TKD Hurts My Legs, Fatigue Hurts My Mental Stability

I tell you, having not to practice your martial art exercise consistently may leave your muscles all sore and torn up. Imagine having to do 100 times of variety of kicking style on each leg and feeling dehydrated at the same time - it's like you are in hell, that's for sure!

I am so tired, exhausted is the right word I guess. Not to mention that I didn't eat anything today. Yet before going to the TKD practice, I was toiling with water hose for cleaning up the dirty and stinky drains for Fasa 3C of Taman Melur. The gotong royong was done because of the recent occurence of Dengue disease in our neighborhood. I was half wet, going into the drain and delved my hands into the pitch black drain water in order to get all the trash out from the draining system. Not to mention that it was a scorching hot today.

Feeling weary after the TKD, I drove straight to TTDI hoping to meet my friend and probably got to have a drink with her. Perhaps because I was so dizzy from doing turning kick and hook kick, I made a few U turns along the LDP highway because I wasn't sure if that is the road leading to TTDI. Ha ha ha, for the first time ever, I was certainly confused like hell in a car.

By the time I got to TTDI, we couldn't meet because she had something else to do. I didn't have any choice except to turn back to Ampang and started to drive like F1 driver. This time, anger fueled my driving skill because some idiots in BMW moved very much slow like 'kereta lembu' while I was trying to get out from the junctions in front of OU Shopping Complex. Realizing that I couldn't afford to miss my Maghrib prayer, I practiced my evasive driving skill on LDP road all the way to Federal Highway. I thought the Wira was fast enough but my fatigue catched me even faster. I started to sing with all my heart, even Luciano Pavarotti could not outmatch me with my voice was at the top of my lungs. God knows if my voice could kill anyone who heared my singing!

I reached my house at 8.10 pm after racing through traffic jam, missing junctions, slow car on fast lane and moron drivers who don't even know how to que properly on road. I am tired, exhausted, sleepy and hungry. I didn't eat anything yet from this morning until now. And my mom didn't cook anything for today.

Feeling pissed off, I better go and get shower and perform my prayers.

Nasi Dagang Party at Rasta, TTDI



Semalam memang best gilak babeng ding dong sebab dapat makan nasi dagang yang dimasak khas oleh suami Kak Elida. Tak ketinggalan keropok lekor, jambu dan colek, kuih bom dan juga acar. Walau pun makanan tak banyak, tapi suasana yang diwujudkan masa gathering tu memang best.



Nasi Dagang party ni sebenarnyer dibuat bagi meraikan kejayaan blog Pok Ku yang dipilih sebagai blog Malaysia terbaik. Memang patut pun sebab content yang menarik, plus gaya bahasa yang bersahaja tapi penuh dengan intonasi humor. Aku memang suka baca blog Pok Ku - we can try to immerse ourselves in different perspective or take lesson from his valuable experiences.



Sangat berpuas hati lah walau pun aku makan tak banyak. Tangki agak penuh jugak la sebab tibai nasi dagang and lain-lain lagi. Paling seronok dapat berjumpa dengan orang-orang yang turut menulis blog. Pertama kali berjumpa dengan orang-orang sebegini. Semuanya ramah, semuanya mesra and semuanya best. Aku rasa aku paling banyak borak dengan Jordan Macvay, a Canadian married to Malaysian lady and also his wife, Kak Leen.

Kalau selalu Kak Elida wat camnih kan, sure seronok. I'm sure many people don't mind to chip in some money and energy as well. Excited gak la sesikit dapat jumpa ex TV3 newscaster cam Kak Elida herself and her colleague, Suhaimi Sulaiman. Good time...good time!

New Life, New Environment and New Hopes/Problems

See, people believe when we move to some place, we ought to be bombarded by many new things. Such can be delightful or simply unwelcome. Fortunately coming back to the ol' place isn't that bad. Except it comes together with new sets of problem which put me in new domain - realm of reality.



Yes, when reality hits, ouccchhh...it hurts!

