lebih tinggi lagi. Fikiran aku sangat fokus kepada satu misi. Misi untuk mencari kekayaan dunia. Aku yakin, ramai akan mempersendakan aku. Insya Allah, aku takkan tergugat. Setiap hari aku memikirkan cara yang terbaik untuk menghasilkan duit. Robert T. Kiyosaki kata, kita tak perlukan duit untuk menghasilkan duit. Kata Anthony Robbins pulak, selagi kita fokus pada apa yang kita mahukan, nescaya kita akan memperolehinya.

Law of Perpetual Transmutation states that our mind is a formless substance. It will start to form whatever that we have in our mind, for as long we maintain our focus on the thought. Later it will start to manifest in physical matter. It is a law of universe.

Secara terus terangnya, aku memikirkan cara atau kaedah untuk mendapatkan wang yang banyak tanpa bersusah payah. Setakat ini, baru satu cara yang aku tahu. Online investment. Sekarang aku mulakan pula satu kerjaya yang akan memberikan aku nilai yang aku mahukan selagi aku fokus dan juga buat dengan bersungguh-sungguh. Aku fikir, aku tak boleh lagi kerja makan gaji. Selagi aku makan gaji, selagi itulah masa depan aku tak ke mana. Memang betul, agak mencabar bila aku cuba berubah dari mentaliti orang makan gaji dengan orang kerja sendiri. Keadaan kewangan pun tidak menentu. Belum termasuk hutang-hutang lain yang kita kumpulkan. Tapi aku percaya...selagi aku teruskan tumpuan aku terhadap kerjaya ini, insya Allah aku mampu menjadikannya lebih baik dan akan dapat apa yang aku perolehi. Kerjaya yang aku ceburi sekarang ini membantu client aku untuk mendapatkan kestabilan dalam kewangan mereka. Zig Ziglar sebut, "If we help enough people, people will help us in return". And I believe in that.

Setakat ini, ada beberapa orang yang memperkecil-kecilkan apa yang aku buat. Bagi aku, itu semuanya menguatkan lagi semangat aku. Aku bercadang untuk mengumpulkan aset sebanyak mungkin untuk membantu aku memulakan bisnes. Satu dua idea bisnes sudah ada dalam fikiran cuma mahu direalisasikan atas peringkat kertas kerja pula. Yakin atas kemampuan diri..aku akan cuba manifestasikan apa yang ada dalam fikiran aku.

I always believe, a great journey is always started with a small step. And my journey has just begun.

On the Way to Become Mental Warrior

There can be miracles
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe - When You Believe, Mariah Carey

For the past few weeks, I was being constant pounded with new doctrine. A doctrine which is changing my entire view about myself. It is called, "Journey to Become Mental Warrior". Ahah, I know some of you will feel icky about it but I must say this, you and I is different. Although we both are borne from the same matter, but the most important matter is up here in our brain.

Being a mental warrior requires me to change my perception about life. It demands me to change my attitude. Yes, I went through some attitude overhaul for the past few weeks. I try my best to do that and I am still doing it. Cleaning up some parts of my attitude.

I can say that I am going through a crucial phase of my life now. I'm feeling enthusiastic for what I am doing. I don't want to give excuses anymore. Everyday when I wake up from my sleep, the first question I ask myself is, "How's my energy level today?". I will answer, "I'm feeling fantastic!!!". Doesn't matter how sleepy I feel at that moment, but I still want to send a clear message to my brain to energize my whole body.

Change words for better

Since I get to know some interesting and positive minded people, I have started to emulate their habit which is to substitute negative words to positive words. For instance, we usually will say 'tension', 'problem' or any word which reflects the negative tone to ourselves. We need to be reminded that words have power. For that power will either give motivations to your subconscious mind or discourage your mind and makes it weak. Weak mind will produce weak productivity. Therefore I start to use 'challenge' for 'problem' and 'difficult' to 'interesting'.

I wrote my goals in my diary and every night before I go to bed, I will read aloud my goals so that they will come into my subconscious mind. I do the same when I wake up from my sleep. At the moment, yes I am having some financial problem. I do admit that but I don't feel ashamed of that. I constantly ask myself the empowering questions of hows instead of whys (question which I used to ask myself pitifully).

Another thing I learnt a lot is about visualization. I do visualize a lot of my goals. Either financially, personally and emotionally. I am working at this moment to work on my goals and I won't let anyone to be in my way. Of course I am facing many skeptical people. People are questioning whether I am enjoying myself in doing whatever I am doing right now. I just tell them, "This rewards me with many interesting experience!".

Before I end this entry, I just want to say one thing to you all, "Be, Do, Have!". If that intrigues you, feel free to leave any message at the comment link. :). Live your life with passion!!

I Live in The Past, Only For Today

I skipped through my old diary and I found this one entry which somehow attracted my attention. Let me just put it in this blog.

Monday, Jun 8th 2001.
I checked a few apartments for Kak Zu. Too bad, none of them really suit for her and her husband. Anyway, I am satisfied with what I did for her.

I don't know why I still feel tired after coming back from my long winter break. Full of adventure, I could say that.

I went to a lot of places. We traveled to New York City, West Haven (Connecticut), Syracuse (New York upstate area) and stopped by at Cleveland (Ohio) after driving through a blizzard for about an hour. We continued the journey to Charlotte, North Carolina. After we spent a few days in Charlotte, we drove to Ann Arbor in Michigan to send Syawal back to his campus. I stayed a couple of days at Syawal's place. I also caught fever while I was there. Maybe because I didn't have enough rest.

I think, frankly, this tour was the clumsiest tour I ever had. All the places were planned spontaneously. Don't you think it was miserable? Nay...who cares?

Oh well, the real reason I think it's interesting because it is the first entry in my diary. Besides, it reminds me to my good friend, Syawal, who is very faraway from this motherland. Hopefully his ambition will be fulfilled, soon.

Maybe many people were thinking what have I been doing for the past few months. I did many things, really...many things. I read many books, I did many activities, I ventured into new things that I never really think about them before. I helped disabled people. I smiled a lot. I increase my level of acceptance and I start to get in touch with my subconcious mind. It worths of my solitary time, I guess.

So people, hello again! I'll be seeing you from time to time. In the meantime, don't forget to live your life with PASSION!!!!