Kepala aku bercelaru sekarang ni. Sebenarnya, quite frankly, aku rasa aku agak hilang fokus. Maybe the impact from last week issues occurred in my life. Somehow aku tiba-tiba teringin nak ada di tepi pantai sambil tengok matahari naik dari horizon. Paling bodoh pun aku terasa nak ada atas gunung sambil tengok matahari terbit..atau terbenam.

Banyak benda, banyak kerja yang aku anticipate dalam tempoh beberapa bulan, atau pun beberapa tahun akan datang. Tapi something strikes me. Apakah yang aku tengah kerjakan, atau pun akan kerjakan, dapat mak aku tengok hasilnya?

I read somewhere that someone has to follow his own vision of his life. Vision is something that keeps that man awake at night or can't wait for tomorrow to come. Maybe it's a calling. Maybe it's an epiphany.

I know for sure, manusia yang macam mana aku nak jadi. Aku tahu for sure, cara yang macam mana yang aku nak bila aku tinggalkan dunia ni. Cuma kadang-kadang aku terfikir, mampu ke aku buat?

I saw somebody wrote his status, "It's not what you say that people will see, but what you do that people will witness".

I hope people will be kind in judging me for what my actions are.

Bak Dah Meninggal

My grandfather, fondly know as Bak, has passed away last Friday at 9.30 am. Mummy at that time was prepped for her surgery to 'install' fistulae onto her arm to enable her to undergo her hemodialysis treatment. I was still at home, crunching some works on my PC when I received the news from my sister.

The first thing I asked my sister when I got the news, "Mummy tau tak pasal ni?" And she said, "No".

Along, me and my sister reached Kuala Krai by 5 pm that day itself. We stopped at Gua Musang for a short break and continued the journey all the way to the kampung. My parents and Angah followed suit later.

Papa informed us that mummy had to postpone her surgery due to her high blood pressure. Doctor didn't want to take the risk by having the surgery on that day. Worst still, the blood pressure was still high when the nurse checked for the second time. I wonder how her blood pressure would shoot up if she knew that her father has passed away just when she was thinking to visit him last week.

The rest is pretty much a history to be remember. One week fulls of drama. One week fulls of emotion.

I almost shed a tear remembering about my Bak. He was the only grandfather I have in my life since I have never met my grandfather from my father's side. I will always remember him for his generosity, his stubbornnes, his political jokes and his stand against America.

Don't really know where to start writing. Too much thoughts stuffed in this heavy head. It's 3.28 am and I'm still awake, listening to the Beatles' songs. Cranking my head of what to write in my own blog.

This week is a double whammy of bad news in my family. First, I got phone call from my high school buddy, who is a doctor in Hospital Kuala Krai, saying that my grandpa is zeroing to his death based on medical observation and evaluation. He explained to me carefully on what was the attending doctor reviewed about my grandpa. He also recommended me to come home to Kelantan, maybe to see my grandparent for the last time while he is still alive.

Then, my mom was admitted to emergency ward in HUKM on last Monday at the very early hour. My brother called me up at 4 am when I was upstairs - fixing figures and figuring out my plan for my agriculture project. He said that we needed to bring the mother to a clinic. I ran down to downstairs and I saw my mom was semi conscious. I could see her eyes opened and she tried to mutter something, but somehow I couldn't identify what she was trying to say. While holding my mom's hand, I asked her a few questions and looked for recognizable response. I didn't get the respond I was looking for.

The brother and my dad were still arguing whether to bring the mother to a clinic or to a hospital. I thought - this argument is a waste. They wanted to ask for my mother's opinion. It was so obvious that my mother could not communicate at that time. Even if she did, we all could not understand a word what she said. So I thought, let's do something for the best interest of her.

Really I didn't actually know what to do. All I know was inspired from the ER tv series. I knew at that time my mom wasn't fully conscious and I tried to check her pulse. It sounded very quick. So I didn't fathom what was going on. Semi conscious but heart beat ran fast. So yes, we collectively agreed we needed to bring her to the hospital. Then a question came hard upon us. How were we going to move her to the hospital? Mother is overweight and three of us could not even lift her without probably injured her.

I said, "That's why the hospital has ambulance!".