I thought things could get any easier once I arrived in Kuala Lumpur. Oh well, I must say God is sooo glad to see me here and He poured me with so many 'tests'. Perhaps He loves me very much because I heard only people who are shy from hardship are not loved by the Lord. But why do I have to take so much things from You lately? Sorry God, I don't mean to lament on you - I just don't think I could take any shit anymore. Please end this episode of pouring-full-of-craps-on-me, thy Lord??

Anyhow, coming back to KL is like travelling to a new place. New environment where fogs are replaced by smokes, dirty air and reckless M'sian drivers. Does anybody agree with me on that matter? Ahhh well, I can take smokes and dirty air (it looks just like a part of New York City without any Chikanos walking all over) but I simply abhor reckless drivers. They can drive me nuts. Long before this I rarely swear on road or getting pissed off but now, I even show my middle finger before my steering wheel and quietly cursing those lunatics on road.

It has been 1 week I stepped my feet on this blessed soil. So many roads have changed (duhhh, it's like it never been changed for the past 2 years!!), so many buildings have arisen and so many people have changed. I changed as well. Mentally and emotionally. Errr...okay, physically as well!



I also had a chance to celebrate Eidul Adha in Kuala Krai, Kelantan together with my family members except for Along. Unfortunately he didn't get any vacation from his employer other than the standard two-days holiday of Eid Adha. It's good meeting with my relatives, refreshing the camaraderie amongst us. Some of my cousins don't recognize me. That shouldn't be a surprise at all.

Anyway, I think I should stop whining like a mule for today. Life is great (like Pick Yin's blog) and don't whine, instead, let's shine!

Below is exactly what I had experienced while travelling either from or to US.

Spread your legs and smile!
Shashi Tharoor
Taken from Newsweek, Oct. 11th, 2004.

I’ve been a frequent flier since I was 6, when my parents packed me off to a boarding school far from home. Working at the united nations for the past 20 years has only confirmed my blasé attitude toward air travel. For me, airport terminals have become almost as familiar as my own living room.

At least, they had until recently. Security checks existed long before 9/11, of course. But lately they seem to have entered another dimension. One friend is so fed up that he simply refuses to fly anymore. He can’t stand the routine – taking off his shoes, putting them through the screening device, lacing them up again. Not to mention the frisking, or that bleeping wand pushed into awkward places.

A less fastidious sort, I’ve simply taken to wearing slip-on loafers. Not my style, but less of a hassle. The war on terror demands concessions from us all. But must they be so… embarrassing?

Once upon a time, I’d check all my luggage so that I could casually stroll aboard with a newspaper and thick paperback. A sturdy suitcase secured with a combination lock ensured that I arrived with everything I’d packed. Now security wants you to leave the bag open so they can examine its contents. Could this be linked to the stories of pilferage that have proliferated on the frequent-flier circuit? I now pack so many of my valuables into a carry-on that I struggle onto flights more like an overburdened donkey than the carefree traveler I once was. As for my book, not long ago they took it away to a one of those new-tech compressors to see if they could blow it up!

Of course, your hand luggage is subject to the most thorough check of all, especially if (like me) you might pass for Middle Eastern. I don’t mind strangers (even wearing latex gloves) sifting through my possessions. But must the most intimate items be held up to dubious inspection, accompanied by loud calls to supervisors? Surely my tongue cleaner – an Indian hygienic device that involves a U-shaped loop made of stainless steel – couldn’t be repurposed for use in a hijacking. Woe betide the inevitable day I’m asked to demonstrate it. Just say aah…

If this is all you have to go through, you’re lucky. We all know people who, for one reason or another, always seem to be ‘randomly’ selected for more thorough secondary screening. In my experience, they seem to be picked in inverse relation to the likelihood of their being at terrorist – elderly grandmothers making their way through security on a walker, say, or white haired senators from Massachusetts. Perhaps they’re chosen for their entertainment value, like that American businesswoman quizzed about her vibrator, colleagues looking on and sniggering? Or the mother carrying breast milk in a bottle for her baby, who was ordered to drink it to prove it wasn’t a lethal toxin. A colleague tells me about his handicapped young son who flies with an oxygen tank. How do we know it’s not a deadly poison gas, security wanted to know – failing to note that the kid breathing the stuff hadn’t dropped dead.
Every time you think you’ve got the formula down-slip-on shoes, no nail clippers, nothing in your luggage that you couldn’t bear showing to the world – some new complication arises. It’s not enough that you have to open your laptop, empty your pockets, loosen your belt, shed your jacket, spread your arms, and legs and prepare to be violated. No, you have to smile through the whole ordeal. Because if you don’t, if you dare to complain, they really come down on you.

