The Things That Make Me Happy
I feel happy every time I read her sms.
I feel happy every time I hear her voice over the telephone.
I feel happy every time I receive her message over the messenger or through email.
I feel happy every time I look at the koala doll she gave to me at the airport.
I feel happy every time I look at her photos.
I feel happy every time I dial her number at my cellphone.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Miserable Weekend
This weekend I experienced a lot. I questioned a lot. And I felt pain a lot. My 'state management' is in mess. I am seeking something to ease the negative feeling I have. Still to no avail. I know, I can change the way I feel by simply asking series of quality questions, but I am emotionally paralysed.
Hmm...I better finish reading my reading, 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself.
This weekend I experienced a lot. I questioned a lot. And I felt pain a lot. My 'state management' is in mess. I am seeking something to ease the negative feeling I have. Still to no avail. I know, I can change the way I feel by simply asking series of quality questions, but I am emotionally paralysed.
Hmm...I better finish reading my reading, 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Something From the Bottom of My Heart
Every day I wake up from my sleep, other than yawning and streching, there is a constant knocking kind of question comes to my mind.
These questions are, "What kind of things I can do to make her happy? What kind of person I should be to make her happy?".
And these questions go to myself for my mom and her. When I keep focusing on the solutions to answer these questions, I'm beginning to experiment many things. Some may be helpful, some could be potentially disastrous.
But I guess, it worth the effort because at the end of the day, I know that I have done my best. At the end of the day, I know they both are irreplaceable.
Every day I wake up from my sleep, other than yawning and streching, there is a constant knocking kind of question comes to my mind.
These questions are, "What kind of things I can do to make her happy? What kind of person I should be to make her happy?".
And these questions go to myself for my mom and her. When I keep focusing on the solutions to answer these questions, I'm beginning to experiment many things. Some may be helpful, some could be potentially disastrous.
But I guess, it worth the effort because at the end of the day, I know that I have done my best. At the end of the day, I know they both are irreplaceable.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Pernah Tak?
Korang pernah tak dapat phone call from someone and bila dah habis phone call tu, korang lompat-lompat cam beruk dari ruang tamu sampai ke dapur?
Aku pernah (nasib baik mak bapak aku tak ada kat rumah masa tu!)
Korang pernah tak dapat phone call from someone and bila dah habis phone call tu, korang senyum sampai kena tarik-tarik pipi tu ke bawah kasik takmo senyum lagi?
Aku pernah.
Korang pernah tak dapat phone call from someone and tiba-tiba terputus, korang rasa macam nak pergi sepak Menteri Telekomunikasi (errr..sape nama dia ek?)?
Aku pernah.
Korang pernah tak dapat phone call from someone and bila dah habis phone call tu, korang lompat-lompat cam beruk dari ruang tamu sampai ke dapur?
Aku pernah (nasib baik mak bapak aku tak ada kat rumah masa tu!)
Korang pernah tak dapat phone call from someone and bila dah habis phone call tu, korang senyum sampai kena tarik-tarik pipi tu ke bawah kasik takmo senyum lagi?
Aku pernah.
Korang pernah tak dapat phone call from someone and tiba-tiba terputus, korang rasa macam nak pergi sepak Menteri Telekomunikasi (errr..sape nama dia ek?)?
Aku pernah.
Monday, March 20, 2006
A Stint Feeling of Gratitude
I was thinking whether I should write about my experience today or not. At first, I was bogged down by the feeling of suspicious and uncertainty. However, after I talked to her, I decided to write it here in my blog.
I was driving to mama's house. It was raining heavily. The MRR2 high way from the opposite direction near the new Shell's gas station was flooded. There was a traffic congestion on that highway coming from Hulu Kelang and going to Cheras. I really didn't do much thinking at that time. All I had was the not-so-stimulating tunes from the radio.