But brother was a bit hesitate to call. He wasn't sure of what to say and how to give instruction. I was half shouted, 'Use your common sense!". I still held my mother's hand gently. Mother seemed to have difficulty to breathe and she looked as if she were in excruciating pain. Finally the brother called up and we asked for ambulance to be despatched to our house.

It took almost 40 minutes for the ambulance to reach our house. Surprisingly, no medical officer was available on that ambulance. I was totally flabbergasted! How on earth can an ambulance move around without qualified doctor on board? Two personnel quickly came into the house and started to arrange their stretcher for the mother to be carried out safely out from the house.

My dad joined the mother in the ambulance. I decided to let my mother to be carried to HUKM since my mom has always gone there for her scheduled medical check ups. I followed the ambulance to the hospital by driving my car.

Doctor and her medical staffs quickly ran checks on my mother once she reached the emergency ward. The doctor confirmed with me that my mom was low on sugar in her blood which was dangerous for her. My mother is a diabetic patient and being in hypoglycemic situation is a huge sin for her. So she was given sugar drip. I saw wires here and there attached to my mother's body. I didn't feel anything except that I was still furious at how one medical staff forcefully pushed the sugar tubes to go down into my mother's vein through the catheter stucked at her hand.

Mother regained her consciousness and began to ask me few questions like, how did she get to the hospital or who brought her to the hospital etc. So those questions confirm my assumption that mother was semi conscious. She even didn't feel the pain when a medical assistant pricked her skin and inserted a catheter into her vein.

I didn't want to write the rest of the event. Enough I'd say, our emergency response 'plan' worked out very well and I took the lead. My mother is now in HUKM for further examination and warded in nefralogy ward. She's scheduled for hemodialysis. I know this process will be painful for her and would cause uneasiness to her body. But that is the price to pay when she didn't want to take care of her health especially her diet with sugary meals and drinks. I decided to take off from work and visited her at the ward as often as I could. I massaged her as much as I could so that I could ease her muscle cramps due to sitting for too long in the bed. Bought her newspapers for her to read. Along came all the way from Rawang to visit her too. He even discussed with the specialist on what to do next. I let him to decide because practically, he's the eldest and he should take lead on this matter. My father just let his children do what we suppose to do in this kind of event.

I am just praying that my mom can come out from the ward as soon as possible so that she can meet her father before he closed his eyes for one last time.

25 Random Things About Me

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. I was born on August 31st - Merdeka baby.
2. I can't sleep early at night, usually go to bed at 4 am or 5 am.
3. I love Star Trek series. I admire Captain Jean Luc Picard's character. And Spock, of course.
4. I flew to Australia in November 2007 just to get rejected by a girl I fancied.
5. I aspire to found a foundation which provides scholarship for talented & bright young people.
6. I believe in universal justice, across the border of creed, skin color and nationality.
7. I said I love you papa and hugged my dad for the first time in my life in 2007.
8. I actually wanted to be musician or maybe, an orchestra conductor. I played saxophone in high school and a percussionist in Penn State Wind Orchestra.
9. I cried a bit after I made my first phone call to my parents in M'sia when I checked in to my apartment at West Beaver Ave in August 1999.
10. I'm a sentimental person but a stoic as well.
11. I did eat pork (unintentionally) twice - a pepperoni pizza at Pollock Hall and a bacon sandwich in American Airlines
12. I'm dying to see Malaysians live with one another without prejudice and stereotypes about skin color. Sheesshh!!
13. I wish to bring my parents to visit State College one day.
14. I'm proud to have an engineer brother, a technician brother and a doctor-to-be sister.
15. Mak Long Kesuma is my benchmark for role model in academic excellence back in high school.
16. I'm a reformed hot tempered person.
17. I plan to be philanthropist millionaire beginning at 35.
18. Someone told me that I should be politician one day as career. I politely declined. I know why now I said no.
19. I wrote letters to Anwar Ibrahim when he was in prison and I actually got his reply too.
20. I picked up Chemical Engineering as my major because I wanted to prove to my brother that I can do better than him. My ego screwed me up badly 5 years later.
21. Cooking is my past time activity when I was in Penn State. I love trying different recipes.
22. I puked twice when I accompanied Peng Ai to climb a small mountain in Cheras. Okay, sangatlah tak fit aku nih.
23. Creameries ice cream and Ben & Jerry ice cream are so much better than Haagen Dasz.
24. I can easily recognize the faces of people, rather than remembering people's names.
25. I aspire to build the next Sime Darby.

