Gile, memang betul gile. Aku rasa kekok gila bila menulis dalam bahasa melayu. Dulu aku bermati-matian bertekak dengan Napie masa kat sekolah pasal peri pentingnya bahasa Melayu. Tapi sekarang aku pulak yang kekok nak menulis dalam bahasa sendiri.

Apa-apa pun meneruskan cerita kat sini, aku rasa aku dah lama tak menulis dalam diari aku. Selalunya aku akan tulis satu dua perkara dalam buku tu. Mungkin sebab aku sendiri tak fokus dalam hidup sekarang, sebab tu tak banyak perkara yang aku rasa berbaloi untuk dimasukkan dalam buku tu.

Okay, aku rasa ada satu benda yang berbaloi untuk aku tulis di sini. Abang telepon aku hari Sabtu lepas bila dia habis program Basic Course kat AsiaWorks. Dia kata terima kasih sangat-sangat lah sebab perkenalkan kat dia pasal program ni. Dia rasa cam best sangat-sangat. Aku pon tak tahu nak kata apa. Dok terharu sangat gamaknya. Maklumlah, tak pernah lagi aku dapat phone call macam tu daripada dia. Dia mintak aku datang graduation pada hari Ahad esoknya tapi sayang aku dah ada komitmen lain di Ipoh. Tapi bila memikirkan pasal apa yang dia kongsi dengan aku dalam phone call tu, aku terus kenselkan tiket bas aku ke Ipoh. So petang hari Ahad kelmarin aku datang graduation dia. Mama dan Babah pun ada sekali.

Itu satu.

Lagi satu bila Hj Saari Sungib telepon aku petang hari Ahad lepas aku hantar sms pada dia. Aku ucapkan tahniah pada dia sebab keluar berita pasal dia dalam majalah TELL. Aku kenal Hj Saari ni dengan nama Pak Abu. Dia dulu bekas presiden JIM yang pertama. Dulu masa aku student di Amerika, aku pernah bawak Pak Abu dan bininya berjalan dari Pittsburgh sampai ke New York, turun pulak ke North Carolina, naik pulak ke Michigan dan last sekali sampai balik ke Pittsburgh. Aku gilir-gilir drive sama dengan Syawal sampai aku demam lah bila sampai di Michigan sana. Mana tak nya, total driving hours almost 60 jam.Memang gila betullah road trip tu tapi berbaloi lah share road trip tu dengan Pak Abu.

Macam-macam yang aku dapat tahu pasal gerakan Reformasi, pasal Anwar Ibrahim, pasal pengalaman Pak Abu kena masuk dalam kem Kamunting pasal ISA. Siapa sangka, dua kali kena tahan ISA tapi sekarang dia dah jadi ADUN. Dari menjadi seorang usahawan, hidup agak senang tapi selepas tu bisnes dia bungkus sejak melibatkan diri dalam Reformasi. Kali pertama aku jumpa dia semula bila aku balik dari Amerika awal tahun 2005 dulu, aku nampak dia jual buku-buku hasil tulisan dia di majlis makan malam di Klang anjuran PAS. Ya, memang aku masih lagi aktif bersama PAS walau pun aku bukan ahli PAS. Ada rasa terpanggil sebab aku dulu Setiausaha MISNA di Amerika.

MISNA ni adalah satu NGO yang ditubuhkan sejak tahun 90an oleh para pelajar kita masa tu untuk semua professional dan pelajar-pelajar yang cenderung fikrahnya ke arah PAS. Kebetulan masa aku berusrah di ITM dulu, fikrah aku dibentuk oleh naqib usrah aku yang memang dulu bekas ahli MISNA sewaktu dia study di Amerika. Jadi bila aku lama aktif dalam MISNA sejak dari freshman sampai ke senior year, aku dilantik jadi Setiausaha (padahal aku tak ndak pun jawatan tu). Aku berhubung terus dengan Dr. Hatta Ramli, AJK Pusat PAS di M’sia. Aku juga berhubung terus dengan Ustaz Idris Ahmad, Timbalan Ketua Pemuda PAS Pusat. In fact, masa aku kena gantung untuk tempoh 3 bulan dalam tahun 2003 dulu atas tuduhan aktif bergiat dalam aktiviti pembangkang, Ustaz Misbah (Setiausaha Pemuda PAS waktu tu) offer pada aku untuk minta lawyer dari Lujnah Perundangan PAS untuk negotiate kes aku dengan PETRONAS. Aku tolak tawaran dia sebab aku rasa aku boleh handle masalah aku sendiri. Padahal diorang tak tahu yang aku menangis masa sujud atas tikar sejadah bila aku tahu aku kena balik M’sia pasal kena gantung. Aku doa pada tuhan, kalau betul lah Dia nak uji aku, aku mintak Dia kuatkan semangat aku. Aku yakin Tuhan buat cenggitu pada aku sebab Dia nak persiapkan aku untuk sesuatu yang lebih hebat dalam hidup aku pada masa depan nanti. Alhamdulillah dapat settle jugak kes tu.

Jadi sebelum Pak Abu letak telefon, dia tanya pada aku. “Haa, macam mana nak bantu kerajaan Selangor sekarang ni?”. Terkedu jugak aku dengan soalan tu. Macam mana nak jawab tu?

