Kenapalah hari ni aku banyak dibuai kenangan ni? Sigh....

Suatu Masa

Aku baru saja bersarapan pagi. Seperti biasa, bersarapan seorangan - sesuatu yang jarang aku lakukan. Bukanlah bermaksud aku selalu bersarapan dengan teman-teman yang lain, cumanya aku memang jarang bersarapan. Tadi, tatkala aku mahu membasuh tangan, tiba-tiba kenangan lama datang mengusik jiwa.

Aku teringatkan kenangan pada seseorang. Tika itu aku dan dia menziarahi rumah makciknya yang aku tak ingat di mana dan kami sama-sama makan malam dengan keluarga makciknya. Kata dia, itu makcik kesayangannya. Dan setelah kami selesai makan malam aku membawa pinggan ke sinki, dia pun turut sama mengekori belakangku. Dia menawarkan diri untuk membasuh pinggan yang aku gunakan untuk makan malam tadi. Aku kata tak mengapa, aku boleh basuh pingganku sendiri. Tapi dia berkeras juga. Aku beralah. Sedang aku mahu membasuh tangan, dia berleter pada aku sebab aku tak gunakan sabun untuk membasuh tanganku hingga bersih. Jadi dia lumurkan sabun di tanganku dan menggosoknya lalu dicucinya dengan air paip hingga bersih. Kemudian, dia senyum padaku dan aku juga senyum padanya. Ikhlas dan redha.

Itu dulu. 5 tahun yang dulu. Kini dia sudah pun jadi isteri orang.

Itulah yang bermain di ingatan bilamana aku mencuci tanganku dengan sabun ketika meletakkan pinggan ke dalam sinki tadi. Hadirnya perasaan mahu kembali ke saat-saat itu, merasai perasaan itu dan tersenyum puas sebegitu.

Kenangan. Buat aku tersenyum sendiri di pagi hari Jumaat di ceruk pedalaman State College di negeri Pennsylvania. Beribu batu dari Malaysia dan dia.

Moga dia kekal bahagia dengan keluarganya hingga akhir hayat nanti.

Anybody Wanna Dance Along?

Guys..listen to the pop jazz music, Moondance by Michael Buble. Sing along...yeah!!

Well, it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush

Can I just have one a' more moondance with you, my love
Can I just make some more romance with a-you, my love

Well I wanna make love to you tonight
I can't wait till the morning has come
And I know now the time is just right
And straight into my arms you will run
And when you come my heart will be waiting
To make sure you're never alone
There and then all my dreams will come true, dear
There and then I will make you my own
And everytime I touch you, you just tremble inside
And I know how much you want me that you can't hide

Can I just have one a' more moondance with you, my love
Can I just make some more romance with a-you, my love

Well, it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush

One more moondance with you in the moonlight
Can't I just have one more dance with you my love

Only Me & My Kitchen



Lo and Behold! It's Farid and His Kingdom - the Kitchen. Yeah, that's about it. Kitchen is a place where I seek peace in mind. Therapeutic exercise for me to say the least. All my troubles seem to fade away when I am in the kitchen. But hey, it doesn't mean I don't have problem at all at the kitchen. I'll be so damn pissed if I see my kitchen in a mess. Especially when I am about to cook.

I dance while I am cooking. I sing along while I am cooking. I cuss a lot when I am cooking. Especially if things don't go my way. I do all these like nobody sees me. And please, nobody tells me what to do when I cook. I don't mind to help people cooking or cook for people. I like to cook for my friends and invite them to have lunch or dinner or breakfast with me. I hate eating by myself. I've been eating by myself for almost 3 or 4 years now. At dining commons.

Well, those only happen when I am in the States. How about when I am at home, at my parents' house in Ampang?

Hmmm... I never cook at my real home. It is not because I don't have the passion to cook while I am at home, it's just I never feel it right. You know what I mean? Ermm..probably not. Nevermind.

Mummy did complaint to me that I never want to cook at home. Of course I don't want to cook at home or else, why bother coming home if I can cook my own meal? I come home because I miss my mom's meal. Honestly. If I start to cook, it would be just the same as I am here. And besides, I am too busy meeting people here and there when I am at home. I rarely be at home. Meeting, appointment, program, usrah, concert band practice, jalan-jalan makan asap etc. Ask my dear friends Puan Aida and Puan Aini, they will agree with this.

Cooking allows you to pour some of your creativity into your food. Ermm..nay...I won't call it an art. Iron Chef would probably be mad at me. Nevermind, none of my business though. I call it a spontaneous act of saving your own meal from be tossed into the waste basket. Hehehehe...you'd do anything to make sure your meal is eatable. I do that. I innovate and I modify the cuisine according to my needs. Or according to whatever I have in my kitchen. If you do mistake, next time you will do much better at cooking the same meal. Then the third time will be perfect! Isn't that the way we live our life? We make mistakes, we learn our mistakes and we don't repeat our mistakes? Aren't we?

Anyhow, I've got to go now. I better cook my black pepper chicken. So, anybody wants to dine with me tonight?

Final Posting Before I Close My Eyes

This entry is derived from Judd's latest entry. It's about attention. Although he narrowed the topic on getting attention from family members ie. parents, but I'd like to expand it a bit more.

Attention is given to where it's due. However, what if the attention is not given where it is supposed to be given? Meaning that a child is not getting the right amount of attention from his family, a brother/sister doesn't get an attention from his/her siblings, a spouse is not getting any hint of attention from his half life and many more. What should one do about it?

My personal experience dealing with such situation is usually putting me in the losing end. Albeit in some circumstances, I do succeed in securing a moderate amount of attention, I still wish for more. More is good. Excess is even better. Feeling being in someone's eyes is definitely a rewarding sentiment.

Years ago when I was a small child, somewhat between 8 and 12 year old, I was always envy my eldest brother. It seemed to me at that time, he was getting all the attention he could get from my parents. Well, this didn't surprise me at all because he's the genius in the family. Ever since then I developed such a habit to compete with him in any way I can except of getting slimmer...hehehee..it's another story altogether. I was depressed. There were times when I thought I should leave the house and never came home. But I didn't do that. Thank God!

I moved out from my family's home when I was 13 and up until now. I only come home occasionally. I realized many things had changed. Most of them are good especially in term of parents-children relationship. I am beginning to feel that my parents do pour their attention on me unlike to what I felt years ago. Mummy begins to tell me about everything is going on in the family. Papa starts to talk more to me. Maybe because I am the only one who still has time to listen to their talkings - Along is working and he's one workaholic guy, plus he doesn't live with the family anymore & Angah is busy working out station and going out with his fiancee on a weekend basis. So who else for them to talk to if not me?

Then talk about my relationship with mama. This is one complex relationship. I treat her just like I treat my mummy but with an extra pinch of attention. I shake hands and kiss her hands everytime I come to visit her at home or even at school. I say "I love you, mama" or "I miss you, mama" in each email I sent her. Unfortunately, I doubt if she feels the same way too towards me. As I said in my previous entry about her, I doubt to say if I am included in her big picture. Nevertheless, it never stop me from saying those sweet words to her. Every word from her is sacred to me, just like words from my parents.

And yeah, the only place where I can get 110% of attention is from Kak Anim. She is my darling sister. A special person whom I refer to everytime I have major heartbreak. A very kind sister she is, never fail to sooth my heart every time I hear her voice over the telephone. Oh yes, everytime I talk to her, I've never failed to tell her how much I miss her and love her. And she will reply the same too to me, "Akak pun rindu Ayed juga...sayang juga adik akak ni!".

How about attention from friends? For this, I don't have the gut to say yes because it varies from one person to another. Do I give enough attention to them? To some extent, yes. But on a few cases, I fail to deliver. Somehow I feel there are some friends who only serve as functional friends - friends with some function which needs to be fulfilled. Of course they are also friends whom you can rely to on every occasion but they are very rare to find. And somehow, such relationship can also fade over time due to some unwarranted circumstances.

We usually stick to people who give their attention to us because we feel loved. Because we feel special around them. And perhaps because we also feel like we are wanted by them. Nobody wants to feel useless around people. Nobody wants to feel unloved by anyone. Even a modicum of attention can shed some light on sour puss face, what more if an excess of attention is given to one? It will spoil him. It's like putting too much of salt in a cooking - it turn the best meal into salty pickles.

But how do we know we get enough attention from everyone? For that, I don't have the answer. I'd say, you try your best to give attention where it's due and in return, people will do the same to you. If they don't, it's not your loss. It is theirs.

A Roadtrip to Remember



One roadtrip to North Carolina. Yup, that one. Why? I seriously don't know. Maybe because I shared the quality time with Leman. He drove 6 hours from Ann Arbor, Michigan to pick me in State College, Pennsylvania and then continue driving down to south for another 12 hours. Oh well, he didn't straightly drive after that because I took over the driving shift. While we were on US 220/I-99 route, we saw many dead deers on the road. Yeah, it was around that time - hunting season in Pennsylvania.

We discussed many things during our roadtrip. One of the topics was the incident where two Indiana students wanting to get married but MSD interfered. Both of us strongly believed that MSD committed a mistake in intervening this situation. We also talked about life in US and life in M'sia and how we were trying so hard to get cope with it. Leman also mentioned to me that he missed his siblings very much. He also missed his parents. He even flew to UK just to meet with his mother there.

Lokman Mohd Noh, a nice gentleman hail from Sabah who actually was born in Kajang, has never been an easy person to understand. Maybe he didn't open his mouth quite often, unlike me. But the time we spent together in the car while driving to Charlotte was a worthwhile. Lokman or fondly nicknamed as Leman, is a son to Vice TNC in University Malaysia Sabah. Very intelligent and smart guy also. He studied so hard when he was in University of Michigan up until he was forced to see the councillor because he showed some early symptoms of stress. And now he is a proud manager of PETRONAS Dagangan district office in Sandakan. Worth his effort though!

Leman is a poet in heart. I know this. He wrote good poems and pantun as well. He was in his school pantun squad and represented Sabah in Pertandingan Pantun Sekolah-sekolah at national level. His last email before he departed to the United States was very beautiful. The email subject is "Salam Wida'" means, Ucapan Selamat Perpisahan. He mentioned everybody's name in our batch and what he thought about each and everyone of us. Such a bravado act to write such comment but I think it's very sincere comment.

This guy is also a mountain climber. He climbs Mount Kinabalu as if that mountain is a small hill. He likes to camping also. Very close to nature, he is one ardent nature lover.

I hope I will meet him again one day and once again continue our long awaited chit chat.

Response to Jalie's Wedding Invitation

siut.. cam main kawen² nihhh!! cayalahh jalie, the bronze...respek sama lu aaa weh. p/s: bachelor party? - Al Amin Hassan aka Amonque

jalie, tahniah utk perkahwinan ko. sorry tak dapat datang, still stucked kat us. anyhow, moga-moga perkahwinan ko ni kekal bahagia sampai akhir hayat, moga moga perkahwinan ko diberkati Allah selalu, ameen! - Farid

Congrates Jalie. Kenangan sebilik masa form 4 dengan kau masih segar di ingatanku hahaha..- Shaharurrizal aka Al

Alhamdulillah.. aku pun turut meng'amin'kan doa farid.. tahniah jalie..- Ezwan Hamdi aka Jibb

Tahniah Jalie...semoga selamat semuanyer...- Shahly Azli aka Balonkt

okehs.... sape nak join aku gi rumah pengantin perempuan..?? aku ngan labu nak gi..nanti rumah jali kita gi lagi... makan free beb...amacam?? - Shahrul Azril Niza aka Ucop

tahniah...tahniah...tahniah...insyaallah aku gi..bwk perut je leh ke? - Syahradzi aka Girang



akum..nie iben nie..tahniah skali lagi dari pihak aku..hopefully kekal bahagia shingga ke akhir hayat..kalau tak ada aral melintang aku akan datang umah ko...amacam yang lain...hopefully yg lain akan dtg memriahkan laie majlis tu nanti..oklah jumpa di hari persandingan mu.. - Aslahuddin aka Iben (orang no 2 kawen dalam batch aku)

weh... jomla konvoi g rmh jalie..kalu nk gi rmh pengantin pompuan ok gak..free je...heheheh.. bagi suggestion beb...to jalie, congrats..1st beb dari rumah dato'onn..mati2 aku bet mama kawin dulu..heheehh... - Rosyidi aka Syidee

wei...tahniah jaliebel, semuga berkekalan.aku pegi umah pengantin pompuan insyaallah....sesape yang kosong leh aku tumpang, ok guys...- Hafid Khodri aka Pikod

A Slang For Me

There are few times I say to myself, "how much I want to speak this slang or that slang". It's not because of the eliteness of the slang, it is because it excites me. Language is an unique form of communication which expands every minute and second. Language also can forge many understanding between many cultures and also it can create wars between many cultures.

Therefore, I am feeling the urge to master few languages albeit to me, it is such an impossible dream. I once took an Arabic lesson back in high school but I failed that class miserably. Oh well, I piled the blame on its ustaz, not myself, for not teaching us properly. Besides, he was busy catching students playing truancy in school or 'fly' at night (oh yeah, talking about defence mechanism here).