As I approached to the junction going to Ampang Jaya, I saw a man drenched in his t shirt, walking from car to car asking for something. I didn't know why did he do that. Deep in my heart, I felt like that person might need some assistance. Oh well, the evil in my heart says, "Oh please, don't let him come near me!". But there is another voice says, "Hey, remember what happened to you in Washington DC 5 years ago?".
Finally, he reached to my car and knocked the window. He told me that his car was broken. Its starter created problem. He asked whether he could borrow RM50 from me and he promised he will return the money back. I spontaneously said, "Pakcik, saya tak ada banyak tu. 20 ringgit ada la". But the old man insisted. He swore on God's name that his car was jammed up and he will return the money. I did some thinking right on the spot. It lasted only for about 10 seconds. Remember Washington DC and the Arab who helped me? That was the question I asked myself.
"Okay okay, pakcik naik kereta saya. Kita pergi ATM".
"Kalau macam tu, boleh tak pakcik pinjam RM 100. Starter kereta buat rosak sungguh. Demi Allah pakcik pulangkan semula duit awak".
I withdrew RM 100 from the bank and handed the money to him together with my new Expletus Solution namecard. I hope he didn't think that I'm one filthy rich guy just because my namecard has a title of Multimedia Director. I quietly argued with myself, why the heck I gave him RM100? I need to use a lot of money this month to pay bills, getting new passport, opening an account in Maybank etc.
Then it came to my mind that I realized, I've been getting a lot lately. I am on the receiving side. Why not I give some to make it even. Besides, there must be reason why God sent that guy to me. I used exactly the word that the Arab guy told me in his SUV 5 years ago. "God sent you to me so I can help you".
I believe, in order for me to receive more, it must always start with me giving more to others. The the law of universe will take its course immediately.
I hope that guy solved his problem and got back to his wife and children safely in the midst of heavy raining.
I was thinking whether I should write about my experience today or not. At first, I was bogged down by the feeling of suspicious and uncertainty. However, after I talked to her, I decided to write it here in my blog.
I was driving to mama's house. It was raining heavily. The MRR2 high way from the opposite direction near the new Shell's gas station was flooded. There was a traffic congestion on that highway coming from Hulu Kelang and going to Cheras. I really didn't do much thinking at that time. All I had was the not-so-stimulating tunes from the radio.
As I approached to the junction going to Ampang Jaya, I saw a man drenched in his t shirt, walking from car to car asking for something. I didn't know why did he do that. Deep in my heart, I felt like that person might need some assistance. Oh well, the evil in my heart says, "Oh please, don't let him come near me!". But there is another voice says, "Hey, remember what happened to you in Washington DC 5 years ago?".
Finally, he reached to my car and knocked the window. He told me that his car was broken. Its starter created problem. He asked whether he could borrow RM50 from me and he promised he will return the money back. I spontaneously said, "Pakcik, saya tak ada banyak tu. 20 ringgit ada la". But the old man insisted. He swore on God's name that his car was jammed up and he will return the money. I did some thinking right on the spot. It lasted only for about 10 seconds. Remember Washington DC and the Arab who helped me? That was the question I asked myself.
"Okay okay, pakcik naik kereta saya. Kita pergi ATM".
"Kalau macam tu, boleh tak pakcik pinjam RM 100. Starter kereta buat rosak sungguh. Demi Allah pakcik pulangkan semula duit awak".
I withdrew RM 100 from the bank and handed the money to him together with my new Expletus Solution namecard. I hope he didn't think that I'm one filthy rich guy just because my namecard has a title of Multimedia Director. I quietly argued with myself, why the heck I gave him RM100? I need to use a lot of money this month to pay bills, getting new passport, opening an account in Maybank etc.
Then it came to my mind that I realized, I've been getting a lot lately. I am on the receiving side. Why not I give some to make it even. Besides, there must be reason why God sent that guy to me. I used exactly the word that the Arab guy told me in his SUV 5 years ago. "God sent you to me so I can help you".