O for the vanished innocence of yesteryear. I feel sorry for 6-year-olds who fly today.

She, For The Last Time

I've been keeping this card for a long time, since the day I left M'sia for the first time on August 11th, 1999. I've been holding on to this card like it's my own soul. Never let anything bad happens to it. But now, I decided to throw it away. I don't want to bring it home nor want to keep it anymore. My baggage is heavy enough, not to mention the emotional baggage as well.

Here how the card's content,

Assalamualaikum,
Dear Farid, congratulations coz you can further your study abroad. I really proud of you. The small prize is for your achievement and the other prize is for your birthday. If I am not mistaken, you will celebrate your 19th birthday this month, right? I hope you will like it.

I just want you to know that knowing you really gives me a lot of sweet memories. Before this there were no other guys who love like you do. Even the one who already passed away never love me like you did. Thanks for all that. I really appreciate it.

Tapi aku terkilan kerana selepas apa yang terjadi, kita tak serapat dulu. Dan itu terjadi adalah kerana silap aku sendiri yang cuba menjauhkan diri dari kau. Itu memang kesilapan besar yang telah aku lakukan. Aku akui memang aku terasa kehilangan kau, there no more emails and so on. But it's okay lah.

Aku tahu kau marah dengan aku kan? Aku tak pernah layan kau dengan baik. Not like what you did.

After this, I hope our relationship will be everlasting. I hope you can forget for what had happened. I am going to miss you.

Miss N A

Hmmmppp..that was long time ago. I was 19 and I was naive. She was my first crush. My huge crush. But still I could not forget her face when we met at the airport nor can't I forget her face when I first met her. Yes I was angry at her but never once raised my voice upon her. I guess that was my mistake. And my other mistake is, I thought I tried hard enough. Apparently, it wasn't enough. I should have tried harder.

But now, I am throwing out this card from her because I want to throw all the memories about her and never talk about her anymore in my life. Anymore.

Nak pikir-pikir

Apa ada pada perbedaan budaya? Apa ada pada perbedaan pendapat/tafsiran politik? Apa ada pada perbedaan bahasa dan tuturkata? Apa ada perbedaan kepercayaan dan ilmu tauhid?

Kita ini semuanya manusia. Datang bila masanya, pergi bila masa tiada. Masa yang ada tak lama, cuma sekejap saja.

Sudah-sudahlah fikir hal perut sendiri. Sudah-sudahlah fikir hal tembolok sendiri. Sampai bila nak beririhati, sampai tua dan dah dekat nak mati? Elok-elok, bila mati orang semua benci. Haaa..baru padan muka sendiri!

Jom kawan-kawan, jom tolong mangsa tsunami. PAS boleh hantar sukarelawan tak perlu kaji-kaji. UMNO kata, depa kena kaji, baru boleh bantu lebih ramai lagi. PAS sudah hantar dua pasukan perubatan ke Banda Acheh, UMNO masih lagi kata mereka tengah dok cari sapa mau pergi. Agaknya sampai tahun depan masih belum cukup orang yang mahu pergi.

Kalau nak bantu, bantulah betul-betul dan setimpalnya. Jangan nak bantu sebab harap dapat nama. Paling tidak pun, dapat masuk suratkhabar pampang nama. Tak kurang juga lain yang jadi mangsa, yang lain pula dapat derma. Ini semua kerja gila. Gila wang, gila nama dan gila kuasa. Kesian orang kat Penang, kesian kat mangsa di Kuala Muda. Pakat-pakat mereka semua dok menganga. Tunggu Pak Menteri datang bagi derma, itu jam dok ceria muka sebab dah dapat glamer!