My visit to UK in winter of 2002 was somewhat revealing to me as a sudden euphoric feeling rushed into my heart when I heard people talking to each other in British accent. Even more when I visited Scotland and tried to ask for a simple instruction from a lady at cashier register, the Scottish accent simply facinates me. It reminds me to Sean Connery's accent - very noble, very professionally sound and very sexy. And perhaps sturdy.

Unlike the American accent which I have right now with me, I dont think many people would appreciate that. As far as I concern, most young people think having an American accent will put you in style, or rather in exclusive position to bargain for something. Unfortunately, that is not the case with me. Especially after the September 11 catastrophic event. Americans are terrified in every way they can. I noticed the lads in Baloch realized that I wasnt from around there due to my slang. They quickly labeled me as Yankee, coming off from streets of New York city. Oh dear, although they sounded really nice when they greeted and talked to me, I still could sense a cynical tone in their voice. Talking about American culture resentment here.

By the way, through many years I've been staying in the States and once a while I will get my ass off from here to M'sia, I am beginning to see a culture of American accent worshipping. Or has it been there for more than I know? I don't exactly know. But in KL, if you are conversing in American jives, there's a whole lot of people will look up to you as in you're one special sapien, especially among teenagers. And I bet it's one way to impress the hotties out there too. Quite irony is it when one tries to emulate the American slang but he or she doesn't want to copy the good habit of americans - volunteerism, reading habit, courtesy and what not. I am not hailing them as saints but at least, admit it, they are somewhat better than us in some good positive ways. Unfortunately we are too busy looking for the negatives. Alas, this is not the time to have some prejudice and stereotypes in my mind.

Anyway, all I want to say is, I wish to master the British accent and if it is possible, I also would like to nail the Scottish accent. Then I can easily say, "I am Bond, James Bond" with no guilt at all..hehehehe. The American accent insofar, hasn't much rewarded me. Instead, it invites some virulent responses from people around me thinking that I am one snobbish and stuck-up guy. Oh boy, that's the last thing I want to get from people.

So, I guess I need to brush up my Queen's english more than my cowboy's slang, right? (what a lousy ending is this??!!)

Inquiry of a Troubled Mind

Nak tanya sikit, boleh ke wanita solat bersama-sama lelaki dalam satu ruang yang sama? Maksud aku, kalau di masjid tu kan, boleh ke lelaki dan perempuan solat tanpa ada hijab yang memisahkan? Jika ada dalil naqli dari Quran, please bagitau nama surah dan ayatnya serta terjemahannya. Sekiranya ada nas hadith dan sunnah Nabi, please state the resources samada dari Saheeh Bukhari, Muslim, Ibnu Majah, Abu Dawood atau yang setara dengannya.

Sebabnya aku baru terbaca berita di BBC News pasal this one lady from Morgantown, West Virginia (tempat Abg Mokhtar MISG) kena sisih dari masjidnya sebab cuba solat sama-sama dengan jemaah lelaki pada saf yang sama.

For more details, read this here US Muslim woman defies hardliners

If Only Those Sweet Years Come Back Again...



Jargon Regularly Used in Alam Shah
toron - tooott tooott toooott (censored)
sigop - smoking
fly - sneaking out from school illegaly
kumpul bilik - assembly of room members
enjut steng - squat position
jambu - cute juniors
commando - crawling under everyone's bed
star-light - full slap on the face
helicopter - put one finger on floor and start circling around the focus point
kantoi - caught red handed
mat kebul - extremely hungry person running incessantly to the dining commons
wardeniah - a female warden
beduk - hit student in group

Wardens Nickname
Arope - Tuan Haji Abdul Raof (school principal 1989 - 1993)
MatJon - Tuan Haji Mohd Zon (school principal 1993 - 1996)
MatJin - Tuan Haji Mohd Zin (vice principal)
Papa - Tuan Haji Idris (vice principal)
Olie - Encik Rosli (vice principal)
Girang - Ustaz Khairudin Awang
Foy - Cikgu Mohd Noh
Burger - Cikgu Ramli
Kimpit - Cikgu Lim
PakChat - Cikgu Arshad
Zerek - Cikgu Zainal Rashid
Mat Blank - Cikgu Mohd Nor

Somebody is getting married!!!



Alhamdulillah panjatkan syukur pada Dia, Al Khaliq sebab dengan kudrat dan iradatNya, kawan aku Razaleigh Mohd Amin akan dijodohkan dengan gadis pilihan dia. Mamat Mambau ni dah lama aku kenal, sejak aku Form 1 di Alam Shah. Kami sama-sama sekelas dalam kelas 1 Cita. Budak rumah Dato Onn. Orangnya ada Chinese look, now dah ada misai jadi tambah lagi hensemnya. Nanti kawen pulak, siap bertanjak dan berkeris, silap haribulan pistol koboi pun mungkin ada tersisip kat pinggang.

So kenkawan Alam Shah yang lain, jemput datang ke majlis kenduri kawen Jalie on Sunday, August 15th kat rumah dia, 141, Kampung Batu 3, Mambau.

Nampaknya nama Jalie akan jadi orang nombor tiga dalam batch aku selamat dikawenkan. Moga bahagia kekal hingga ke akhir hayat, moga ikatan yang dibina dirahmati dan diberkati tuhan selalu. Ameen.

Random Thoughts



I.
Aku tak tahu apesal aku rasa tension jek bila tengok lelaki pakai baju sleeveless. Hahahahaha...memang aku anti sket since aku sekolah menengah kot. Aku ingat lagi everytime aku study sesame ngan si FizZah* (Hafiz Zahri) after prep malam kat bilik dia and tengokkan dia pakai singlet kuning kaler rumah Hishamuddin tu..aku serius shit berbulu jekkk tengok. Yang aku paling tak tahan tengok mamat tuh..errr..ade ler buat menda tak senonoh kan..hahahaha..tapi serius shit masyukk jek mamat tu buat cenggitu. Siot betul!!! Sampai sekarang kalau aku ingat balik, nak gelak ade, rasa tension pun ade...

Tapi serius shit tak tahan tension aku kalau tengok lelaki pakai baju body hugging lepas tu sleeveless pulak..adeyyyy....mahu aku lari jauh-jauh sehhh...

II.
Habis ramai orang aku call hari ni just nak tanya resipi ayam masak merah bermadu. Bukan aku tak tahu, aku tahu camner nak buat ayam masak merah. Semuanya by heart ajer tapi entah, aku rasa cam nak bercakap dengan semua orang and tanya pendapat memasing.

Gamaknya aku teringin sangat kot nak dengar suara semua orang. Orang-orang yang aku call tanya pasal menda alah ni; Mummy, Mama, Mak Long Kesuma, Aini.

Oh..yang call Aini tu, alasan aje tuuu..sebenarnya nak tahu khabar Auni Syifa, baby pompuan dia. Muahahahahah...tanya kabar mak dia, lasttttt sekali. Yang penting, baby dia dulu! Jangan marah ekkk Kak Long..

III.
Seronok tadi menyanyi nyanyi sengsorang lepas subuh untuk masak nasi lemak. Menari-nari aih aku kat tengah dapur sambil pegang pisau potong ayam tadi. Suka benar laaa aku dok melayan lagu dengan iPod aku. Si Ayam* (Nizam Nadzimuddin) suruh pulak aku masak nasik lemak kat M'sia. Katanya, dia suruh aku apply kerja dengan PETRONAS Carigali kat Miri. Join dia ngan Budi kat sana. Hmmm..tu sah sah ler nak membabukan aku kat dapur tuh.

Anyway..hurmmm..Carigali ek? Ada ke bebudak Chemical Engineer kat Carigali tu? Tapi cam menarik gak Miri tu kan, tak pernah lagik aku sampai S'wak. Itu satu option juga tapi aku sebenar prefer lagi kalau dapat kat T'ganu ke..sebab dekat dengan Chot. But kalau di Miri, ade Budi ngan Ayam, dekat la jugak dengan Leman & Izham kat Sabah. We'll see in Disember nanti. Kat mana aku kena campak, wallahu'alam.

*geng Alam Shah

Selongkar Internet

Terjumpa gambar aku waktu third year, jadi Resident Assistant di Snyder Hall. Masa tu agak innocent jugak la aku. Agak ajer..bukan real pun. Tu gambar tahun 2002. Now macam mana ek? Lagi hensem ke..lagik bughok?

Hujan Pun Turun Lagi...



Hujan yang turun bagaikan mutiara
Berkilau bersinar berkerdipan
Subur menghijau bumi terbentang
Dan bayu berpuput lembut

Cinta yang bersemi
Diwaktu hujan turun
Menyirami ketandusan hati
Dan hujan turut mengiringi
Engkau pergi...

Selembut hujan bercurahan
Begitulah cinta ini
Semesra bumi yang disirami
Begitulah hati ini

Hujan yang turun bersama air mata
Bersama pedih, bersama rindu
Kau datang dan kau pergi jua
Rindu lagi...

Tetiba Teringat Pulak

Waktu dulu-dulu aku sangat perahsia dengan family aku. Aku rasa aku develop this habit sejak aku masuk asrama. Waktu masuk di asrama dulu, kita dikelilingi oleh kawan-kawan. Kalau ada apa-apa pun, just share dengan kawan-kawan. Kalau sakit demam pun, kawan-kawan yang tolong tengokkan. Tolong ambikkan makanan kat dewan makan or paling kurang pun, tolong panggilkan akak ape ntah namanya kat bilik sakit tu. Or kalau ada problem bercinta ke, share dengan kenkawan. Yang peliknya kita tanya kat kawan lelaki pasal perempuan, padahal of course la lelaki takkan paham perempuan ni macam mana and perempuan takkan paham lelaki ni macam mana. Sama juga dengan masalah-masalah yang lain.

Kalau dulu kena pukul dengan seniors..kena ragging merangkak bawah katil or famous term dia, "go commando" sampai pecah jam tangan aku, still diam tak kata apa. Kena enjut steng sampai kejang kejang kaki dibuatnya, mulut ni berat benar nak bagitau mak ayah. Lepas tu makan maki hamun senior kira dah biasa la tu, macam makan nasi jugak laa...ari ari dapat.

Bila masuk PPP, things slowly changed. Aku dah pandai dah borak dengan mak ayah aku. Tak macam waktu kat sekolah dulu. Balik rumah, jadi orang bisu. Keluar dari rumah, jadi orang gila..mulut tak berhenti bercakap.

Tapi di PPP sana, aku still berahsia. Tak bercerita pasal diri sendiri kat mak ayah aku. Aku rajin bercerita pasal Acap, roommate aku, kat mak ayah aku. Oh Acap ada makwe kat sini. Oh mak ayah Acap nak gi China untuk melancong. Oh parents Acap ajak datang ke rumah. So, mak ayah aku lagi kenal Acap daripada aku sendiri. In fact, sampai ke hari ni mak ayah aku still tanya khabar Acap, dah dapat anak ke belum dia, dah kerja di mana sekarang dia ni..begitulah.

Entah tak tahu, aku memang takut sikit nak share rahsia dengan mak ayah. Sampai la recently..well, not so recently la..but it was last year. I started to open up with my parents. Itu pun lepas puas kena basuh ngan si Syawal. Syawal was my roommate and my housemate when I was in PPP, UiTM. So, I stepped up to the challenge.

First time open up to my parents, rasa cuak toksah kata. Kebetulan masa tu memang aku dalam deep shit la. Hari-hari dok kena makan shit. Trauma pun ada. So, mak ayah ajer yang dapat buatkan hati kita tenang. Balik M'sia last year, dalam kereta baru turun dari kapal terbang tu, kena sembur lagi dengan ayah aku. Waduhhhh..berdesing juga telinga ni. Ikut hati aku, nyesal gak pi cakap. Rasa cam nak suruh ajer ayah aku stop kan aku kat tepi highway ni and aku hitchhike sapa-sapa balik ke rumah or terus balik kampung di Tanjung Karang ke, or di Kuala Krai ke. Kurang sikit kena leternya. Tapi lepas tu ayah aku dah okay, dia pun tak ungkit balik dah citer tu.

And now, aku pun dah okay gak citer kat ayah aku kalau aku ada apa apa problem. Problem yang level personal sangat tu, pasal bab cintan cintun ni, takde la pulak teringin nak habaq pi kat mak ayah aku. Nanti ayah aku gelakkan pulak, "Haa...pening sendiri la tu?". Itu ler soalan dia kat aku. Tang tu aku malas nak teruskan apa yang aku nak cakap.

Aku rasa orang yang paling banyak aku share problem aku ialah kenkawan aku. Kenkawan yang rapat rapat. Kenkawan yang aku rindu rindukan selalu.

I guess not everything we can tell and share with other people, especially with our parents.

Perjumpaan yang Cemerlang, Gemilang dan Terbilang

We arrived at the Embassy at about 1.30 pm after we checked in at Hilton Hotel @ Washington. Albeit we arrived a bit later than what we had expected but we managed to sneak into the embassy without no fuss. I was tired and a bit exhausted if I may say, but I didn't want to rush things off.

As I walked into the room, the Director of Malaysian Student Dept for East Coast region, Dr. Z, greeted me. Later Uncle Zamzanin stopped by and we had a good chat. By the way, he is the Political Advisor for the Ambassador. Quite a heavy responsible for a small stature man like himself, I suppose. However, this will not be long because he will end his tenure next month and he is heading home pretty soon. From the rumors I heard, he will be appointed as Timbalan Ketua Setiausaha at Wisma Putra once he comes home.



