Straight From the Gut

I know nowadays it is not safe to write anything you want on the net. The government recently has announced that they will punish anyone who write nasty things about government without any proof. Well, I'd say, screw that! Why the government is so paranoid about this thing? Heck, I don't know! For all I know, my freedom of speech, to voice my concern over things which involves my welfare either directly or indirectly, is guaranteed in our nation's constitution.

Oh well, that's not what I want to write about.

All I want to write is about my wish for my birthday tomorrow. I only have one wish. One wish which I have kept since the year of 'Reformasi' has started.

All I want is a sincere leader to lead the nation. A leader who is charismatic and respected by the majority and who has integrity and honesty in delivering his/her promises. He/she who puts the people before him/her and he/she who believes that he/she is the servant of people. He/she serves for the country, people and God.

I don't want Pak Lah to lead the country. I don't even want to have Mahathir to lead the country. Certainly I don't think Anwar will be the next Prime Minister. All I want, is the combination of best characters we've seen in our country's political arena; boldness of Mahathir, reformation from Anwar and errr..nothing from Pak Lah.

Is it possible?

Biar Ku Menjadi Lilin



Biarku menjadi lilin
Memberikan cahaya
Terangi sekeliling dengan diri terbakar
Tak siapa yang sedar
Disaat kegelapan rela aku berkorban
Demi satu harapan

Biar masa berlari
Dan kau terus mendaki
Aku tenang disini dengan sabar menanti
Tanpa dendam dan benci
Andainya kau terjatuh terluka dan tersungkur
Kurawat biar sembuh

Aku tak kan bertanya
Apakah nanti balasannya
Setiap pengorbanan setiap pemberian
Demi satu ikatan

Keikhlasan dihati
Walaupun kau ragui
Pada suatu masa dan suatu ketika
Akan ketara jua

Biarku menjadi lilin
Memberikan cahaya
Saat kau kesepian saat kau kegelapan
Kurela menerangkan

Aku senang begini dapat terus berbakti
Dengan cara sendiri

One of my favourite movies is The Laws of Attraction. Yeah, another romantic comedy in my list. Anyway, this quote is taken from that movie.



"But I do care about you. And so I will give you a divorce, gladly. Because call me old fashion, but when you love someone, I believe you should be unselfish enough to give them whatever they want. I'll be around later to pick up my things."

It happened when Audrey (Julianne Moore) asked Daniel Rafferty (Pierce Brosnan) to divorce her on the ground of losing her trust in one divorce trial. Well, both are lawyers and unfortunately, they both are lawyers appointed by different clients in the same trial case. To add more misery to it, they both are living together, as husband and wife. Pretentiously, although they both know that they are actually in love with each other. Only ego is the wall in between them.

Yeah, relationship is very complex. At one second you can be very sure where it's heading to, the next second later, all you know both of you are going separate ways.

Nonetheless, as Daniel said, "when you love someone, I believe you should be unselfish enough to give them whatever they want." I'd do the same thing too, if the lady would ask the same kind of question to me.

Please Come Home

The sun will set soon
And the winter chill is sneaking in gently
I am wondering where you are gone
You left me in hurry
O Lord, shower me with your Mercy
As I am praying for her to come home
For me
Because I’m missing her so badly
Because I need her madly

*I think it's worth to mention that, whatever I posted above has nothing to do with my personal life. It is just an inspiration only.

Purpose of Working Hard

Early this week I was a bit busy with some dealings of my business. There are some proposals need to be written. There are some preparation needed to be done. And there are some thinking of strategically positioning our company in the business world. Yes, there are many many things I did early this week.



Some of them are meant for future. Some of them are meant for the present.

A few days ago we managed to secure a 6-figure project. Wowww..that was an amazing achievement for us. Although the letter of intent has not reached us yet, but the enthusiastic promise to review and accept our proposal is well taken. I was damn impressed of myself.

Then came this question to my mind via a friend. Why are we looking so hard to get money? Why are we working so hard to chase the wealth? For whom we are doing this?

The real answer is simple. I want to secure wealth for I want to do many good things in life. And I want to have many good things for myself too. I want to be provider for my family. I want to help unfortunate people and I want to be a giver for my community.

The most important purpose is that I'm doing this for my family; the present and the future.

Yep!!! (gulp)....future



Yes...for my future family. I don't know with whom shall I get married to but one thing for sure, only one name appears in my mind. It's just an idea. An illusion. But that idea has followed me into any business ideas I have in mind. It follows me in every business venture I join. And it is there with me whenever I close any business deals with my business partner. Yet, it is still a name. A name whom I utter almost every night before I sleep and a name which put a smile on my face. A name which brings joy into my heart and assures me that everything will be okay.