I believe, in order for me to receive more, it must always start with me giving more to others. The the law of universe will take its course immediately.
I hope that guy solved his problem and got back to his wife and children safely in the midst of heavy raining.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
I am not a Hopeful Fool
Almost ten years ago I wrote a well planned plan for myself. I was 17 year-old kid. By the end of 10th year, I should have been married to anyone or rather, someone. However, that doesn't appear to be happening anytime in the near distance future. Now my 10 year plan is running out of its time. It will expire next year. So far, the plan has been followed closely. But sometimes along the line, there were some instances of skewed outcomes and therefore they led to some weird precedents. Anyway, I still believe there must be good reason why they happened that way.
To be honest, I don't exactly know what will happen to me in the next 10 years. I could be broke. I could be poor. And I could also be filthy rich. Many older people told me that once you reach 30, whatever comes after that will be passing through like shooting bullet. Things happen so fast after you have reached 30. For all you know, you will be 40 or 50 and realized you should have done something when you were a lot younger. For instance, planning for wonderful and exciting retirement.
If I were given an option right now of what kind of self image I would like to project for myself, certainly I'll choose a positive and exciting self image. Why do I need to opt for a negative self-image? It just doesn't feel right to do that to myself.
I will project constantly that aforementioned self-image so that I can influence my own thought to focus on it. In my projected self-image, I also picture myself as a financially independent person who has a loving family, a beautiful and loving wife and children and I am also being a very good parent and son to my parents. In another 10 more years, I will make sure I'll achieve those inspirations. In my guts feeling and deep down in my heart, I know someday I will be somebody who is very important to many, many people out there. I don't know how I will achieve that but I know I will be that kind of person. Someday.
I don't really know what will happen next to me. But I do know one thing, I want to make those aspiration come true. Despite the unseen obstacles, I will tackle it one by one. A step at a time. For whatever will happen to me after it, I will take it like a man. Like what I always did for the past 25 years of my existence.
Life is a field of endless possibilities. Why don't we start dreaming right now? But don't forget to chase the dreams.
Almost ten years ago I wrote a well planned plan for myself. I was 17 year-old kid. By the end of 10th year, I should have been married to anyone or rather, someone. However, that doesn't appear to be happening anytime in the near distance future. Now my 10 year plan is running out of its time. It will expire next year. So far, the plan has been followed closely. But sometimes along the line, there were some instances of skewed outcomes and therefore they led to some weird precedents. Anyway, I still believe there must be good reason why they happened that way.
To be honest, I don't exactly know what will happen to me in the next 10 years. I could be broke. I could be poor. And I could also be filthy rich. Many older people told me that once you reach 30, whatever comes after that will be passing through like shooting bullet. Things happen so fast after you have reached 30. For all you know, you will be 40 or 50 and realized you should have done something when you were a lot younger. For instance, planning for wonderful and exciting retirement.
If I were given an option right now of what kind of self image I would like to project for myself, certainly I'll choose a positive and exciting self image. Why do I need to opt for a negative self-image? It just doesn't feel right to do that to myself.
I will project constantly that aforementioned self-image so that I can influence my own thought to focus on it. In my projected self-image, I also picture myself as a financially independent person who has a loving family, a beautiful and loving wife and children and I am also being a very good parent and son to my parents. In another 10 more years, I will make sure I'll achieve those inspirations. In my guts feeling and deep down in my heart, I know someday I will be somebody who is very important to many, many people out there. I don't know how I will achieve that but I know I will be that kind of person. Someday.
I don't really know what will happen next to me. But I do know one thing, I want to make those aspiration come true. Despite the unseen obstacles, I will tackle it one by one. A step at a time. For whatever will happen to me after it, I will take it like a man. Like what I always did for the past 25 years of my existence.