The meeting with the Premier only starts at 4 pm. He was late because the meeting of him with Mr. President was somewhat extended from a scheduled 30 minutes to 45 minutes meeting. When PM Abdullah Badawi walked in, everybody stood up as we were briefed earlier by the Director of MSD. Ah well, talking about being polite and in protocal! Accompanying him were Foreign Minister, Dato Seri Syed Hamid Albar and the Ambassador, Dato Ghazzali Sheikh Khalid to the stage.

Syed Hamid Albar was invited to initiate the program by delivering his introduction speech and later, invited PM Abdullah Badawi to deliver his address. I was there, sitting next to Rais, a Cornell University student on the second line from the front, listening to every bit of his word. I wasn't actually admire him as the premiere, but I was there simply to see and if possible, to observe him.



As usual he in his casual way, adressed himself as Pak Lah in front of 185 Malaysian students from all backgrounds and races, invited us to join him in pursuing his "Cemerlang, Gemilang & Terbilang" agenda. He commented his previous meeting with Mr. President as successful and he enjoyed very much for the US's hospitality. He couldn't talk much due to his hectic schedule but again and again, he kept stressing on achieving the very best for our country. His final plead in that afteroon was, "please come back to your home country and help up build the country!". Some of us smiled, some of us were quite irked and some of us remained reserved. After he wrapped up his speech, we all went out for high tea and all of us took the opportunity to shake hand with the PM.



There were few familiar faces I saw in the great hall. One of them is Shazlan aka Gonjeng. We were classmates back in PPP for Calculus II course. I tell you what, he's one hell of a student! Previously sponsored by JPA and now he is doing his Master, fully sponsored by Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University down in Florida. A genius in making I must say.

And then I took the opportunity to meet with Consulate General in New York City, Uncle Shahizan and Ambassador, Dato Ghazzali Sheikh Khalid - exchanging greetings and engaged in short conversations. I pretty understood everybody was busy at that time tending the PM. The security was extremely tight with presence of Secret Service provided by the White House and PM's bodyguards. A lot of other students did not let a chance to snap a photo with Pak Lah but me in contrast, refused to take picture with him. IMHO, I will only take a picture with him after he 'walks the talk'. The duration of which he holds the premiership is still too early to appraise him as one of the successful prime ministers. Therefore, I keep my Kodak for another time for him.



The meeting was officially ended at 5.30 pm but students together with the staffs were still there - busy 'tapauing' the foods and if possible, to rob those silver plates as well. Me on the other hand, busy meeting up with friends of old time and making new friends as well. Meeting Lani from Ohio State University, Uncle from Morgantown, West Virginia and a few others. To me this is the time to make network and if possible, to get to know some of the potential students. Who knows, later in our life, we will cross path again on another stage, right?

For more photos, feel free to look up at my fotopages.

Sepetang di Kedutaan Malaysia

Something In My Mind



This morning when I was about to dress myself, something struck my mind. Wouldn't be much better..or would it feel much better if someone pull the tie for me, instead of my doing this by myself. Hahahaha..I guess this feeling is caused by the movie I watched last night, Pretty Woman. Somehow I feel envy with Richard Gere and Julia Robert.

I bet the feeling would be almost close if not greater than what I felt when Ida buttoned my baju melayu just before the Silat Gayong dinner in PPP nearly 5 years ago. She not only buttoned my baju melayu but she also ironed it. I must be thankful to her, otherwise my attire that night would be a disaster.

Anyhow, yeah..that's what I am thinking right now. Who will be that perfect lady, tying the tie for me every morning? Hahaha..probably not every morning though because I know how to do it. It's just, couldn't help it laaa...mau mengada-ngada!

Would you tie the necktime for me, honey?

Buang Tebiat....di hujung minggu



giler giler..sewel sewel..weng weng...aku bosan nak mampos time weekend tak tahu nak buat apa.

Muahahaha...See You di IPT?

Santun pekertimu
Dan lembut tutur katamu
Menarik minatku
Untukku mendekatimu

Sepucuk surat ku tulis
Menyatakan harapan
Walaupun ku kebimbangan
Kau berbeza pandangan
Namun ku tetap menanti jawapan

Alangkah riangnya di hatiku
Luahan hasratku mendapat perhatian
Ku terima balasan darimu
Kau jua menyimpan perasaan

Warkahmu memberi kepastian
Hanya kejayaan menentu pertemuan
Setiap kali di akhir katamu
Kau selalu tulis See You di IPT

Guru selalu mengingatkan
Kita dilarang berkasihan
Ketika masih di alam persekolahan
Bangkit semangat keazaman
Memburu cita dan impian
Biar terpaksa rahsiakan hubungan

Dengan segala kesungguhan
Ku timba ilmu pelajaran
Tinggal warkahmu menjadi kenangan

Betapa syukurnya di hatiku
Segala impian menjadi kenyataan
Terpancarlah cahaya gemilang
Kini kejayaan di genggaman

Andai kau kembali ku temui
Akan ku menuntut kata-kata dan janji
Kerna diriku masih mengingati
Kau selalu tulis See You di IPT...

Jumpa lirik nasyid ni kat blog si Taufiq CWRU. Hahahaha..ana dah kantoi anta punya blog..kui kui kui..ada jugak ek blog dia.

Anyway, betul gak kate mamat tu kat blog dia, ni lagu cap ape ni? Nasyid ke? Ronggeng Mak Limah ke? Stok pop balada ke? Entah..sekarang ni line between nasyid and pop songs is very vague. Ada yang claim nasyid tak include gitar and gesekan biola..ada pulak claim nasyid tapi nadanya lebih kepada hip hop. Agaknya, inilah dia avant garde nasyid. Atau pun mungkin progressive nasyid. Hehehehe...bila aku tanya-tanya balik kat kenkawan Arab, diorang kata nasyid ni maksudnya kumpulan lelaki yang sampaikan lagu-lagu semangat. Something macam tu lah.

Semangat nya la sangat dengar lagu-lagu 'nasyid' cenggini. Impian Kasih laa..Kasih Kekasih la..ape lagik ek, Ainul Mardhiah la..Nur Kasih laa...Sutera Kasih laa..hahahaha..lawak gak aku bila dok renung-renung senikata 'nasyid' ni. Rasanya cam takde beza jek ngan lagu-lagu kumpulan band yang lain, except selit banyak sket la perkataan tuhan tuh.

Tapi aku still suka lagu nasyid-nasyid lama macam kumpulan the Zikr, Nada Murni, Mirwana..tu semuanya old school la. Zaman-zaman Arqam, kecuali Mirwana sebab itu nasyid sekolah Maahad. Still ada sampai ke hari ini. Kumpulan Raihan tu, asalnya daripada The Zikr and Nada Murni la. Cam sangat aku suara penyanyi utama dia. Muzik dia pun tak lebih dari kompang, genderang and gendang. Sempoi, tapi masyuk giler. Semangat giler dengar..takde la leleh leleh bab kasih kasih ni. Strictly tuhan ajer.

Kasih-kasih ler buat kita leleh cepat ye dak? Muahahaha..sapa tak leleh konon macho la tu? Dalam hati sapa yang tahu..:P

Selit Sikit...



Gambar ni di ambil masa aku berada di Laurel Hill State Park, Somerset. Waktu tu kami sedang ber'hiking' di kawasan hutan di situ. Hutan di Amerika ni tak tebal macam hutan di M'sia. Hutan khatulistiwa memang sangat tebal berbanding hutan di sini. Dulu-dulu waktu Form 3 ada belajar punca kenapa hutan tu jadi begitu. Tapi disebabkan malas sangat untuk belajar geografi, belajar pun just nak puaskan hati Cikgu Masni ajer..gini lah jadiknyer.

Anyway, berbalik pada gambar di atas. Kami selisih dengan kawasan tadahan air di situ and kalau tak silap, community di situ bina empangan kecil. Memang cantik dan hensem, sehensem orang yang tengah meniti tebing empangan tu.



Yang ni pulak gambar ramai-ramai atas tebing empangan. Makcik sorang lagi tu nak bergambar ngan kitorang, tapi kitorang tak bagi...sebab nanti rosak gambar pulak. Tak pun, nanti dijadikan bahan bukti kata kami cuba nak sexually harrased makcik tu. Tak aci la kan?

Ape-ape hal pun, lepas tu kitorang teruskan kembara hutan. Bila balik ajer..group aku dah tahu yang group kitorang menang first sekali. Muahahaha, sebab apa? Sebab group hiking Akhie Adnan main tipuuuuuuuuuuuuu!! Amik shortcut!

I remember every conversation I have...

Yeah..I do. I do remember every conversation I have with my mama. To me, she's my other world after my parents and family. She is the person I go to when I need advice on something serious. Doesn't matter what serious matter it is. She knows it.

Aku : Mama, hari tu Ayed mimpi mama.
Mama : Really, mimpi apa?
Aku : Ayed mimpi mama botak...hahahahaha..
Mama : Haa..botak kenapa? Ishhh..ni mimpi siang ke mimpi malam?
Aku : Mimpi lepas subuh.

Last night before I went to sleep, I called her. She was on the way to drive home. We talked a lot, mainly about her family. About how Abang is coping with his preparation for SPM, Kakak and her madness of AF2 and how baba too is drooling over AF2 show. And yes, about mama's intention to leave the school. I told mama, "Mama..you've been telling me this since 5 years ago. Even since I was in Form 4, and yet you're still in that school!". Mama just laughed.



I dare to tell her all the stuffs which I dont dare to tell my own mother. In fact, I even told her about my intention to join politic actively when I am done with school. And to my surprise, she remembers it. Especially when I joked about getting into Pemuda UMNO and plan to manipulate the position as UMNO member to extort people's money. Of course, cynically. Mama freaked out and started to lecture me about being honest as a politician, serving only for the purpose of bettering the society as a whole. Talking about all the virtues of which the politicians must have - which of course nowadays it's rarely seen in our society. Oh wow..imagine mama starts talking her philosophy in politic.

Aku : Mama, do you mind if I join politic?
Mama : I dont care what my children want to be for as long it's good and that's what they want to do.

I remember every time I write her an email, I never forget to mention, "I love you mama" or "I miss you mama". I wonder how she responds to such phrase. Unfortunately, such words are always failed to be delivered during our conversation. I will busy talking to her, telling her all my stories and trying very hard to tease her back. Why? Because she teases me a lot. Oh yeah, she's one bad ass teaser. Cynical too.

When I was in school, she taught me how to talk to people. How to confront people. How to treat the ladies. And many more. However, she never formally taught me in class. This came as a surprise to many people because they are perplexed by our relationship. It is suffice to say that the fate brought us together. Most senior teachers in school now know that I am her so called son. That is one of the reasons why I didn't misbehave when I was in school. Fear for disappointing her.

Mama : Mama ni garang ke? Mama tak rasa pun garang.
Aku : Sapa kata mama tak garang? You're not garang when you're with your students. But at home..ishh..Ayed pun takut ngan mama tau!
Mama : Hahahahaha...betul ek mama garang?

Sometimes I miss talking to her. Sometimes I miss listening to her voice. Encouraging me to do what I like to do. Believing in me. And I wonder where do I stand in her eyes...am I in the picture of her family or out of the picture? Time will tell.

Dilema Kita Hari Ini

Aku baru tadi jenguk video Malaysian Games aka Midwest Games 2004 from PERSISMA punya website. Persatuan Mahasiswa Malaysia Minnesota. Menarik..memang menarik video diorang. Aku paling suka tengok tarian yang lagu Kurik Kendi, entah..tarian tradisional is really appealing to watch. Frankly speaking aku memang suka menari-nari ni..and suka gak tengok orang menari ni.

Tapi bila aku tengok video clip tarian modern dance yang bebudak tu tunjukkan..I can't never escape this feeling. Feeling of dilema. Entah..nak kata suka tu..memang aku suka tengok menda-menda camni. Arts. Tapi at the same time, kita yang ada religious conscious kata menda camni tak elok. Tak lelaki dan perempuan terkinja-kinja di khalayak ramai, tak ada segan and tak ada silu. Memang dilemma la bagi aku.

Dulu-dulu aku tak pergi Malaysian Games. Reason aku, aku takleh terima sport volleyball coed. Campur lelaki dan perempuan. So aku boikot games tu. Masa tu, maklum ler..baru ajer ditarbiyyahkan oleh Al Maktabah PPP/ITM selama setahun..hehehe. Kira masa tu stok baik-baik lagi aaa. Takde campur-campur lelaki dan perempuan ni. Aku stok cakap dengan perempuan tunduk muka la kiranya. Kalau jalan selisih dengan perempuan, memang aku pandang tempat lain la..tak pun tunduk menonong jek. Masa tu ajer la.

As time progresses, aku mula terdedah pada banyak idea. Idea-idea yang lebih menarik..menarik dari segi nafsu la. Idea-idea yang lebih menggetarkan jiwa, mendebarkan nafsu dan menggoncangkan iman. And of course, all these wordly ideas appeal to my 'beast' side. Bak kata Ustaz Ahmad Awang, bekas presiden Persatuan Ulama M'sia dalam ceramahnya di PPP/ITM dulu, "Manusia ni ada bahagian manusia dan ada bahagian binatangnya. Dari pusat ke kaki, itu bahagian binatangnya. Dari pusat hingga ke kepala, itu bahagian manusianya". Itu kata dia...and aku akui memang betul pun.