After all, I could have been dreaming only.

How Long Does It Take to Get Into A Relationship

Okay, I know it doesn't sound original. But, who gives a fuck about originality nowadays? Right?

Okay, I recently read a note on this thing. It's not a note, it is just a personal writing by somehone I barely know over the net. Anyway, she mentioned someting about the timing of going into relationship.

Pheww...going into relationship huh? Sounds big but simple. Yet, very much confusing. At least to my own personal understanding.

You can easily go into one without taking too much of your time. For example, you meet the girl, you see the girl and voila! Love at first sight. Konon-kononnya lah. You start dating each other right after that. I mean, after you overcome your paranoid and self-humiliating emotion and walked straight to that girl and ask for her phone number or email address or YM address (what the hell?) or possibly, her friendster address as well. Weeks after that both of you are in love. Again, I don't see it is wrong to be in love.

But what if after a few wonderful and beautiful weeks which go into a few months, the two of you go separate ways? Perplexing huh?

However, on another account, I've heard stories about two person who met only through photos and later got married only after three meetings. Woww..tell me about that!

Or..I know a few friends who stay with one girl only for more than 5 years together. Only then they feel ready to bring the relationship to higher plane.

So, when is the right time to embrace the relationship? I mean, intimate relationship? Is it too fast, or is it to slow....who determines that? Which side determines the pace? Like the wedding I attended yesterday, they both have been seriously in love only within a year or so. Before this they were just friends. And since yesterday, they are husband and wife.

All the questions asked here are essential to everybody. Unless if you don't give a damn about your own current emotional state, I'm pretty sure everyone is at least....there is a tiny miny feeling in your heart about who will come into your life as your significant other.

I heard there is a saying, "If you get her too fast, you will lose her even faster". Is it true? Does this saying hold true in reality? I know for sure, if one has to woo a girl for far too long, he will definitely feel tired and abandon his holy mission. Yet again, how long does he need to wait?

See...there are many many questins haunting every body when it comes to relationship. Sometimes people are afraid to get involved in relationship because they had bad experiences in past relationship. Sometimes there are people who just want to be in relationship but do not want commitment. And there is even kind of people who think going into relationship is just an act of socializing. After all, sociologists claim mankind is social animal.

So, what's your take? How do you determine?

For me..I'll do whatever it takes until I exhaust all the means to go through.

p/s: Still remember her dress in the first meeting and the date of the first meeting.

Trip to Batu Pahat - Kenduri Kahwin Amin & Ecah

Hari ni memang sangat memancitkan. Aku drive dari Ampang ke Batu Pahat for 3.5 hours. In the middle of the journey, stop by kejap kat R&R Seremban sebab aku kebulur tak breakfast lagik. Mahi, Hawa ngan Kerrie ada dalam kereta tu.



Sampai di Batu Pahat lebih kurang jam 1.00 petang. Tapi sesat nak cari dewan tempat majlis berlangsung tu ada ler dalam 30 minit. Rupanya si Ecah salah bagi direction dalam map kad jemputan tu. Patutnya dia letak keluar through exit mana kat highway PLUS tu. Hmmm..patut ler aku rasa cam jauh semacam ajer bila amik exit Pagoh.

Majlis berjalanan sederhana ajer. Aku ingat mula-mula tu, kenduri kahwin nya dah habis sebab lengang giler orang. Kereta pun tak banyak. Nampak orang dok susun-susun kerusi bawah khemah kat luar dewan. Ahhh sudah!!! Lewat ke kitorang ni? Tengok-tengok orang baru nak datang.

Nak tunggu pengantin masuk ke dalam dewan pun agak lama la jugak sebab mak andam dok bersolek pengantin perempuan lame bebenor. Kalah mekap artis! Bila masuk ke dalam dewan pun, keadaan agak caca marba. Aku dengan Mahi setuju majlis kenduri kahwin ni akan jadi lebih teratur kalau ada pengerusi majlis. Tak ada lah nampak pengantin perempuan jalan sorang-sorang sambil kena iring ngan mak andam.