Life is a field of endless possibilities. Why don't we start dreaming right now? But don't forget to chase the dreams.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Simple Thinking
There's not much I can say here except that I am damn tired. Still couldn't recover from my fatigue coming back from Melaka. I crashed at my bed at 7 pm and only woke up by 12 am. I was flat. Out.
And before that, I was meeting this one friend. An old time neighbor. Actually, she's a sister of my friend and since we are neighbor, so I know everyone in the family. She asked for my help. She seeks motivation. Okay, yeah I know..it's lame.
I told her, just like I told myself, "for things to change, I must change first". That is the popular mantra in my life now. Nothing can be done if I don't want to do anything. It's either you do something or you dont do anything and goes extinct.
But she keeps giving excuses. [Sigh]. So I told her, "Hey look here...u can be like this and go on and on until u die and rot in the grave. Nothing will change. So, suck it up, ok?". I am tired with people who want something but not willing to sacrifice for that. I hate them because they suck my energy. I guess that's why I was so exhausted today.
One more thing, if you are beautiful and good looking but keep failing in relationship - there must be wrong with you. For instance, I'm not good looking and I sometimes fail in relationship. I don't blame anyone. One finger points out and actually, there are 3 fingers pointing back at me. Most of the time, I quietly admit that I can be such a nuisance in relationship.
We want people to change for us. For our sake. C'mon, get real wil ya? It ain't gonna happen. I don't want to change people. Seriously I don't. So I let it be. Que sera sera.
Whatever it is, we need to be aware of one thing - Things are not getting better if we keep whining and not doing anything. Start taking action now. Every problem has solution. I am tired and exhausted. So the solution is, I need to get sleep now. See y'all later!
There's not much I can say here except that I am damn tired. Still couldn't recover from my fatigue coming back from Melaka. I crashed at my bed at 7 pm and only woke up by 12 am. I was flat. Out.
And before that, I was meeting this one friend. An old time neighbor. Actually, she's a sister of my friend and since we are neighbor, so I know everyone in the family. She asked for my help. She seeks motivation. Okay, yeah I know..it's lame.
I told her, just like I told myself, "for things to change, I must change first". That is the popular mantra in my life now. Nothing can be done if I don't want to do anything. It's either you do something or you dont do anything and goes extinct.
But she keeps giving excuses. [Sigh]. So I told her, "Hey look here...u can be like this and go on and on until u die and rot in the grave. Nothing will change. So, suck it up, ok?". I am tired with people who want something but not willing to sacrifice for that. I hate them because they suck my energy. I guess that's why I was so exhausted today.
One more thing, if you are beautiful and good looking but keep failing in relationship - there must be wrong with you. For instance, I'm not good looking and I sometimes fail in relationship. I don't blame anyone. One finger points out and actually, there are 3 fingers pointing back at me. Most of the time, I quietly admit that I can be such a nuisance in relationship.
We want people to change for us. For our sake. C'mon, get real wil ya? It ain't gonna happen. I don't want to change people. Seriously I don't. So I let it be. Que sera sera.
Whatever it is, we need to be aware of one thing - Things are not getting better if we keep whining and not doing anything. Start taking action now. Every problem has solution. I am tired and exhausted. So the solution is, I need to get sleep now. See y'all later!
Friday, March 03, 2006
I have A Dream
In 1963, Martin Luther King wrote and delivered a speech named "I Have A Dream in Washington DC, United States of America. His ambition is too see one day the civil society of America will unite despite their differences in colors, religion beliefs and political ideology. But today I have a dream of which I would like to see it happens at least before I close my eyes and come back to my Creator.