Even the great philosopher of Greek, Aristotle, claims that we human are like the riders of charriot. The thruster of a charriot is the two horses or possible one horse and the navigator is the person on the charriot. If we let the faculty of mind is controlled by inclination or vegetative desire, we are doomed to its extreme destruction. Hmm..thanks to PHIL 001, an introduction course of Philosophy..heheh..

So slowly aku indulge in such situation. Bila dah terkeluar jauh dari lingkungan kawan-kawan yang sama-sama berusrah di PPP dulu..aku jadik makin lemau. Salah sendirik gak sebab tak rapat sangat dengan muslim community. Nak kata rapat, taklah rapat, tapi kalau jumpa orang masjid, still aku angkat tangan and bagi salam. Cuma tak kamceng. Unlike some people yang aku tahu memang kaki masjid.

Okay, coming back to the issue of Midwest Games ni. Dalam video tu lagi ada sebut, apa real motivation for them to come to this event and which university has the hottest chic. Okay, aku allrite ajer dengan first question tu..but the second one? Is it necessary to ask such question? And you publish it for public view. One thing aku rasa that kind of question is degrading to some people and second of all, i think it is inappropriate. Okay, one thing I need to clear it up, it's ok for me to ask about how hot the girl is - as long it stays as a personal thing. To make it a public..it's the shallowest thing to do. Some may not agree with me which is fine. But tell me, what do you feel if someone generalize you as not hot chic aka "bughok giler tak lalu nak tengok chic"? Heheeheh..someone will get real piss!

But anyway..lelama kemudian aku pun join la Malaysian games. Saja nak tengok kemeriahan games tu. It's actually more than coed mingling and who's-the-hottest-chic-of-the-event program. It's a place which you can meet you friends after separated for so long. It's a place where you create connection, making new friends and print new memories. Good time is indeed what you're looking for.

My first malaysian games at Buffalo, NY is something I cannot forget. Really, fun! Although aku kena drive 5 jam sorang-sorang dari Penn State, but it's okay.

I Need a Fashion Consultant, now!!



Okay ladies out there..I know this is your expertise. I seriously in need of a fashion consultant. I am not quite sure which shirt should I wear with my dark-blue-with-faint-white-stripes-and-3-button suit. I posted the picture of all my three shirts...and yes, I know..they look wrinkled here and there. But wait when I iron them later..hehehe..I tell you..they will be as dashing as they should be.

For what occasion? For this bloody meeting with Pak Lah. Of course la kan..I nak kipas si Pak Lah..mane tau dapat jadik exco Pemuda UMNO bila I balik M'sia nanti..boleh berkhidmat menghabiskan duit rakyat and jadi kaya raya sampai lupa daratan..muahahahaha!!!

So please..lend me your expertise..ok friends?

My Personality Test, not so long ago

You have scored 29 points for Are you a flirt?
You know the art but you don't over do it. You use your charms but to a limit analyzing the whole situation first. You would rather let others come to you. You keep your aura of mystery and know that the opposite sex always loves to dig it. You are what we can call an "intelligent flirt". You have the perfect body language and you know when to use it to your best.

You have scored 50 points for What kind of friend are you?
You are thoughtful and affectionate. Your friends can easily rely on you to be there through thick and thin. You listen to them, provide them a shoulder to cry on, share their joys and successes and give advice whenever they need it. You are their confidante and you have no problems sharing your valuable opinion. You are loyal, faithful and have insight that makes you a great friend who knows without needing to be told in words. You are trust worthy and this is your biggest asset.

You have scored 22 points for What is your style?
You know how to keep a balance between comfort and style. Style for is anything that "you" like and that would suit you. You want to have a good life that does not necessarily loads of money. You are a thinker and sometimes too cautious. You are a thinker and some times take long to decide that might take away the fun from your life. Going out is only when it is necessary. Be careful- you might be missing a lot of fun in all this.

You have scored 11 points for How jealous are you?
Well you want to be the center of attention. Although you are not blunt when it comes to show your feelings yet you sure feel a pang in your heart every time your friend, sibling or your partner is appreciated more than you. You should be glad for others and need to appreciate them when they deserve it.

You have scored 30 points for How romantic are you?
Well you are what we call "A Romantic But Practical Person". You like to do romantic things for your partner but side by side you are also cautious not to over do it. You will occasionally tell your feelings to your partner and would also like to listen to their, but you also take care that things don't get too mushy.

This is preposterous!!

F	Fine
A	Awkward
R	Relaxed
I	Industrious
D	Dashing

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

"Nanti Nuha Dapat Adik Baru..."



Sebelum tidur malam tadi aku dapat email dari Mak Long. Mak Long bagitau dia dah tukar nombor cellphone dia. Mak Long pun bagitau kat aku yang dia akan deliver baby pada bulan 9 nanti. Huwaaaaa..dah la aku tak pernah juga Nuha lagi, now Nuha dah nak dapat adik baru pulak..iskk iskk..

Hmm..lama gak aku tak bersembang dengan mak long di telefon. Dulu-dulu aku suka mainkan mak long aku kat telefon. Masa tu dia belum kawen lagi. Bila aku telefon, mesti aku cakap, "Hello, boleh saya bercakap dengan Cik Ati Kesuma? Saya buat panggilan dari Kedai Ubat Ah Seng". And then as usual, aku tak tahan gelak and pecah ketawa kat situ jugak. Mak Long pun dah biasa sangat dah dengan kelentong aku. But bila Mak Long dah kawen, kena start address dia as Puan la pulak..takkan Cik lagi. Tapi obviously, dia dah kenal sangat suara anak sedara nakal dia kat telefon ni.



Pernah dulu aku telefon Mak Long, lama dahhhhh. Waktu tu Mak Long baru balik dari UK untuk summer break. Masa tu aku nak cakap dengan Mak Ngah Suria, adik pada Mak Long. Mak Ngah Suria ni kira cam member bagi aku, member bergossip pasal sedara mara, member nak citer-citer bengong sesama. Tapi hari tu Mak Ngah takde, so Mak Long lak tetiba yang angkat. So dia tanya, "ni siapa?". "Ni anak sedara Mak Ngah Suria..tak kenal ke?". "Anak sedara? Saya ada sorang ajer anak sedara yang saya ingat selalu". "Sapa anak sedara Mak Long tu?". "Farid nama dia..". Perghhhh..bangga giler aku sebab dia ingat aku. Padahal masa tu aku jarang giler bercakap dengan dia kat telefon sebab aku selalu utus surat ajer dengan Mak Long di UK. To some people, perhaps it's the lamest thing to brag about but to me, it means a whole lot! Jarang ada orang cakap camtu kat aku..especially sedara mara.

Anyway..cerita pasal Mak Long ni..aku teringat kisah dia waktu dia study di Loughborough dulu sama-sama dengan Along. Aku selalu usha kat Mak Long, saja tanye kot-kot Along ada makwe ke time kat universiti dulu. Mak Long kata takde tapi Along ada ramai member perempuan katanya. Iskk..cenggitu ya? Mak Long kata lagi, Along pandai masak especially bab-bab bake kek ke..or bake cookies ke. Woooo..baru aku tahu lagik..

Mak Long citer gak time dia kat universiti dulu ramai orang nak masuk line dia. Aku tak heran pun, awek cun, sape tak ndak kan? Termasuklah abang pada sorang junior aku kat sekolah dulu. Mamat tu sekarang dah kawen pun dengan awek UTP nama Lolyta.

Mak Long has always been my source of inspiration. Dulu waktu Form 5 kat Alam Shah, aku lekatkan kertas kat loker aku di asrama. Elok ajer sebelah cermin muka kat loker tu. Aku tulis result SPM semua orang yang aku kenal..baik yang aku sayang and orang yang aku tak sayang. And of course la, nama Mak Long yang teratas sekali together with her result. Gambar Mak Long pun ada terlekat kat dalam loker aku. Gambar Mak Long di Teneriffe, Spain. Surat-surat yang Mak Long tulis pada aku, semuanya aku simpan elok-elok. Kalau aku rasa cam lemah semangat nak study untuk SPM, aku baca balik surat-surat dia sebab dia selalu tulis kata-kata nasihat dalam tu. Tu yang seronok baca tu!

Lepas SPM selalu aku dating ngan Mak Long kat KLCC. Maklum ler..bawah office dia ajer. Takpe..dia bayor! MUahahahaha..itu yang pentingnya. Pernah dia ajak aku lunch sesama kenkawan dia, executives of PETRONAS. Tapi aku segan ler..tak biasa ler makan reramai ngan strangers. Makan ngan sedara takpe, buruk lantak pun sedara jugak yang tahu. Kalau ada orang luar ni, paling kurang 40 kali kena kunyah, baru leh telan!

And now, aku pun dah almost nak ikut jejak langkah Mak Long. Mak Long study kat oversea, aku pun study kat oversea; in fact kami sama scholars lagi! Mak Long score big time in her study..aku pulak? Hehehehe..no comment...I'm just an average Joe..lalalala..kah kah kah! Mak Long kerja kat KLCC, aku takmo kerja kat KLCC..nak kerja kat pelantar! Wohohoho..best ape...makan sedap..hand's on experience pun dapat. Hmm..tak sabar la nak balik M'sia, tinggal lagi baper bulan ajer lagi. Nak ajak Mak Long dating kat KLCC. This time, aku belanja!

Thermodynamic of My Life

I was planning to write up a petition for my MATSE 402 course, a thermodynamic course for materials, which I suppose I can substitute for my Chemical Engineering elective courses, when something struck my mind. Why my life here is so full of thermodynamic?

Academically speaking, to date, I have been taking for more or less 5 thermodynamic courses all in all, spanning the period of 5 years. Yet again, there are no many things I really understand about thermodynamic. My first thermodynamic professor, Professor Tarbell, he spoke about understanding thermodynamic on the first day of class. He said, the first time you learn about thermodynamic, you will not get it. The second time you learn thermodynamic, you think you get the material. But in the third time you study thermodynamic, you will confuse yourself. I guess what he actually said on that day is that, thermodynamic is a study of neverending confusion for average student like myself. Hehehehe..

CH E 303, CH E 304, ME 412, CHEM 451, CHEM 457, and now MATSE 401.

These are the thermodynamic courses that I have been taking here. MATSE 401 is the last thermodynamic course that I will take for the last time in my college career. It's a course of thermodynamic study on material offered by Material & Science Engineering Department. I believe I can nail this bad ass course since I am soooo full of thermo right now.

But one thing lingers in my brain, will I actually use this knowledge for my day to day life? As far as I can see, the only thermodynamic thing that I really apply is to boil the water under constant pressure..hehehe.

Ok laa..I am crapping here..:D

Another Crappy Stuffs For You

1. Anda mengetahui yg anda merindui seseorang apabila jantung anda berdegup pantas ketika teringatkan dia. Dan walaupun sekadar "Hai" daripada dia mencukupi sebagai penenang.

Ulasan: anda mungkin menaruh hati kepadanya, cuma anda tidak menyedarinya ataupun anda tidak mahu menerimanya sebagai kenyataan.

2. Jangan jadi terlalu baik, saya akan merindui kamu. Jangan terlalu mengambil berat, saya mungkin menyukai kamu. Jangan jadi terlalu 'sweet', saya mungkin jatuh hati kepada kamu. Amat sukar untuk saya menyayangi kamu jika kamu ti dak mahu membalasnya.

Ulasan: seseorang yang membuat kamu jatuh hati kepadanya sebenarnya menyayangi kamu lebih daripada kamu menyayangi dia.

3. Jika seseorang hadir dalam hidup kamu dan menjadi sebahagian daripada kamu, tetapi atas sebab tertentu dia terpaksa pergi, jangan terlalu sedih..terimalah kenyataan itu dan sekurang2nya dia pernah membahagiakan kamu.

Ulasan: Masa akan menentukan segalanya, jika dia ditakdirkan bersama anda, dia akan kembali.

4. Jangan melarikan diri dari 'cinta' apabila ia berada di hadapan kamu. Jangan melarikan diri daripadanya kerana suatu hari nanti, kamu pasti akan teringatkannya kembali dan menyesali perbuatan kamu itu.

Ulasan: hargai orang yang menyayangi kamu, bukan mudah untuk mencari orang yang menyayangi kita. yang paling berharga ialah hati yang ikhlas.

5. Penyesalan terbesar dalam hidup ialah risiko yang kita tidak ambil. jika anda merasakan sesuatu itu akan membuatkan anda bahagia, maka teruskan. Ingatlah bahawa kita akan melalui semua ini hanya sekali, mungkin tiada lagi peluang kedua.

Ulasan: Masa tidak menunggu kita. Jika anda rasakan anda telah bertemu dengan orang yg sesuai, maka hargailah dia, jangan biarkan dia berlalu begitu sahaja. Jangan bertangguh kerana takut. Cubalah dahulu atau anda akan menyesal kerana membiarkan ia berlalu begitu sahaja. Tiada sesiapapun yang tahu apakah yang membuatkan anda benar2 bahagia.