Mat Ranjit telah menjalankan tugasnya sebagai pengapit pengantin lelaki dengan hebat sekal. Aku yakin makcik-makcik yang ala-ala mak datin yang duduk sebelah Mat Ranjit tu mesti teruja dengan dia. Could be the next menantu untuk diorang kot??! Mat Ranjit jugak dengan selambanya merasuah mak andam sebanyak RM50 untuk bagi pengantin lelaki duduk sebelah pengantin perempuan masa bersanding. Kalau tak, alamatnya pengantin lelaki duduk bawah pentas ajer la gamaknya!

Kitorang semua balik dengan mengangkut Mat Ranjit sekali ke KLIA. Aku memang stok terkejut beruk la kejap. Seb baik tak koma otak aku ni bila dok pikirkan, macam mana aku nak menyampaikan si Mahi ni ke Sungai Besi by maghrib and at the same time hantar Mat Ranjit ke KLIA before 8 pm. Masa tu jam dah 7 pm and kitorang baru ajer nak isi minyak di Seremban. Oleh kerana sayangnya si Mahi tu kat kawan dia Mat Ranjit, dia pun beralah and beramai-ramai kitorang menghantar Mat Ranjit aka Razzif hero hindustan ke LCCT. Aku pertama kali laa aih sampai ke terminal LCC tu. Agak menarik. Mengingatkan aku pada LCCT untuk Easy Jet di Luton, UK.



Aku sampai kat rumah dalam pukul 9 lebih. Penat giler. Tulang belakang aku rasa berlipat-lipat. Bahu pun rasa tegang dan keras cam bau pejal tepi highway. Overall, memang puas hati la dengan road trip ni. So, kalu ada sapa-sapa nak kahwin kat area Johor, insya Allah boleh panggil aku. Cukup korum 5 orang dalam kereta, kita jalan sajaaaaaaa!!

HUmmmpfff.....amik napas kejappp!!

Well, dah masuk dua hari dah aku start jogging. Hari isnin lepas sempat layan futsal dengan bebudak batch aku. Attendance paling ramai kot. Ke sebab aku datang? HAhahahaha..toksah perasan la weh!

Kenapa aku bersusah payah nak berjogging ni? Kadang-kadang aku terfikir jugak. Kenapa aku nak go through dengan rasa sakit sengal-sengal muscles peha dengan kaki aku? Sampai nak turun tangga pun kena turun pelan-pelan. Do I not feel comfortable with myself? Anehnya, aku sangatlah comfortable dengan keadaan aku sekarang ni.



Cuma aku rasa, it would be nice to do for the person we care. Sebab aku rasa, tak perlu aku berkata sayang untuk melahirkan rasa sayang dan kasih. Cukup untuk kita lakukan dengan perbuatan. Hilang rasa penat, hilang rasa sakit, hilang rasa sengal bila kita tahu sebenarnya kita buat ni untuk membuatkan orang yang kita care tu rasa seronok. Atau sekurang-kurangnya buat dia rasa yang pendapat dia dan nasihat dia punya nilai pada diri kita. Dan itu sebenarnya bawa kesan pada kita. Kesan yang positif.

Random Thought

Just now I viewed a video feed from a broadcasting company showing an interview with British MP. I must say I admire his courage to publicly support Hezbollah and Lebanese people in their struggle to defend their own motherland. I feel pity for not able to do anything for my brothers and sisters in Beirut, in Tyre and elsewhere in Lebanon. The late president, Rafique Hariri, has done a good job for building Lebanon from nothing to something.

What the MP claimed about Israel is true. It is true that the real terrorist state is Israel. Unfortunately, it plays media spin on us. The world population. Why? Mainly because their people control the Fourth Estate - the media. Yes, the media is the Fourth Estate. This is adapted from the ancient French political system.

Whoever controls the information, he controls the world. They put terrorist face on Hezbollah while actually the Israel invaded and illegally occupied this poor land. They use sorts of words and sentences to smear the image of Hezbollah. However, I personally agree with the British MP when he said that Hezbollah has won the war politically. Now, everybody knows who is Hezbollah.

Hezbollah, comes from the arabic word which means Young Generation of God, is protecting our brothers and sisters in Lebanon. What can we do to help them? Doesn't matter if they are Sunni or Shiite, they are still brothers and sisters in Islam.

I wish I could do something to help them.

Movies....lesson to learn

Lately I watched many movies. I watch all of them alone. I tell you, movies are not for merely entertainment. They also serve as teaching some moral values. Some of them are quite inspirational. Some of them are just purely stupid.

Two movies; The Break Up and Click. Really I think the first movie is quite plain. Noting much to be told except the same old cliche' - you do things not because you partner asks you to, you do things because you know your partner appreciates them. Small things often lead to big things. It's like a snowball. First it is a small round shape snow. When it goes down, it starts to sweep the snow in its way and balls up to be a huge gigantic ball. Ruining everything in its path. That's how small things can ruin a beautiful relationship.