Nak tahu lebih lanjut, bacalah di sini.

Terima Kasih Pada Kad Ucapan

I just want to share a few selected wishes I received from friends of Penn State. Some of them moved my heart. Some tickled me to death. Anyway, thank y'all again for all the wishes.

"Not only I feel like I'm losing a senior, but also a brother & a good friend. Thanks for everything, may Allah bless you in every litle things that you do! Good luck in life!" - Miss D.

"It's so great to know you and have you as a friend. I enjoyed having conversations, doing homeworks and hanging out with you. Now that you are graduating, I wish you all the best! You're smart, funny, dependable etc. I know you'll be great, but remember always to keep in touch! If I ever go to Malaysia, I'll call you to hang out, if you ever go to New York just call my cell, or write an email! I'll miss you" - Miss W

"Penantian adalah satu penyeksaan. Berbekalkan keimanan yang tinggi & hati yang nurani serta mulia, aku yakin Abg Farid akan berjaya menempuhi segala dugaan masa itu. Satu kajian menunjukkan bahawa hormon testosterone berada di kemuncak di usia Abg Farid. So sabar!" - Mr. K

"To big bro, nak kawin email aku..Best of luck..lepas ni takde dah lepak kat Diners usha waitress (akak yang 'up') tu..aku je lepas ni yang boleh usya. Congrats" - Mr. R

I also received gifts from my fellow Malaysians here. One of them is a cd of soundtrack from my ever-wanted-to-watch-movie Shall We Dance. Another one, I believe it's a tie pin or a collar pin (which ever it is). I need to check back with the giver in order to find out what exactly it is. Thanks again for the gifts.

I am now preparing myself to come home. I made contact with Consulate General Office in order to apply for emergency passport since my current passport is expired. On monday, insya Allah I will book a flight ticket to M'sia with my sponsor's travel agent. By the way, do you know that MAS has changed its routine route from via Dubai to via Stockolm for the flight from Newark Liberty Airport? Yes they did. Now they only fly from EWR on Sunday, Monday and Thursday. Darn it! I thought I could meet up with Syed Z, a high school buddy in Dubai if I ever stop there for transit. He and another friend of us, Ayie, is working in Dubai as civil engineer. (We used to call Syed, "Helmet", when we were in high school. Until now I couldn't figure out what exactly it means).

But can I request to transit in London? Maybe I can stop at London and stay with my cousin, Min, for a few days. But trust me, it's a bit awkward to meet with her since we haven't actually talked to each other for a long time. I mean, a veryyyyy long time!

Well, whatever lah.. I don't really care as long I can bring my butt back on Malaysia's soil. For the past years, I miss one funeral and 5 weddings and I am hoping I won't miss any of it anymore.

Layan Blues di Pagi Bersalji

Keasingan Dalam Duka oleh Jay Jay

Kelembutanmu, tiada sehalus perasaan
Untuk dilukiskan pengertian
Pada suatu percintaan
Manisnya cinta
Terselit duri yang menyakitkan
Namun ku teruskan penitian
Mendekati hatimu
Percintaan dalam sengsara
Tanpa pengertian
Namun ku iringkan keyakinan
Ketabahan tercalar luka
Dikau ku lepaskan
Setelah hati terkorban
Disusuk duri kelukaan
Kehilanganmu atas sebuah kerelaan
Walau keasingan dalam luka
Mengisi masaku

Aku cukup suka dengan lagu-lagu Jay Jay, baik dari zaman dia mula menyanyi tahun 70-an dulu sampai sekarang ni. Bila dengar lagu dia, mesti aku nak menyanyi sekali. Well in fact, lagu sapa-sapa pun kalau sedap, aku mesti tibai menyanyi sekali. Sedap tak sedap, belakang kira beb!