6. Ada 2 titis air mata mengalir di sebuah sungai. Satu titis air mata tu menyapa air mata yg satu lagi, "Saya air mata seorang ga dis yang menyayangi seorang lelaki tetapi telah kehilangannya. Siapa kamu pula?". Jawab titis air mata kedua tu, "Saya air mata seorang lelaki yang menyesal membiarkan seorang gadis yg menyayangi saya berlalu begitu sahaja."

Ulasan: Tiada sesiapapun yang simpati kepada orang yang sengaja membiarkan peluang pergi begitu sahaja tanpa berusaha untuk mendapatkannya atau mempertaha nkannya. Kita selalunya tidak menghargai seseorang yang hampir atau menyayangi kita sehingga dia pergi meninggalkan kita; kemudian kita akan sedih dan menyesal mengingatkannya.

7. Terdapat banyak bebintang di langit tetapi hanya satu sahaja yang begitu menyerlah sehingga dapat menarik perhatian anda. Dari kalangan yang anda pilih untuk abaikan ialah sebutir bintang yang sanggup menyinari anda walaub diamana sahaja anda berada.

Ulasan:
Bahagian 1: orang yang bersama anda ketika ini mungkin bukanlah orang yang benar2 anda sayangi.

Bahagian 2: terdapat orang yang tahu dia tidak dapat bersama kamu ketika ini tetapi masih menyayangi kamu sepenuh hatinya, fikirkanlah.

8. Lawaknya bila kita meletakkan standard untuk orang yg bakal kita sayangi, tetapi jauh di sudut hati, kita tahu yang orang yg kita sayangi itu terkecuali daripada standard itu. (don't be too choosy!)

Ulasan: kita amat kritikal terutamanya kepada orang yg kita sukai atau sayangi kerana kita mahukan yang terbaik untuk diri kita. Tetapi sebenarnya kesempurnaan dan hubungan terbaik dapat dicapai dengan berusaha bersama. Ia bukanlah terletak kepada satu individu sahaja.

9. Cinta itu membuatkan anda gembira walaupun ia sering melukakan. Cinta itu istimewa jika ia diberikan kepada orang yg bertuah.

Ulasan: Jika anda bertemu seseorang yang benar2 menghargai anda, maka dia berhak mendapat kasih anda.

10. Menyayangi/mencintai itu umpama bermain piano. pertama, kita bermain ikut peraturannya. Kemudian, lupakan peraturannya dan main ikut hati.

Ulasan: kepercayaan terhadap pasangan adalah amat penting. Untuk mempercayai seseorang yang anda sayang/cintai, anda mestilah membuat dia mempercayai anda dahulu. Yakin terhadap diri sendiri dan pasangan anda. Jangan buat mereka ragu-ragu terhadap anda dan jangan ragu -ragu terhadap mereka.

11. Apa kata seseorang memberitahu anda ini " saya tidak percaya dengan courtship (mendapatkan perhatian bagi memenangi seseorang). Ia cuma membuang masa sahaja.Jika saya mencintai seseorang, maka saya akan meluahkan isi hati saya kepadanya. Tetapi, ada pula pengecualian bagi anda, jika anda mencintai saya, saya akan 'court' (sentiasa cuba memenangi) anda selamanya..."

Ulasan: Cinta itu memerlukan masa untuk disedari kehadirannya.
Terdapat cinta pandang pertama, tetapi ia masih memerlukan masa bagi pihak satu lagi menyedarinya. Merinduinya apabila dia tiada di sisi, mengharapkan berita daripadanya apabila berjauhan...

12. Adalah lebih baik untuk berani mencintai walaupun akhirnya anda kecewa daripada tidak mahu mencintai kerana takutkan risiko atau cabaran yang bakal mendatang.

Ulasan: Jangan berputus asa apabila terdapat saingan dalam percintaan. Adalah lebih baik untuk anda mencubanya terlebih dahulu; kerana jika
anda berjaya, kemenangannya itu teramat manis. Tetapi, jika anda tidak mahu/berani mencubanya, anda mungkin akan kehilangan orang yang anda sayang/cintai selamanya.

13. Anda tidak pernah kalah/kecewa dalam mencintai / menyayangi. Anda cuma kalah jika anda bertangguh.

Ulasan: Jangan takut untuk meluahkan isi hati anda kepada orang yang anda sayang/cintai. Beritahu mereka dan biar mereka buat keputusan di pihak mereka. Salah satu perkara yang paling indah dalam hidup ialah memberitahu kepada orang yang anda sayangi betapa penting dan istimewanya mereka dalam hidup anda. Dengan itu, anda akan rasa lebih yakin dan puas. Dan anda akan rasa bangga terhadap diri anda kerana anda telah menunaikan tanggungjawabanda terhadap perasaan hati anda.

14. Jangan sesekali mengkhianati perasaan hati anda kerana akibatnya,hanya anda yang akan sengsara; bukan orang lain. Salah satu cabaran paling sukar dalam hidup ialah mencari orang yang tahu segala kelemahan dan kekurangan diri anda, tetapi dia masih sangup menyayangi anda dengan sepenuh hatinya.

Ulasan: Cinta itu adalah berasaskan tolak ansur dan pengorbanan. jika dia tahu kelemahan dan kekurangan anda dan masih sanggup bersama anda dan lebih menyayangi anda, maka andalah orang yang paling bertuah! Dia layak mendapat cinta anda.

15. Ruang kosong di antara celah-celah jari kita dicipta untuk dipenuhi oleh jari-jari orang lain.

Ulasan: Bukalah pintu hati anda, benarkan orang yang anda sayangi masuk,jangan ragui tujuan mereka kerana keikhlasan itu dapat dirasai dalam hati. Dalam percintaan, terdapat beberapa perkara yang perlu disedari. Apabila anda bercinta...... Ia bukan 'passport' untuk anda difahami; tetapi untuk anda memahami. Ia bukan 'passport' untuk anda mengambil itu dan ini; tetapi untuk anda diambil. Ia adalah untuk anda mendengar;bukan supaya anda didengar. Ia adalah untuk anda berkorban dan bertolak ansur; bukan untuk anda meminta itu dan ini. Ia bukan untuk anda berkira2 atau mengukur; tetapi untuk anda mencintai..

********************ULASAN AKU*******************

Too many guidelines laa..how do you know you're in love? I don't know..there is no specific rule about this. Some say, when you feel this and that..another would say, when you discover this and that. To me? I don't know..

I know I felt it once..that's for sure. But it was long long and long time ago. And I bet that kind of feeling won't come again. So I just live for the day. If I feel something, I will let myself acknowledge it. So far, yes..I feel longing of someone. That someone may not know and may not realize..or may ignore the fact that I am longing for this individual but hey, let time takes its own pace. Whatever it gives you, just take it! :)

Apa Khabar Kawan?



Iskk..tengah boring maut ni..aku ronda-ronda sat kat friendster.com. Muahahaha..jenguk-jenguk si Mozaid nyer friendster. Aku kenal si Mozaid ni pun sebab aku berkawan dengan si Chot, Zaid ngan Kamek. Diorang ni dok serumah dulu-dulunya kat Troy tu.

Fellamak..semakin daring sekarang si Mozaid bergambar dengan makwe dia. Hmm..suka aku tengok kenkawan yang dah pakwe makwe ni, especially bila bergambar bersama. Aku teringat lagi masa aku sembang ngan Mozaid waktu aku balik M'sia last year ke gitu.

Dia kata, makwe dia bagi kata dua kat dia..kalau tak masuk gak meminang dalam tempoh sekian-sekian..makwe dia carik yang lain ajer. Maklumlah, makwe dia tu ramai orang yang hendak. Masa tu ada senior-senior kat USM tu dok usha-usha awek dia. Makwe dia kalau tak silap aku buat Master kat USM right now. Mozaid ape lagik, menggelabah cam haram laa bila dah makwe bagik kata dua camtu. Maklum ler..bercinta dah lama..since dari sekolah ke ape..tak ingat ler aku.

Hehehehe..teringat pulak kes Kak Izma ngan Kerie. Tapi serious shit aku rasa Kerie tu bodo aa pi lepas Kak Izma cenggitu ajer. Ah well..kita tak tahu masalah diorang..mungkin ada hikmah di sebalik perpisahan.

And now si Mozaid dah kerja as engineer kat TNB. Power Electrical Engineer. Bunyik hebat ek? Mungkin hebat la.same la dia dengan si Chot, kerja yang sama. Dulu time dia study kat RPI, New York dulu..aku dengar-dengar dia stok scorer nyer. Final semester satu course dia amik tu barai. Hahahaha..apa nak buat, homework tak hantar, report tak buat. Extend satu semester tapi sempoi score lepas tu. Habis graduation ajer, petang tu jugak dia amik flight balik M'sia. First time aku nampak dia nangis kat airport. Huhuhuhu...Mozaid..Mozaid.

Nantilah..aku balik m'sia nanti..nak jumpa ngan si Mozaid. Rindu pulak nak dengar gelak dia yang mengilai-ngilai tu (gelak dia la yang paling kuat kalau kat rumah 15th Street tuh)..hahahaha..

Takde Kerja

For the past few days I've been doing nothing except loafing around in my apartment, merely sitting my fat ass doing zero work except for cooking and testing new recipe. As usual, early in the morning (well, 11 am is considered as early morning to me), I would wake up and walked lazily to White Building for my Aerobic Dance class or academically known as KINES 63 course. Of course, looking at the ladies shaking their booties early in the morning does indeed wake my up but that's not the prime motivation for me to attend the class though. My sole purpose of being there is to toast a few inches of fat layer in my body. So far, I think I succeeded to diminish a few milimeter of this evil fat. Congratulations to myself.

This class only has 2 male students (one is me and another one is half man or fondly known as 'lelaki lembut') and the rest is the ladies. Sometimes it intimidates me because I feel everyone in that class is judging me as one flabby man, trying to get horny by looking their boobs and booties (some of them do have nice bodies though..muahahahaha *evil laugh*). Yeah right, hello hotties?! I don't give a shit if you have nice boobs or superb rack, all I care is to do some body workout here, ok? My body first, yours later.

Anyhow, on a lighter note, joining this class makes me realize something which is men are always obscure when it comes to their physical appearance. One of my fellow Malaysians in State College once asked me, "Weh Farid, hang pi gym tu, ada ka orang keding-keding cam aku ni pi work out?". Errr..what should I answer? Surely many kinds of people come to the gym, doesn't matter what type of their body shape they have, still the gym is the right destination to go if you're willing to drop a few sweats. Evidently, this is a line of obscurantism.

Realiti kehidupan anggota polis?

Ermmm...aku semalam sembang dengan mak aku sebab lama tak sembang and telefon dia. Itu pun lepas ada sumber-sumber yang boleh dipercayai bagitau kat aku macam mak aku cam komplen, aku lama tak call dia. Okay, aku pun call la mak aku.

Mummy : Mummy dengan papa minggu lepas pergi Istana Melawati, tempat Agong duduk tu.
Aku : Ada apa kat sana? Agong ajak mummy minum teh tarik sesama ke?
Mummy : Haahaha..ada ke situ pulak. Papa dipanggil ke istana untuk terima pingat dari Agong.
Aku : Whoaaa..pingat lagik? Bukan ke dua tahun dulu papa dah dapat pingat ke? Ermm..papa dapat pingat Datok ke? Ke dapat pingat Tan Sri? hehehehe...
Mummy : Mana ada..karut ler. Papa dapat pingat Bentara Polis.
Aku : Ohh..ingatkan dapat Dato ke...dapat Tan Sri ke..hehehe..

Hmm..sedih gak aku rasa sebab aku tak dapat ada kat sana untuk tengok papa dapat anugerah pingat kehormat. Ye ler, bukan sekali dua dapat. Well, in this case, papa dapat dua kali. Satu pingat apa ntah, lagi satu pingat Bentara Pasukan Polis. Lagi pun, papa dah nak pencen hujung tahun ni. Mummy kata ada orang recommend kan papa untuk dapat pingat. Hmm..aku tak hairan pun kalau ada orang nak recommend kan papa sebab papa ada ramai kawan kat peringkat atasan. Cuma dia tak mahu ajer campur gaul selalu dengan pegawai tinggi. Entah kenapa, jangan tanya aku.

Bila aku fikir-fikir balik, berbaloi ke hanya pingat saja diberi pada anggota polis? Cuba pikir ek, anggota polis kerjanya menjaga keamanan negara 24 jam sehari, 7 hari seminggu dan 365 hari setahun. Maybe ayah aku tak macam tu, tapi by large, anggota polis memang dah begitu job description dia.

Tapi apa yang dia dapat? Elaun tak seberapa, gaji yang rendah, dan kemudahan yang sangat terhad.

Renung kembali pada kisah suka duka papa kerja dalam polis ni, aku terasa macam kerajaan sebenarnya ambil enteng dengan orang-orang bawahan, terutama pada anggota polis dan anggota tentera. Aku rasa papa dah kerja dengan Polis Diraja M'sia dah almost 25 tahun atau mungkin lebih. Tapi hingga ke hari ni, gaji papa tak lebih dari RM 2000. RM 2000 bukannya cukup sangat untuk hidup di KL, lebih-lebih lagi kalau duduk menyewa. Mummy pulak tak bekerja. Mujur juga anak-anak dah besar sekarang. Yang tinggal bersekolah sekarang ni cuma si Farah ajer di MRSM Jasin.