I have a dream
One day when all people in my country
Come together as brothers and sisters
To lead the country in harmony
And to live as one big proud nation
I have a dream
One day to see where people and rulers
Live in mutual understanding
Far beyond any class division
And beyond racial silent segregation
I have a dream
In my wildest dream...to see the wealth of nation
to be divided equally to its people of Malaysia
and equally awarded the independence
of thinking and doctrination
I have a dream
One day I will taste the wind of change
Breezing through every citizen of this proud nation
I have a dream
To see once again the true independence
Shines again, in its truest definition
In the heart and soul of every man and woman
in this country call Malaysia
Ladies & Gentlemen,
This recent hike of petroleum reflects many weaknesses of our country's administration. The explanation comes from our Deputy Prime Minister is weak and vague. Again and again, the patience of rakyat is being tested. Our liberty to think and act in accordance to our civil right enshrined in the Constitution is clearly being surpressed by the authority. Our rights are being violated ruthlessly by our ruler. I appeal to the wise and learned people of my country to stand up and voice out your dissatisfaction through legal and proper way in order to let the power that be knows that the rakyat is in charge of this country.
Let this be the moment of awakening. The moment of union between many silent segregated races. The moment of education for all the ministers in our ruling parties so they know and understand what does it mean to be bestowed with ruling power. It is meant to protect and to defend the helpless, to empower the rakyat and to increase the prosperity of this country. It is not to demise misery upon the rakyat nor to condone any corruption activities done in the name of creating a progressive and modern Malaysia.
This is my calling to all our brothers and sisters in Malaysia. I wrote this with my clear conscience without fear or favor and I bear the consequences by myself. Let us come together across our religion beliefs, our political ideology and our skin color. Stand up and fight for your right. For your right to live under clean and conscious government, for your right to select the best education for your children and for your right to choose the belief of your own.
Year 2008 is just around the corner. Mark my words, the wind of change is coming! I will see you there outside of the voting booth!
In 1963, Martin Luther King wrote and delivered a speech named "I Have A Dream in Washington DC, United States of America. His ambition is too see one day the civil society of America will unite despite their differences in colors, religion beliefs and political ideology. But today I have a dream of which I would like to see it happens at least before I close my eyes and come back to my Creator.
I have a dream
One day when all people in my country
Come together as brothers and sisters
To lead the country in harmony
And to live as one big proud nation
I have a dream
One day to see where people and rulers
Live in mutual understanding
Far beyond any class division
And beyond racial silent segregation
I have a dream
In my wildest dream...to see the wealth of nation
to be divided equally to its people of Malaysia
and equally awarded the independence
of thinking and doctrination
I have a dream
One day I will taste the wind of change
Breezing through every citizen of this proud nation
I have a dream
To see once again the true independence
Shines again, in its truest definition
In the heart and soul of every man and woman
in this country call Malaysia
Ladies & Gentlemen,
This recent hike of petroleum reflects many weaknesses of our country's administration. The explanation comes from our Deputy Prime Minister is weak and vague. Again and again, the patience of rakyat is being tested. Our liberty to think and act in accordance to our civil right enshrined in the Constitution is clearly being surpressed by the authority. Our rights are being violated ruthlessly by our ruler. I appeal to the wise and learned people of my country to stand up and voice out your dissatisfaction through legal and proper way in order to let the power that be knows that the rakyat is in charge of this country.
Let this be the moment of awakening. The moment of union between many silent segregated races. The moment of education for all the ministers in our ruling parties so they know and understand what does it mean to be bestowed with ruling power. It is meant to protect and to defend the helpless, to empower the rakyat and to increase the prosperity of this country. It is not to demise misery upon the rakyat nor to condone any corruption activities done in the name of creating a progressive and modern Malaysia.
This is my calling to all our brothers and sisters in Malaysia. I wrote this with my clear conscience without fear or favor and I bear the consequences by myself. Let us come together across our religion beliefs, our political ideology and our skin color. Stand up and fight for your right. For your right to live under clean and conscious government, for your right to select the best education for your children and for your right to choose the belief of your own.