Anyway, si Jay Jay ni kalau tak silap aku, ada la kait mengait dengan keluarga mama. Kata kakak, Jay Jay ni pangkatnya tuk sedara bagi dia. Jadi mestilah Jay Jay ni pak sedara pada mama. Mungkin belah Tok Zainuddin kot, sebabnya Tok Mak asal dari Kuala Kangsar. Aku tak pasti pulak Tok Zainuddin dari belah mana. Mungkin dari belah baba kot? Entahlah, aku malas nak korek mengorek pasal saudara mara mama ni. Dia cikgu ajer pada aku, tapi banyak yang aku tahu pasal keluarga dia inside outside. Anyway, tutup cerita pasal mama.

Pagi-pagi waktu orang lain semua terbongkang tidur, aku dah pun terjaga kat rumah ni. Samada aku basuh pinggan mangkuk yang tersadai kat sinki, atau pun layan blues pagi-pagi buta, bergantung pada mood aku. Selalunya aku buat breakfast untuk bebudak dalam rumah ni. Semalam aku buat pancake for the first time in my life. Alhamdulillah jadi. Thank you pada Aida Dato Khalid sebab ajar aku through yahoo messenger. Kenalan dari sekolah menengah waktu sama-sama join school band. Dia drum major Convent Assunta, aku just lousy saxophone player dalam band Alam Shah.

Biasanya waktu-waktu begini aku mulakan hidup aku dengan berfikir. Fikir pasal banyak benda. Fikir pasal apa yang aku nak buat seterusnya. Aku selalu cari sekeping kertas dan tulis, "Things to do" dan tarikhnya sekali. Mula merancang aktiviti harian aku. Mungkin semua orang tahu tapi aku nak sebut juga di sini. Kalau kita setakat buat mental note without writing it down, it is 10 times likely we will not commit to what we thought in our mind. Jadi penting untuk tulis apa yang dah kita rancangkan.

Waktu favourite aku untuk berfikir selain daripada berseorangan ialah masa aku mandi pagi. Waktu air panas tengah jirus kepala tu, memang masa tu otak aku tengah berfungsi betul. Masa mandi la jugak aku sibuk nak bertinju kat dinding shower room tu. Sampai merah-merah knuckle aku tapi dah tak sakit dah. Sebab dah terbiasa menumbuk dinding batu. Entah, aku lepas geram pada dinding. Ingat, jangan lepas geram kat orang. Tu kata Abg Zakhwan, ketua bilik 2B3 masa aku dalam Tingkatan 2 dulu. Tumbuk loker besi tu tak ape, tumbuk dinding batu tu takpe, pecah batu bata masa latihan Silat Gayong tu takpe, tapi jangan tumbuk anak orang.



Buat masa ni kepala otak aku ni tengah berkepuk dengan masalah-masalah yang aku sibuk fikirkan langkah penyelesaiannya sejak dari sebelum Krismas lagi. Tadi pun aku telefon keluarga di M'sia. Sempat bincang-bincang dengan Angah dan papa. Kepala masih lagi ligat berfikir di mana akhirnya penghujung masalah aku ni. Tadi pun Caza online and dia bagi message kat aku melalui YM. Buat pertama kalinya aku luahkan apa yang aku tak cerita kat orang. Semua ayat-ayat orang putus asa sebenarnya. Semuanya ayat-ayat anti thesis pada apa yang aku percaya selama ni. Tapi mungkin pada Caza, benda-benda tu dah biasa sebab kami dah biasa sangat heart to heart talk ni.

Ah, cukuplah takat ni tulis. Nak tulis panjang-panjang tapi isi tak ada pun, tak guna. Mengeluh kosong tanpa buat apa-apa pun takkan membuahkan hasil. Cukuplah layan blues untuk hari ni.

Gugur Kemboja



Semalam, pada pagi 2 Januari 2005, kami rakan-rakan Alam Shah 9397 dikejutkan dengan berita kepulangan salah seorang daripada sahabat kami, Syarizal Hadi Zainal ke rahmatullah. Arwah diberitakan mengalami breathing failure dan meninggal di Hospital Ampang Puteri pada sekitar jam 4.30 pagi. Arwah yang sebelum ini mempunyai penyakit thyroid, mengalami sesak nafas dan gagal bernafas sebaik sahaja tiba di hospital, sebelum sempat mana-mana doktor datang memeriksa keadaannya. Arwah kemudian dibawa ke rumahnya di Bandar Tasik Selatan. Jenazahnya dimandikan dan disembahyangkan oleh ahli-ahli keluarganya, sanak-saudara, jiran tetangga dan juga sahabat-sahabat Alam Shah. Jenazah arwah dikebumikan di kampung di Seremban atas permintaan opahnya.