Kalau dulu waktu kami hidup di berek polis, memang aku rasa sangatlah sempit ruang kehidupan waktu tu. Rumah di berek polis sangat sempit, lagi-lagi kalau sesiapa yang ada anak ramai dan berbilang jantina (lelaki dan perempuan saja, pondan dan bapuk tak termasuk di sini). Itu berek dulu, sekarang ni aku tak tahu lah besar mana kan. Dan kemudiannya kemudahan berek tu akan ditarik balik sekiranya anggota polis tu dah berhenti daripada perkhidmatannya. Ahh sudah, cuba pikir balik?! Gaji sedikit, nak beli rumah pun tak mampu, bila dah pencen kena tendang keluar dari berek. Mana nak duduk?

Ruang untuk dapat scholarship pada anak-anak polis juga aku rasa, sama ajer dengan anak-anak kakitangan kerajaan yang lain. Sangat terhad. Maklumlah, rakyat M'sia ada 23 juta. Mana larat nak bagi semua orang. Tapi aku sedikit hairan kenapa PDRM sangat bengap untuk tak tubuhkan tabung biasiswa anak-anak anggota PDRM. Kita kan ada ramai orang-orang kaya di M'sia. Kenapa tak minta saja diorang sumbangkan, kalau tak sejuta dua, paling kurang pun RM 999,999. Padahal anggota PDRM la yang jenuh nak jaga diorang ni.

Bila ada anggota Polis cuai dalam menjalankan tugas mereka, ramai pulak yang pandai nak hentam sana sini. Bila ada anggota Polis yang pergi peras ugut pendatang haram untuk cari duit lebih, ramai pulak yang kondem tak ingat-ingat punya. Bila ada anggota Polis makan suap, bersepah-sepah orang nak kutuk PDRM (termasuk ler aku sekali..hehehehe)

Kalau kita tengok balik sejarah zaman pentadbiran Khulafah Ar Rasyidin, bermula pada waktu Saidina Umar Al Khattab mentadbir, Amirul Mukminin pastikan pegawai-pegawai kerajaan diberikan gaji yang tidak terlalu rendah dan tidak pula terlalu tinggi untuk menjaga mereka daripada terlibat dari rasuah. Anggota-anggota tentera pulak diberikan perhatian yang secukupnya. Diberikan gaji yang bersesuaian, diberikan perisai dan pedang yang tajam dan sebagainya. Itu contoh jelas perhatian yang diberikan.

Kita sepatutnya jengah kehidupan anggota polis dan tentera. Kita lihat nasib mereka pada kehidupan sehari-hari bersesuaian dengan taraf kehidupan orang lain di sekeliling. Polis dan Tentera juga kalau nak kira, kira bidang professional juga sebab tak semua orang boleh angkat pistol and tembak orang jahat. Tak ramai orang yang boleh atur strategi peperangan macam anggota tentera. And of course, tak ramai pulak yang berani diffuse bom macam papa buat 17 - 18 tahun dulu di kawasan Wangsa Maju.

Kerajaan boleh bagi kenaikan gaji menteri dan timbalan menteri baru-baru ni, kalau tak silap aku, dalam setahun dua yang lepas. Tapi kenapa tak boleh bagi kenaikan gaji pada anggota polis dan tentera. Beri elaun lebih sikit, upgrade sikit kemudahan perumahan, bantuan biasiswa pada anak-anak anggota keselamatan negara, bantuan perubatan dan sebagainya. Memang ler anggota keselamatan negara ramai, tapi menteri-menteri dan timbalan-timbalan menteri kita pun ramai juga. In fact, tak ada negara kat dunia ni yang ada menteri dan timbalan menteri seramai di M'sia.

Itulah realiti kehidupan anggota polis. Bergelut dengan masalah kehidupan dengan kehendak profession. Realitinya, kita tidak memberi secukupnya pada mereka dan hasilnya, itulah juga yang kita dapat sebagai balasan daripada mereka. Nak komen banyak, cuba sarung uniform polis untuk tempoh sehari dulu, baru boleh cakap banyak!

Nak Bodek Pak Lah, Mintak Mau Jadi Exco Pemuda



Meeting with M'sia Prime Minister
Venue : Embassy of Malaysia, International Court N.W, Washington DC
Date : July 19th, 2004
Time : 3.45 pm

Aku : Mummy, next week Ayed gi Washington DC. Hari Isnin ngan Selasa.
Mummy : Ada apa kat sana?
Aku : Pak Lah nak jumpa. Saja ajak-ajak minum..katanya nak sembang-sembang gitu.
Mummy : Haa..yelah sangat tuh! Tak pernah-pernah teringin nak jumpa PM, tetiba nak jumpa PM ni.
Aku : Alaa..saja ajer mummy. Dah Pak Lah nak turun DC. Embassy panggil ler bebudak kat area sini, jadi tukang penuh dewan. Ayed gi sana nak kipas-kipas sket dia. Mana tau, kot balik US nanti dapat jadi Exco Pemuda ke kan. Mummy jugak yang senang, harta masuk banyak!!
Mummy : Hahahaha...iye lah tuh. Mandai ajer kau ni!
Aku : Betul apa mummy..hahahaha..cuba tengok menantu Pak Lah tu. Dah orang ampu dia, nak calonkan dia jadik Naib Ketua Pemuda.

Hehehehehe...

Almost dekat nak 5 tahun aku ada kat sini, tak pernah sekali habuk pun aku pi attend any meeting with PM, baik di Washington DC, New York City atau pun di Chicago dulu. Entahlah, aku kurang bernafsu nak jumpa dia walau pun ditanggung sekali pun kos transportation and diberi makan dan minum. Rasanya macam aku just bazir waktu ajer pi jumpa dia. Itu masa zaman Che Det pegang jawatan PM la kan..but now Pak Lah pulak dah duduk kat kerusi panas tu. Kebetulan sekarang ni waktu summer dan aku pun tak buat menda time ni, boleh la kot aku pi sana. Nak dengar gaya bercakap Pak Lah. Nak tengok image 'Mr. Nice Guy' Pak Lah. Entah ya ke idak, wallahu'alam.

Buang Tebiat

We Should Be Like Them

"We're willing to communicate and engage with Nasa (the US space agency) but our principle is we should be equal and benefit together. Although China's a developing country, we won't beg" Sun Laiyan said to the press in his first press conference after he took up a position as the chief administrator at the China National Space Administration (CNSA) in April.

The US has blocked China from participating in the International Space Station, which may be one reason why China is prepared to build its own.

So I guess it's time for many countries to venture in space exploration. Well not necessarily the space exploration, but probably space technology as what the United States has been working on for the last 50 years or so. Many sectors can benefit from this technology. But bear in mind that this technology come with no cheesy price. It can cost more than a single billion dollars, right from the initial plan to train the astronauts and to build the spaceship. However in the long run, it will benefit the mankind more than we can ever imagine right from medicine technology, industrial research and development as well as science and technology expansion for our country.

Nonetheless, all these can only be achieved if we set a strong mindset on the issue of self-dignity. The motivation to move forward, the motivation to innovate and the motivation to be at par with other countries, not only in science and technology, but also in other areas such as human rights, consumer rights, just judicial system and many more. Until this, we cannot stand tall with others.

Change the mindset.

As one die hard supporter of Alam Shah Rugby team chanted, "Win the scrum, win the ball, win the game!!". The ball is in our hands now, it's time to bring it on!

Summer Training Camp Part 2

Aku sampai semula ke Somerset lebih kurang jam 2 pagi lah sebab aku take time kat State College. Kasik rehat sket, makan sket, baring sket..semua sket sket la..kang banyak-banyak pulak, takut tak sampai terus kat Somerset tu. Memang foggy la area Laurel Hill State Park ni. Aku terus ke kabin untuk tido. Ya Allah, memang terasa bahang la kat dalam kabin ni sebab tingkap tak boleh dibuka. Katilnya pulak, yang jenis ada jaring-jaring spring tu tapi tak ada tilam. Mujur aku bawak sleeping bag..alhamdulillah dapat juga ala-ala tilam gitu. Walau pun keadaan yang camtu, aku paksa gak diri sendiri tidur sebab nak rehat. Esok ada program yang banyak tarik tenaga aku.

The next day tu, ada solat subuh berjemaah and kuliah subuh. Kuliah subuh kali ni disampaikan oleh malaysian dari Case Western Reserve Uni. Cakap pasal ape ek..metadologi dakwah. Hmm..aku pun wonder gak..manhaj dakwah tu..sama ke ngan uslub dakwah? Dalam kuliah subuh yang ringkas tu, dia ada la sebut pasal peranan orang islam tunjukkan contoh yang baik. Tak perlu jadi sheikh ke, imam besar ke..just cukup jadi muslim yang laksanakan tanggungjawab islam dia. Nanti orang luar di sekeliling selalu tengok apa yang kita buat. Itu pun dah cukup jadi dakwah pada orang lain. Yang penting, kena laksanakan apa yang dipertanggungjawabkan atas kita.



Habis kuliah subuh tu, aku ingat cam nak tidur balik tapi tak dapat la kan. Orang berdengkur dalam kabin tu sana sini. Last-last aku lepak ngan Ajeep, Pitek , Taufiq ngan sorang mamat dari Winsconsin ni kat atas basketball court. Baring-baring atas sleeping bag yang dibentangkan kat basketball court. Memang cam best! Pandang ke langit biru. Rasa fresh giler walau pun semalamnya aku penat driving total 8 jam.

Acara pagi tu mula dengan breakfast pagi. Lepas tu ada hiking. Ya Allah, mujur lah sepanjang summer aku ada gak keluar masuk gym, kalau tidak memang sah-sah aku terlentang dah kat dalam hutan tu. Kawasan kat situ berbukit. So sepanjang hiking tu, ada la turun naik bukit...turun lereng bukit yang curam..lalu kat jeram-jeram sungai. Dapat tengok empangan kecil kat atas bukit situ. Air memang sejuk betul. Group aku ada 6 orang termasuk aku. Salah seorang daripadanya ialah brader Indonesian yang study di Washington DC. Aku jadi ketua kumpulan. Everytime kami encounter dengan check point, akan ada satu set soalan yang diberikan dan kami harus menjawap dengan betul. Sampai di check point yang terakhir, kami diberi pilihan untuk pilih 3 kategori daripada 6 kategori yang ada. So, kategori yang kami pilih ialah Akidah, Ibadah dan Pengetahuan Semasa, atau pun bak kata brader-brader Indonesia sebut, Pengetahun Kontemporari.

Soalan bab Akidah, kitorang cam kantoi sikit lah bila ditanya apakah nama kerajaan yang dijumpai oleh sejenis burung pada zaman pemerintahan nabi sulaiman. Soalan yang berkait dengan soalan pertama tu, namakah tuhan yang disembah oleh penduduk negeri itu dan nama pemimpinnya. Nama pemimpin dia kitorang dah tahu, Ratu Balqis and burung tu namanya Hud-hud. Fikir punya fikir, aku spontan sebut kerajaan Sheba. Orang yang tanyakan aku tu, dia kata jawapan aku salah. Aku tak puas hati giler..aku cakap Sheba tu dah betul. Belakang, ade sorang daripada ahli kumpulan aku sebut Saba'. Baru betul. Arghhh..tak puas ati aku, aku tahu jawapan aku dah betul sebab aku baca tafseer in English, bukan dalam Bahasa Melayu. Kerajaan Saba' dalam English nya disebut Sheba. Rakyat di negeri ini menyembah tuhan matahari.

Group kitorang sampai nombor 2. Aku budget-budget cam group aku kalah ler sebab dapat nombor dua dalam hiking. Rupa-rupanya kitorang menang sebab group pertama tu silap jalan. Diorang amik short cut. Muahahahaa!!!

Lepas hiking, kami tunggu lunch.



Bersambung...

Summer Training Camp Part 1

Perjalanan musafir aku pada minggu lepas sangatlah meletihkan. Pertamanya aku terpaksa buat dua trip dari State College ke Somerset (tempat the 3rd plane crashed on September 11th, 2001 dulu). Perjalanan pertama sepatutnya jadi 2.5 jam ajer driving tapi disebabkan co-pilot yang tidak cekap membaca map road, terpaksalah di extend sampai 3 jam lebih. Aku dah penat meraung-raung dalam hati masa tu tapi kena kontrol temper aku. Apa nak buat, drive jauh, penat driving, dalam kereta takde sapa sangat yang nak keep the situation alive and aku kena create keadaan yang menceriakan bagi aku untuk drive. Lepas tu, bila aku nyanyi-nyanyi sebab takmo kasik ngantuk, orang-orang kat dalam kereta tu pulak pi kutuk. Kang, ada jugak yang kena tinggal tepi highway ni kang!!! Itulah sakit jiwanya orang-orang yang nak travel kat US tapi takmo ikut pulak cara travel kat US. Semua ingat once driver dah pegang stering kereta, dia ajer laa yang susah payah drive sampai ke akhir destinasi. Lelain takmo bagi kerjasama, macam temankan driver sembang-sembang ke untuk tak bagi driver mengantuk. Semua pakat nak berdengkur.