Perak Is In Constitutional Crisis

In the recent development of political crisis in Perak, I for once, feel very sad of all the things occured in this state. I seriously feel betrayed by my own Sultan which I thought this institution can be the rakyat saviour, instead has become an instrument to deny the will of rakyat. The Sultan's institution should portray impartiality in dealing with such issue and absolute understanding of the rule of law.



No one is above the law, as so does the Constitution say. However, I truly understand that under certain provisions the Sultans are spared some special rights due to their positions. I honestly feel that HRH Sultan Azlan Shah must have understood these contentions due to his professional background. However, I am a firm believer that the Sultans must put the interest of the people first before their own interest as we all know that the Sultans are the head of the states. Hence, HRH Sultan Azlan Shah should and by right, oblige to the request made by the CM Dato Seri Mohammad Nizar to dissolve the DUN and subsequently to hold a snap election.

The issue of validity of the resignation letters does not warrant the Election Commission the right to stall its due process. By law, the EC must comply with the request of the Speaker of DUN because only through the Speaker of DUN, all the issue of validity of these damned letters must be resolved beforehand. Therefore through this event, we have seen that the EC, again and again, has seemed to act in favor of the ruling party. It is a clear violation of the objective of its establishment.

I have lost respect to the most admirable HRH Sultan Azlan Shah and to the royalties as a whole. They are nothing more than useless institution, sponsored and subsidized by the sweat of rakyat, only to act dumbly and stupid and cowardly.



I call upon my fellow rakyat out there to continue supporting Dato Seri Mohammad Nizar for his quest to serve the rakyat in Perak. I salute you Dato Seri for acting courageously in his capacity as Menteri Besar of Perak, Chief of Executive body of the state.

Aku dapat information daripada kawan aku yang katanya, dia ada potential investor yang ada RM 500,000 readily available for business purposes. Hmmm..memang menarik! Tadi pun masa aku duduk sembang-sembang dengan client, dia ada cadangkan juga supaya aku mengwar-warkan berita tentang projek pertanian aku ni pada client-client aku yang lain. Katanya, ramai yang berminat nak tanam modal dalam projek-projek begini dan mendapat pulangan hasil yang lebih konkrit. Itu katanya lah. Aku pun cuma angguk-angguk ajer.

Bagi aku, aku prefer amik loan daripada give up equity. AKu tak nak lose control over my own business establishment. Profit sharing pun okay for as long I can keep the control over my business to myself.

Sometimes, setiap perniagaan tu ada personal touch oleh penciptanya. Okay la, aku tak mencipta apa-apa pun kat sini. Cumanya aku menggerakkan perniagaan yang dah sekian lama tok nenek kita buat iaitu menanam dan memasarkannya. Tapi kali ini lebih sistematik dan record keeping yang lebih sempurna (bukan macam cara aku simpan resit dalam kereta aku!).

Nilai permulaan projek pertanian untuk 11 ekar ialah RM 130,000. Jadinya aku perlukan sebanyak tu untuk mulakan dan juga generate hasil dalam masa satu tahun. Aliran kewangannya dah pun aku buat dan Bad dah refine semula. Aku tahu aku boleh dapatkan pioneer status untuk syarikat ni daripada MIDA. Jadi kami boleh elakkan cukai untuk 5 tahun pertama.

Apa yang aku takutkan ialah kalau-kalau andaian aku salah pasal kos perbelanjaan ladang. Sebabnya harga baja boleh turun dan naik sesuka hati. TUrun bagus la, tapi kalau naik, mampos aku. Dah sah-sah messed up gile cashflow aku. Gaji aku turun takpe, aku tak kesah, janji business hidup.

Lagi satu kos untuk sewa tanah. Harap-harap kos sewa tanah maintain at least untuk the first 3 years lah. Or else, again, die laaa..

Ya Allah, bagi la aku kekuatan nak bagi semua ni menjadi. Ameen.

RM 1.6 million in the next 5 years in company's saving. Ameen 10X!