Year 2008 is just around the corner. Mark my words, the wind of change is coming! I will see you there outside of the voting booth!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Saudara Dan Kawan
Mak Ngah Ati Suria ialah makcik aku. Dia sepupu kepada ayah aku. Aku berkawan dengan dia sejak dia darjah 6 sampai ke hari ini. Dulu-dulu, waktu Mak Ngah di sekolah menengah, dia selalu menulis surat untuk aku semasa aku di Alam Shah. Lepas tu, dia kenalkan aku pada kawan-kawan dia. Semua kawan dia tak percaya yang dia ada anak saudara muda setahun dari dia di Alam Shah.
Now, dia dah kahwin. In fact, baru saja kahwin pada 28 Januari lepas. Suaminya ialah kenalan dia waktu di Southampton dulu. Aku still blur..patut ke aku panggil husband dia 'Pak Ngah'? Atau pun just guna, kau aku saja?
Mak Long dan Mak Ngah ialah kawan-kawan aku dalam lingkungan sedara mara aku. Mak Long Ati Kesuma sudah lama jadi idola aku. Sejak aku kecil lagi, aku selalu menjadikan Mak Long sebagai role model aku. Mak Long seorang saja dari kalangan saudara mara aku yang termasuk dalam circle of trust aku. Aku ceritakan kepada dia pasal semua benda. Semua yang aku buat, semua perempuan-perempuan yang aku minat waktu dulu-dulu, pasal problem aku kat sekolah dulu. Aku memang kowtim habis dengan Mak Long. Malah, aku pernah berjanji dengan dia untuk jadi 'good boy' dia. Ermmm..tak sure la kalau aku still 'good boy' or not. Whatever it is, aku perlahan-lahan dapat mengikuti jejak langkah dia. Cuma aku tak bekerja dengan PETRONAS. Aku buka business sendiri.
Mak Long kahwin dengan Pak Long agak-agak dalam 3 4 tahun sudah. Yang aku ingat tarikh perkahwinan diorang sebab sama dengan birthday Asiah, 9 September. Pak Long ialah housemate Along waktu di Loughborough. Hmm..what a coincidence!!
Mak Ngah Ati Suria ialah makcik aku. Dia sepupu kepada ayah aku. Aku berkawan dengan dia sejak dia darjah 6 sampai ke hari ini. Dulu-dulu, waktu Mak Ngah di sekolah menengah, dia selalu menulis surat untuk aku semasa aku di Alam Shah. Lepas tu, dia kenalkan aku pada kawan-kawan dia. Semua kawan dia tak percaya yang dia ada anak saudara muda setahun dari dia di Alam Shah.
Now, dia dah kahwin. In fact, baru saja kahwin pada 28 Januari lepas. Suaminya ialah kenalan dia waktu di Southampton dulu. Aku still blur..patut ke aku panggil husband dia 'Pak Ngah'? Atau pun just guna, kau aku saja?
Mak Long dan Mak Ngah ialah kawan-kawan aku dalam lingkungan sedara mara aku. Mak Long Ati Kesuma sudah lama jadi idola aku. Sejak aku kecil lagi, aku selalu menjadikan Mak Long sebagai role model aku. Mak Long seorang saja dari kalangan saudara mara aku yang termasuk dalam circle of trust aku. Aku ceritakan kepada dia pasal semua benda. Semua yang aku buat, semua perempuan-perempuan yang aku minat waktu dulu-dulu, pasal problem aku kat sekolah dulu. Aku memang kowtim habis dengan Mak Long. Malah, aku pernah berjanji dengan dia untuk jadi 'good boy' dia. Ermmm..tak sure la kalau aku still 'good boy' or not. Whatever it is, aku perlahan-lahan dapat mengikuti jejak langkah dia. Cuma aku tak bekerja dengan PETRONAS. Aku buka business sendiri.
Mak Long kahwin dengan Pak Long agak-agak dalam 3 4 tahun sudah. Yang aku ingat tarikh perkahwinan diorang sebab sama dengan birthday Asiah, 9 September. Pak Long ialah housemate Along waktu di Loughborough. Hmm..what a coincidence!!