Well, bila aku sampai di campground tempat di mana STC berlangsung, para peserta dah start nak ramai dah. As usual, ramai family Indonesia and sangat kurang Malaysian family. Aku wonder, Malaysian families khususnya Melayu la, nak kata tak ramai kat US ni, ramai sebenarnya! Cuma diorang ni kurang berminat nak join program-program keagamaan. Pelik!! Ah lantaklah, kubur ko ngan kubur aku lain-lain!

Selesai aku tunaikan solat jamak dan qasar Zuhur/Asar, aku terus bersiap untuk kembali semula ke State College. Bayangkanlah, letih drive ke Somerset tak hilang lagi, terus nak drive balik ke State College semula untuk pick up second trip. Apa nak buat, I gave my words, so can't complaint much. Sebelum start driving tu, Akhie Adnan and a few brothers greeted me. And of course, dalam ramai-ramai manusia tu, aku tak expect Dr. Zahratul, Pengarah Malaysian Student Department ni ada sekali kat lokasi program. Aisey, siot laa..aku tak suka betul la orang MSD ni. One thing, aku rasa MSD ni serves as taking care of their political master kat M'sia. Secondly, nama ajer Malaysian Student Department, tapi haram tak ambil berat pasal kebajikan student. Tapi kalau student buat kerja-kerja agama, terus nak label terus nak kait dengan pembangkang. Yang tu, cepat saja diorang bertindak.



Drive semula ke Penn State rupanya ambil masa yang lebih panjang. Ni disebabkan mata aku yang semakin layu. Another 2.5 hours to finish, ya Allah aku rasa macam jauh sangat ajer State College tu. Ngantuk sangat, aku pun stop tepi jalan. Bimbang kalau-kalau aku teruskan lagi driving aku ni, mungkin aku end up bawah lori memana ke..or mungkin aku masuk gaung mana-mana ke kan. Menangis semua pembaca blog aku nanti (muahahahaha...perasan nak mampos aku nih!).



Yang aku tahu, lepas aku tidor dalam 20 minit gitu tepi highway tu, terus aku pecut ke State College. Mujur Ford Taurus ni ada cruise control system, kita set ajer speed yang kita mahu, lepas tu suka ati kereta tu la jalan. Lega aku bila sampai ke Penn State balik.

Jalan-jalan Hari Ini

Hari ni ramai betul yang akan berjalan-jalan. Tadi pun, kumpulan juniors yang akan balik ke M'sia untuk summer break dah pun bergerak ke Newark, New Jersey untuk ke airport sana. Aku pulak akan bersedia untuk ke Somerset bagi menghadiri program Summer Training Camp anjuran IMSA dan MISG. Mungkin yang ini akan jadi STC kali terakhir aku di sini. Itu yang semestinya.

Petang tadi sempat aku masakkan nasi ayam, hidangan untuk Didie yang akan balik bercuti ke M'sia. Saja buat dinner yang grand sikit sebab kebetulan Jessica, ex-roommate Didie, datang dari Virginia just to drive her to the airport. Cool huh? Jessica or fondly known as Jess, bagi aku, dah lebih kurang macam orang M'sia ajer. Dah mula makan nasi dengan tangan. Actually, dah mula pandai makan nasi sebenarnya! So aku stay up until 2 am untuk send off Didie. Petang sebelum tu aku sempat gi rumah juniors lelaki kat downtown untuk wish selamat bercuti ke M'sia.

Mudah-mudahan diorang semua sampai ke destinasi akhir dan selamat kembali ke US dengan tanpa masalah, terutamanya di airport nanti. INS kat sini banyak songeh sikit.

Siang esoknya nanti aku kena drive for almost 7 hours. 2 kali trip dari State College ke Somerset. Harap-harap aku dapat sewa kereta Chevrolet Impala sebab sizenya yang besar. Selesa giler drive kereta tu. Siap boleh bersila sambil drive. But wallahu'alam, apa yang dapat, aku sebat ajer. Mudah-mudahan driving kali ni selamat tanpa apa-apa halangan.

Bila aku balik dari program tu, aku akan update dengan gambar-gambar sekali. In the mean time, do miss me, anybody?

A Good Story

We sometimes take the religion for granted. Sometimes we even feel the obscurity to enlive our own religion as we are afraid to be perceived as conservative, orthodox and even backward by our peers. But this story tells different kind of story. The story of a search of light at the end of the tunnel. Searching for the truth and nothing but the truth. Quest for religion.

Source: The Islamic Bulletin, San Francisco, CA 94141-0186
http://thetruereligion.org/modules/xfsection/article.php?articleid=277

Q: Would you kindly tell us how your interest in Islam began?

A: I was Margaret (Peggy) Marcus. As a small child I possessed a keen interest in music and was particularly fond of the classical operas and symphonies considered high culture in the West. Music was my favorite subject in school in which I always earned the highest grades. By sheer chance, I happened to hear Arabic music over the radio which so much pleased me that I was determined to hear more. I would not leave my parents in peace until my father finally took me to the Syrian section in New York City where I bought a stack of Arabic recordings. My parents, relatives and neighbors thought Arabic and its music dreadfully weird and so distressing to their ears that whenever I put on my recordings, they demanded that I close all the doors and windows in my room lest they be disturbed! After I embraced Islam in 1961, I used to sit enthralled by the hour at the mosque in New York, listening to tape-recordings of Tilawat chanted by the celebrated Egyptian Qari, Abdul Basit. But on Jumha Salat (Friday Prayers), the Imam did not play the tapes. We had a special guest that day. A short, very thin and poorly-dressed black youth, who introduced himself to us as a student from Zanzibar, recited Surah ar-Rahman. I never heard such glorious Tilawat even from Abdul Basit! He possessed such a voice of gold; surely Hazrat Bilal must have sounded much like him!


I traced the beginning of my interest in Islam to the age of ten. While attending a reformed Jewish Sunday school, I became fascinated with the historical relationship between the Jews and the Arabs. From my Jewish textbooks, I learned that Abraham was the father of the Arabs as well as the Jews. I read how centuries later when, in medieval Europe, Christian persecution made their lives intolerable, the Jews were welcomed in Muslim Spain and that it was the magnanimity of this same Arabic Islamic civilization which stimulated Hebrew culture to reach its highest peak of achievement.


Totally unaware of the true nature of Zionism, I naively thought that the Jews were returning to Palestine to strengthen their close ties of kinship in religion and culture with their Semitic cousins. Together I believed that the Jews and the Arabs would cooperate to attain another Golden Age of culture in the Middle East.


Despite my fascination with the study of Jewish history, I was extremely unhappy at the Sunday school. At this time I identified myself strongly with the Jewish people in Europe, then suffering a horrible fate under the Nazis and I was shocked that none of my fellow classmates nor their parents took their religion seriously. During the services at the synagogue, the children used to read comic strips hidden in their prayer books and laugh to scorn at the rituals. The children were so noisy and disorderly that the teachers could not discipline them and found it very difficult to conduct the classes.


At home the atmosphere for religious observance was scarcely more congenial. My elder sister detested the Sunday school so much that my mother literally had to drag her out of bed in the mornings and it never went without the struggle of tears and hot words. Finally my parents were exhausted and let her quit. On the Jewish High Holy Days instead of attending synagogue and fasting on Yom Kippur, my sister and I were taken out of school to attend family picnics and parties in fine restaurants. When my sister and I convinced our parents how miserable we both were at the Sunday school they joined an agnostic, humanist organization known as the Ethical Culture Movement.


The Ethical Culture Movement was founded late in the 19th century by Felix Alder. While studying for rabbinate, Felix Alder grew convinced that devotion to ethical values as relative and man-made, regarding any supernaturalism or theology as irrelevant, constituted the only religion fit for the modern world. I attended the Ethical Culture Sunday School each week from the age of eleven until I graduated at fifteen. Here I grew into complete accord with the ideas of the movement and regarded all traditional, organized religions with scorn.


When I was eighteen years old I became a member of the local Zionist youth movement known as the Mizrachi Hatzair. But when I found out what the nature of Zionism was, which made the hostility between Jews and Arabs irreconcilable, I left several months later in disgust. When I was twenty and a student at New York University, one of my elective courses was entitled Judaism in Islam. My professor, Rabbi Abraham Isaac Katsh, the head of the department of Hebrew Studies there, spared no efforts to convince his students--all Jews, many of whom aspired to become rabbis--that Islam was derived from Judaism. Our textbook, written by him, took each verse from the Quran, painstakingly tracing it to its allegedly Jewish source. Although his real aim was to prove to his students the superiority of Judaism over Islam, he convinced me diametrically of the opposite.


I soon discovered that Zionism was merely a combination of the racist, tribalistic aspects of Judaism. Modern secular nationalistic Zionism was further discredited in my eyes when I learned that few, if any, of the leaders of Zionism were observant Jews and that perhaps nowhere is Orthodox, traditional Judaism regarded with such intense contempt as in Israel. When I found nearly all important Jewish leaders in America supporters for Zionism, who felt not the slightest twinge of conscience because of the terrible injustice inflicted upon the Palestinian Arabs, I could no longer consider myself a Jew at heart.


One morning in November 1954, Professor Katsh, during his lecture, argued with irrefutable logic that the monotheism taught by Moses (peace be upon him) and the Divine Laws reveled to him were indispensable as the basis for all higher ethical values. If morals were purely man-made, as the Ethical Culture and other agnostic and atheistic philosophies taught, then they could be changed at will, according to mere whim, convenience or circumstance. The result would be utter chaos leading to individual and collective ruin. Belief in the Hereafter, as the Rabbis in the Talmud taught, argued Professor Katsh, was not mere wishful thinking but a moral necessity. Only those, he said, who firmly believed that each of us will be summoned by God on Judgement Day to render a complete account of our life on earth and rewarded or punished accordingly, will possess the self-discipline to sacrifice transitory pleasure and endure hardships and sacrifice to attain lasting good.


It was in Professor Katsh's class that I met Zenita, the most unusual and fascinating girl I have ever met. The first time I entered Professor Katsh's class, as I looked around the room for an empty desk in which to sit, I spied two empty seats, on the arm of one, three big beautifully bound volumes of Yusuf Ali's English translation and commentary of the Holy Quran. I sat down right there, burning with curiosity to find out to whom these volumes belonged. Just before Rabbi Katsh's lecture was to begin, a tall, very slim girl with pale complexion framed by thick auburn hair, sat next to me. Her appearance was so distinctive, I thought she must be a foreign student from Turkey, Syria or some other Near Eastern country. Most of the other students were young men wearing the black cap of Orthodox Jewry, who wanted to become rabbis. We two were the only girls in the class. As we were leaving the library late that afternoon, she introduced herself to me. Born into an Orthodox Jewish family, her parents had migrated to America from Russia only a few years prior to the October Revolution in 1917 to escape persecution. I noted that my new friend spoke English with the precise care of a foreigner. She confirmed these speculations, telling me that since her family and their friends speak only Yiddish among themselves, she did not learn any English until after attending public school. She told me that her name was Zenita Liebermann but recently, in an attempt to Americanize themselves, her parents had changed their name from "Liebermann" to "Lane." Besides being thoroughly instructed in Hebrew by her father while growing up and also in school, she said she was now spending all her spare time studying Arabic. However, with no previous warning, Zenita dropped out of class and although I continued to attend all of his lectures to the conclusion of the course, Zenita never returned. Months passed and I had almost forgotten about Zenita when suddenly she called and begged me to meet her at the Metropolitan Museum and go with her to look at the special exhibition of exquisite Arabic calligraphy and ancient illuminated manuscripts of the Quran. During our tour of the museum, Zenita told me how she had embraced Islam with two of her Palestinian friends as witnesses.


I inquired, "Why did you decide to become a Muslim?" She then told me that she had left Professor Katsh's class when she fell ill with a severe kidney infection. Her condition was so critical, she told me, her mother and father had not expected her to survive. "One afternoon while burning with fever, I reached for my Holy Quran on the table beside by bed and began to read and while I recited the verses, it touched me so deeply that I began to weep and then I knew I would recover. As soon as I was strong enough to leave my bed, I summoned two of my Muslim friends and took the oath of the "Shahadah" or Confession of Faith."


Zenita and I would eat our meals in Syrian restaurants where I acquired a keen taste for this tasty cooking. When we had money to spend, we would order Couscous, roast lamb with rice or a whole soup plate of delicious little meatballs swimming in gravy scooped up with loaves of unleavened Arabic bread. And when we had little to spend, we would eat lentils and rice, Arabic style, or the Egyptian national dish of black broad beans with plenty of garlic and onions called "Ful".


While Professor Katsh was lecturing thus, I was comparing in my mind what I had read in the Old Testament and the Talmud with what was taught in the Quran and Hadith and finding Judaism so defective, I was converted to Islam.


Q: Were you scared that you might not be accepted by the Muslims?

A: My increasing sympathy for Islam and Islamic ideals enraged the other Jews I knew, who regarded me as having betrayed them in the worst possible way. They used to tell me that such a reputation could only result from shame of my ancestral heritage and an intense hatred for my people. They warned me that even if I tried to become a Muslim, I would never be accepted. These fears proved totally unfounded as I have never been stigmatized by any Muslim because of my Jewish origin. As soon as I became a Muslim myself, I was welcomed most enthusiastically by all the Muslims as one of them.


I did not embrace Islam out of hatred for my ancestral heritage or my people. It was not a desire so much to reject as to fulfill. To me, it meant a transition from parochial to a dynamic and revolutionary faith.