You come late for the date, you don't call your partner once every two or three days, you forgot her birthday, or your anniversary date, or your partner's sister's birthday, you don't wear the tie which she bought as your birthday present last year etc.

Those things can ruin your life. I tell you. No! The movie tells you that! You know, women would cry if you dont remember their birthday date. (Oh man, I hate when they use their tears as silent weapon!) I give in easily when they start to use those crystal clear liquid coming out from their eyelid.

Sometimes it's not we ignore you when we do that. We just forget! Accidentally being forgetful. Absent minded kinda moment. We, men, dont usually retain those kinds of information for more than 5 seconds. Most of the time those things are written in our planner. And most of the time it is written on the page which we rarely open.

I would admit that men work extra hard during the courting season. Right after they achieved their objective, then it would be stored in achievement folder. Extra work will be channeled to appropriate areas. This is what I call, an efficient project management. Hey, don't get me wrong! That is how typical men would behave. Swear to God, I do not want to be typical guy. I try my best to write important dates in my brain cells. I would spontaneously recall those sweet moments when I see my girl (can't forget how she dressed herself on that day one I met her). What color of clothes did she wear. Or where was the place we stopped to have a drink before she left for somewhere.

The movie Click, starring Adam Sandler (he's the best!), tries to tell you how important men value the achievement in their life. Not because for themselves. It's for their loved ones. Surely I dont want my children and my wife to suffer due to my inability to provide them with neccesities. Therefore I must work hard. Put extra time, put extra work so daddy can earn more money to feed the kids. To buy Prada shoes for mommies and to put food on the table. But something happened along the way. Men tend to be ignorant of what their family need from them. Them become resclusive. They go after only power, money and status. I'm sure not all men are like that. Only some of them do act that way. These things have become an obsession to them. Addicted to these, men will be useless and worth only to a piece of shit.

I'm not perfect. I could be one of those assholes I mentioned earlier. But the thing is, please help me when I do act that way. Be my guide. When I start to show my lack of awareness about the person I love. When I start to forget things like when did we first meet or things like that. Deep down in my heart, I know I love them. I love my parents, my siblings, my partner and my friends. But I am not an angel. I do have flaws. Sometimes I use my knee instead of my brain. Or my ass.

Men need to be reminded constantly. I guess that is why God makes women to nag. It is their nature, possibly. We like to be told, not to be nagged. It takes one time only, at a time. Do not tell things 100 times in a time. That is a harrasment. But I guess the most subtle way to remind the men is by using those little cute yellow notes. It works for me though. Write short and sweet on that piece of note and post it on the computer screen. Or, on my laptop. Ah well, you ladies know better than me! Hehehehe..

Allrite, I need to stop now. I think I write too much but I don't give a hoot! One thing I can tell you now, I love all the people who exist in my life now. I appreciate them and I want to spend more time with them. Unfortunately, we all are entitled to 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Unlike the indonesian song which tells me a crap, '25 jam sehari....delapan hari seminggu'.

It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.
- Unbelievable, Craig David

Excerpt from Sleepless in Seattle,
Dennis Reed: "Annie, when you meet someone and you're attracted to them, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as chemistry is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match."

Aku berkata-kata dalam pelbagai gaya. Ada kalanya dalam bentuk karangan. Ada kalanya dalam bentuk cerita. Sekali sekala dalam puisi dan sajak berkala. Mungkin ada yang faham dan mungkin ada yang tak faham. Bagi yang faham, maksudnya hanya untuk kamu sahaja. Bagi yang tidak faham, mungkin memang karangan itu tidak ditujukan kepada kamu. Sungguh pun yang tertulis itu kasar bentuk dan bunyinya, dalamnya tersirat satu maksud halus. Jika dapat dibacai apakah itu, aku yakin dia dapat melihat sebagaimana aku melihat, dia dapat berfikir sebagaimana aku berfikir dan dia dapat merasai sebagaimana aku merasai.

Penghuni dunia itu penunggu sepi
Menanti hari yang abadi datang kembali
Kami datang kosong jiwa dan raga
Kami pulang nanti bawa dosa, bawa pahala
Jejak terletak tak pulak jelak
Jejak yang padam hanya dilupakan
Berdikit-dikit cari pedoman
Tersenggut-senggut cari perkataan
Buat bekalan di hari pengakhiran.