Aku terima berita kematian arwah dengan penuh rasa terkejut. Rasa macam tak percaya. Kali terakhir aku berjumpa dengan arwah pun masa kami sama-sama datang ke sekolah untuk ambil result SPM kira-kira 6 tahun dulu. Lepas tu tak pernah jumpa dah. Tak dengar khabar berita langsung.

Aku mula-mula kenal Syarizal Hadi aka Donut masa aku join school band. Donut main side drum and aku main saxophone. Later bila kami sama-sama dah jadi senior dalam band, Donut pegang position Drum Master aka principal drummer in drum line. Selain daripada tu, kami juga sama-sama jadi pengawas dan ketua bilik untuk bebudak Tingkatan 3. Lebih dari tu, I must say, aku tak banyak tahu pasal Donut. Aku tak tahu sangat arwah walau pun kami satu batch. Yang aku cuma tahu, ayah dia pernah jadi bos papa waktu di Pusat Latihan Polis dulu and dia ada seorang abang. Itu ajer.

Aku pernah sekelas dengan arwah masa kami dalam Tingkatan 5 Usaha. Arwah duduk di barisan belakang sekali dengan Dolah tapi di bahagian tengah kelas. Arwah selalu melawak dalam kelas. Dia pun memang cukup selamba berlawak dengan cikgu-cikgu yang mengajar kelas kami.

Setakat itu saja yang aku tahu pasal Donut. Aku harap arwah berada dalam keadaan yang tenang dan damai di alam sana. Satu kelopak bunga kemboja sudah pun gugur menyentuh bumi, tinggal lagi 109 yang masih menanti. Moga semuanya akan kekal harum seusia dunia biar pun nanti gugur ke bumi kelak.

Al Fatihah untuk arwah Syarizal Hadi aka Donut. (Aku sempat tunaikan solat jenazah ghaib untuk arwah sebelum solat subuh pagi tadi, alhamdulillah).

The Way We Were
by Barbra Streisand



Mem’ries,
Like the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? could we?
Mem’ries, may be beautiful and yet
What’s too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it’s the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember...
The way we were...
The way we were...

2004 has certainly left a monument in our heart with its tragic ending of tsunami in Sumatera which has caused millions of lives affected by it. It also made the tsunami in my heart is very much smaller comparatively. My heart goes to all the victims of tsunami. May The Lord ease their pain and sufferings and may He graces them with strong heart and will to rebound from this tragedy.

I don't know how many people out there are puzzled by my dissappearance from this blog for quite a while. The problems I have at the moment are not solved just quite yet. I'm still waiting for some confirmation and need to make a few phonecalls here and there. I have plans in my mind on how to solve them but for some unknown reasons, I couldn't find the strength to pursue the solutions. Maybe because I know the solutions will not produce the results as soon as possible. Ahh, patience is not the virtue I have at the moment. Oh boy, poor me!

I wish to say thank you to everyone who gave me word of encouragements when I was down for the past weeks. I appreciate them very much. And thanks to Aini for reminding me, "dulu kental, sekarang mesti lebih kental". Thank you for your unwavering and unstaggering support. I wonder what will Caza say to me if she knows what kind of shit am I in right now. Hmm..I probably have one or two ideas about what she will say.



Anyhow, 2005 is at the doorstep now. Waiting to be welcome with all our endless anticipation. What am I looking in this year? I don't really know. I do have plans but I don't know how to fit my plans in this year precisely. I guess why not if I just let the time takes its course and gives me cues wherever to slot in the plans here and there.

Good bye 2004 and welcome 2005. Please bring me more good times than bad times, will ya?