Q: Did your family object to your studying Islam?

A: Although I wanted to become a Muslim as far back as 1954, my family managed to argue me out of it. I was warned that Islam would complicate my life because it is not, like Judaism and Christianity, part of the American scene. I was told that Islam would alienate me from my family and isolate me from the community. At that time my faith was not sufficiently strong to withstand these pressures. Partly as the result of this inner turmoil, I became so ill that I had to discontinue college long before it was time for me to graduate. For the next two years I remained at home under private medical care, steadily growing worse. In desperation from 1957 - 1959 my parents confined me both to private and public hospitals where I vowed that if ever I recovered sufficiently to be discharged, I would embrace Islam.


After I was allowed to return home, I investigated all the opportunities for meeting Muslims in New York City. It was my good fortune to meet some of the finest men and women anyone could ever hope to meet. I also began to write articles for Muslim magazines.


Q: What was the attitude of your parents and friends after you became Muslim?

A: When I embraced Islam, my parents, relatives and their friends regarded me almost as a fanatic, because I could think and talk of nothing else. To them, religion is a purely private concern which at the most perhaps could be cultivated like an amateur hobby among other hobbies. But as soon as I read the Holy Quran, I knew that Islam was no hobby but life itself!


Q: In what ways did the Holy Quran have an impact on your life?

A: One evening I was feeling particularly exhausted and sleepless, Mother came into my room and said she was about to go to the Larchmont Public Library and asked me if there was any book that I wanted? I asked her to look and see if the library had a copy of an English translation of the Holy Quran. Just think, years of passionate interest in the Arabs and reading every book in the library about them I could lay my hands on but until now, I never thought to see what was in the Holy Quran! Mother returned with a copy for me. I was so eager, I literally grabbed it from her hands and read it the whole night. There I also found all the familiar Bible stories of my childhood.


In my eight years of primary school, four years of secondary school and one year of college, I learned about English grammar and composition, French, Spanish, Latin and Greek in current use, Arithmetic, Geometry, Algebra, European and American history, elementary science, Biology, music and art--but I had never learned anything about God! Can you imagine I was so ignorant of God that I wrote to my pen-friend, a Pakistani lawyer, and confessed to him the reason why I was an atheist was because I couldn't believe that God was really an old man with a long white beard who sat up on His throne in Heaven. When he asked me where I had learned this outrageous thing, I told him of the reproductions from the Sistine Chapel I had seen in "Life" Magazine of Michelangelo's "Creation" and "Original Sin." I described all the representations of God as an old man with a long white beard and the numerous crucifixions of Christ I had seen with Paula at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. But in the Holy Quran, I read:


"Allah! There is no god but He,-the Living, The Self-subsisting, Supporter of all. No slumber can seize Him nor sleep. His are all things in the heavens and on earth. Who is thee can intercede in His presence except as He permiteth? He knoweth what (appeareth to His creatures as) before or after or behind them. Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge except as He willeth. His Throne doth extend over the heavens and the earth, and He feeleth no fatigue in guarding and preserving them for He is the Most High, the Supreme (in glory)." (Quran S.2:255)


"But the Unbelievers,-their deeds are like a mirage in sandy deserts, which the man parched with thirst mistakes for water; until when he comes up to it, he finds Allah there, and Allah will pay him his account: and Allah is swift in taking account. Or (the unbelievers' state) is like the depths of darkness in a vast deep ocean, overwhelmed with billow topped by billow, topped by (dark) clouds: depth of darkness, one above another: if a man stretches out his hand, he can hardly see it! for any to whom Allah giveth not light, there is no light!" (Quran S.24: 39-40)


My first thought when reading the Holy Quran - this is the only true religion - absolutely sincere, honest, not allowing cheap compromises or hypocrisy.


In 1959, I spent much of my leisure time reading books about Islam in the New York Public Library. It was there I discovered four bulky volumes of an English translation of Mishkat ul- Masabih. It was then that I learned that a proper and detailed understanding of the Holy Quran is not possible without some knowledge of the relevant Hadith. For how can the holy text correctly be interpreted except by the Prophet to whom it was revealed?


Once I had studied the Mishkat, I began to accept the Holy Quran as Divine revelation. What persuaded me that the Quran must be from God and not composed by Muhammad (PBUH) was its satisfying and convincing answers to all the most important questions of life which I could not find elsewhere.


As a child, I was so mortally afraid of death, particularly the thought of my own death, that after nightmares about it, sometimes I would awaken my parents crying in the middle of the night. When I asked them why I had to die and what would happen to me after death, all they could say was that I had to accept the inevitable; but that was a long way off and because medical science was constantly advancing, perhaps I would live to be a hundred years old! My parents, family, and all our friends rejected as superstition any thought of the Hereafter, regarding Judgment Day, reward in Paradise or punishment in Hell as outmoded concepts of by-gone ages. In vain I searched all the chapters of the Old Testament for any clear and unambiguous concept of the Hereafter. The prophets, patriarchs and sages of the Bible all receive their rewards or punishments in this world. Typical is the story of Job (Hazrat Ayub). God destroyed all his loved-ones, his possessions, and afflicted him with a loathsome disease in order to test his faith. Job plaintively laments to God why He should make a righteous man suffer. At the end of the story, God restores all his earthly losses but nothing is even mentioned about any possible consequences in the Hereafter.


Although I did find the Hereafter mentioned in the New Testament, compared with that of the Holy Quran, it is vague and ambiguous. I found no answer to the question of death in Orthodox Judaism, for the Talmud preaches that even the worst life is better than death. My parents' philosophy was that one must avoid contemplating the thought of death and just enjoy as best one can, the pleasures life has to offer at the moment. According to them, the purpose of life is enjoyment and pleasure achieved through self-expression of one's talents, the love of family, the congenial company of friends combined with the comfortable living and indulgence in the variety of amusements that affluent America makes available in such abundance. They deliberately cultivated this superficial approach to life as if it were the guarantee for their continued happiness and good-fortune. Through bitter experience I discovered that self-indulgence leads only to misery and that nothing great or even worthwhile is ever accomplished without struggle through adversity and self-sacrifice. From my earliest childhood, I have always wanted to accomplish important and significant things. Above all else, before my death I wanted the assurance that I have not wasted life in sinful deeds or worthless pursuits. All my life I have been intensely serious-minded. I have always detested the frivolity which is the dominant characteristic of contemporary culture. My father once disturbed me with his unsettling conviction that there is nothing of permanent value and because everything in this modern age accept the present trends inevitable and adjust ourselves to them. I, however, was thirsty to attain something that would endure forever. It was from the Holy Quran where I learned that this aspiration was possible. No good deed for the sake of seeking the pleasure of God is ever wasted or lost. Even if the person concerned never achieves any worldly recognition, his reward is certain in the Hereafter. Conversely, the Quran tells us that those who are guided by no moral considerations other than expediency or social conformity and crave the freedom to do as they please, no matter how much worldly success and prosperity they attain or how keenly they are able to relish the short span of their earthly life, will be doomed as the losers on Judgement Day. Islam teaches us that in order to devote our exclusive attention to fulfilling our duties to God and to our fellow-beings, we must abandon all vain and useless activities which distract us from this end. These teachings of the Holy Quran, made even more explicit by Hadith, were thoroughly compatible with my temperament.


Q: What is your opinion of the Arabs after you became a Muslim?

A: As the years passed, the realization gradually dawned upon me that it was not the Arabs who made Islam great but rather Islam had made the Arabs great. Were it not for the Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), the Arabs would be an obscure people today. And were it not for the Holy Quran, the Arabic language would be equally insignificant, if not extinct.


Q: Did you see any similarities between Judaism and Islam?

A: The kinship between Judaism and Islam is even stronger than Islam and Christianity. Both Judaism and Islam share in common the same uncompromising monotheism, the crucial importance of strict obedience to Divine Law as proof of our submission to and love of the Creator, the rejection of the priesthood, celibacy and monasticism and the striking similarity of the Hebrew and Arabic language.


In Judaism, religion is so confused with nationalism, one can scarcely distinguish between the two. The name "Judaism" is derived from Judah-a tribe. A Jew is a member of the tribe of Judah. Even the name of this religion connotes no universal spiritual message. A Jew is not a Jew by virtue of his belief in the unity of God, but merely because he happened to be born of Jewish parentage. Should he become an outspoken atheist, he is no less "Jewish" in the eyes of his fellow Jews.


Such a thorough corruption with nationalism has spiritually impoverished this religion in all its aspects. God is not the God of all mankind but the God of Israel. The scriptures are not God's revelation to the entire human race but primarily a Jewish history book. David and Solomon (peace be upon them) are not full-fledged prophets of God but merely Jewish kings. With the single exception of Yom Kippur (the Jewish Day of Atonement), the holidays and festivals celebrated by Jews, such as Hanukkah, Purim and Pesach, are of far greater national than religious significance.


Q: Have you ever had the opportunity to talk about Islam to the other Jews?

A: There is one particular incident which really stands out in my mind when I had the opportunity to discuss Islam with a Jewish gentleman. Dr. Shoreibah, of the Islamic Center in New York, introduced me to a very special guest. After one Jumha Salat, I went into his office to ask him some questions about Islam but before I could even greet him with "Assalamu Alaikum", I was completely astonished and surprised to see seated before him an ultra-orthodox Chassidic Jew, complete with earlocks, broad-brimmed black hat, long black silken caftan and a full flowing beard. Under his arm was a copy of the Yiddish newspaper, "The Daily Forward". He told us that his name was Samuel Kostelwitz and that he worked in New York City as a diamond cutter. Most of his family, he said, lived in the Chassidic community of Williamsburg in Brooklyn, but he also had many relatives and friends in Israel. Born in a small Rumanian town, he had fled from the Nazi terror with his parents to America just prior to the outbreak of the second world-war. I asked him what had brought him to the mosque? He told us that he had been stricken with intolerable grief ever since his mother died 5 years ago. He had tried to find solace and consolation for his grief in the synagogue but could not when he discovered that many of the Jews, even in the ultra-orthodox community of Williamsburg, were shameless hypocrites. His recent trip to Israel had left him more bitterly disillusioned than ever. He was shocked by the irreligiousness he found in Israel and he told us that nearly all the young sabras or native-born Israelis are militant atheists. When he saw large herds of swine on one of the kibbutzim (collective farms) he visited, he could only exclaim in horror: "Pigs in a Jewish state! I never thought that was possible until I came here! Then when I witnessed the brutal treatment meted out to innocent Arabs in Israel, I know then that there is no difference between the Israelis and the Nazis. Never, never in the name of God, could I justify such terrible crimes!" Then he turned to Dr. Shoreibah and told him that he wanted to become a Muslim but before he took the irrevocable steps to formal conversion, he needed to have more knowledge about Islam. He said that he had purchased from Orientalia Bookshop, some books on Arabic grammar and was trying to teach himself Arabic. He apologized to us for his broken English: Yiddish was his native tongue and Hebrew, his second language. Among themselves, his family and friends spoke only Yiddish. Since his reading knowledge of English was extremely poor, he had no access to good Islamic literature. However, with the aid of an English dictionary, he painfully read "Introduction to Islam" by Muhammad Hamidullah of Paris and praised this as the best book he had ever read. In the presence of Dr. Shoreibah, I spent another hour with Mr. Kostelwitz, comparing the Bible stories of the patriarchs and prophets with their counterparts in the Holy Quran. I pointed out the inconsistencies and interpolations of the Bible, illustrating my point with Noah's alleged drunkenness, accusing David of adultery and Solomon of idolatry (Allah Forbid) and how the Holy Quran raises all these patriarchs to the status of genuine prophets of God and absolves them from all these crimes. I also pointed out why it was Ismail and not Isaac who God commanded Abraham to offer as sacrifice. In the Bible, God tells Abraham: "Take thine son, thine only son whom thou lovest and offer him up to Me as burnt offering." Now Ismail was born 13 years before Isaac but the Jewish biblical commentators explain that away be belittling Ismail's mother, Hagar, as only a concubine and not Abraham's real wife so they say Isaac was the only legitimate son. Islamic traditions, however, raise Hagar to the status of a full-fledged wife equal in every respect to Sarah. Mr. Kostelwitz expressed his deepest gratitude to me for spending so much time, explaining those truths to him. To express this gratitude, he insisted on inviting Dr. Shoreibah and me to lunch at the Kosher Jewish delicatessen where he always goes to eat his lunch. Mr. Kostelwitz told us that he wished more than anything else to embrace Islam but he feared he could not withstand the persecution he would have to face from his family and friends. I told him to pray to God for help and strength and he promised that he would. When he left us, I felt privileged to have spoken with such a gentle and kind person.


Q: What Impact did Islam have on your life ?

A: In Islam, my quest for absolute values was satisfied. In Islam I found all that was true, good and beautiful and that which gives meaning and direction to human life (and death); while in other religions, the Truth is deformed, distorted, restricted and fragmentary. If any one chooses to ask me how I came to know this, I can only reply my personal life experience was sufficient to convince me. My adherence to the Islamic faith is thus a calm, cool but very intense conviction. I have, I believe, always been a Muslim at heart by temperament, even before I knew there was such a thing as Islam. My conversion was mainly a formality, involving no radical change in my heart at all but rather only making official what I had been thinking and yearning for many years.