Nota kaki: Kalau sekarang ni aku tengok balik gambar-gambar masa aku aktif dalam MISNA dulu, aku dapat tengok muka-muka yang dapat jadi Ahli Dewan Undangan Negeri lah, Ahli Parlimen la dan macam-macam lagi. Syabas kerana antum semua masih istiqamah dalam perjuangan. Sekarang aku Cuma membantu dari jauh, berkempen dari jauh dan mengundi dari jauh. Heheheheh. (teringat wakil rakyat Wakaf Bharu, YB Pak Lah mintak kami alumni MISNA untuk datang bagi ceramah di Kota Bharu....segan silu aku tolak pelawaan dia. Maaf Pak Lah, ana segan nak berceramah!)

The Beautiful Sin City

I wrote letter to her again. Yes, for the third time. I don't know why am I writing letter to her. Perhaps it was done purely on friendship reason although I do know that the friendship is very much unwanted. Am I loser? Maybe, but I don't give any shit about it.

Anyway, there are many things going on right now. Things are not right at home. I don't feel right at home. To be honest, emotionally I don't feel like going home for tonight. I don't want to write more about that here.

Logue called me last night and requested a meeting with three of us. We need to discuss on our business venture in terms of capital expenses, equity shares and investor's position in the company. He manages to find a few investors who are interested on this idea. Now I'm a bit shocked knowing that I have not done anything substantial yet. My business plan has not reached its first page yet. I don't have anyone to blame except for myself because I was shocked and awed by the tender documents - The tender requirements require so much and I'm afraid if this new company can compete with the current competitor.

Frankly I have no experience in writing the business plan. I called up a friend in UiTM to see if he has some Finance students who know how to write this damn thing. Maybe the three of us can share the money and pay this student to write a solid business plan for us with us pouring the input to the document.

Do I feel excited about this? Of course I am and at the same time I feel scared like shit because I am truly unprepared.

Anyway, push this aside. I am writing a investment proposal for one society. I intend to use my connection to get in touch with its president and see if I can get audience with the president of this NGO. I know from a reliable source that this society has RM 12 million deposited into its account by the government. Therefore I'd like to propose an investment worth Rm 10 million to this society and hopefully I can manage to close a sweet deal out of this. The way I see it, it's really a win-win situation. They get above than average return as compare to their savings in FD and I get my commission.

My plan with the commission is to dump it into my new company. Hurmm...let's put the dateline for the company. The way I see, I can only have this company up and running by early January 2009. Whatever it is, I like to have closed the investment proposal by my birthday this year. On another note, my investment proposal of RM 2 million with one 'koperasi' is still pending. They have not brought it into the directors' meeting. I hope they are still interested with that proposal.

I can only be 28 once in my life. I may as well make full use of my young age and see where the destiny steers me.

I met GM from PETRONAS MITCO today. He is a nice gentleman, I must say. I discussed with him on the prospect of investing with Public Mutual and he is very much interested about that idea. From the way he was talking to me, it seemed to me that he would probably invest his EPF and his personal cash as well. Literally we didn't talk so much on the funds or the market but we talked more about golf. Yes, golf! Since he is a veteran player of golf and I'm still new at this game, there is so much things to learn and so much things to share. I sincerely feel that I enjoy the conversation we have and I hope both of us can be friends even he decides not to invest via me.

Before I left his office, he asked me a question. "Why PETRONAS didn't want to hire you?"



My answer is simple.

"To be honest with you sir, I'm not a bright student back in college. I don't blame PETRONAS because I know I screwed up in the interview. But I do enjoy doing what I'm doing right now".

His reply?

"It's alright. I graduated in Chemical Engineering before from U of Tennessee in 1979. I know it was tough to graduate from Ch Eng. Many of my American friends flunked in their exams. The fact that you graduated, means you pretty much can do anything because Chemical Engineering is the toughest engineering of all."

I left his office with a smile on my face. Thank you, sir!

I posted a question to my friend, MP Nurul Izzah via sms a week ago. The question is like this, "Can an MP in Federal Territory question the zakat (tithe) collection and its distribution?".

Because I have much further questions to ask.

1. How much zakat is being collected annually and how much it has been spent annually?
2. Does it follow the correct distribution? In relation to this, what is the latest count of Muslim family living under poverty line in WP?
3. Does the trend show declining, or stagnant or increasing from year to year despite the zakat distribution is being done annually? If so, how PPZ or Baitulmal responding to this issue? Does it come with any renewed modus operandi or stay with the old one?
4. Since PPZ has made it public about its zakat collection, is it possible to do the same thing with its distribution because this is public concern and it involves public fund?

I will post the same questions to my friend, ADUN Sri Setia, Saudara Nik Nazmi through sms.

Okay, I found a few poems that I wrote them myself in a folder named Personal. I believe I wrote these poems back in 2006. The poems are too much obvious la kot. Anyway, I dont know what I am writing here now. Better let the poems tell you what they can tell you.

Please Come Home

The sun will set soon
And the winter chill is sneaking in gently
I am wondering where you are gone
You left me in hurry
Oh God, shower me with your Mercy
As I am praying for her to come home
For me
Because I miss her so badly
Because I love her so deeply

If I’d ever see her again
I would get down on my knee
Asking her not to leave me
Because she is the light in me

I whisper to the passing moon
To carry my wish for the lady of mine
Please come home
Home to where you and I build
In our hearts
Where the flowers are blooming
And the birds are singing
Because you are there standing.



Promises

Promises are like the dews in the morning
They come and they go
As they please, as they wish

Dare not to promise,
Because I don’t want them to disappear
I whisper no promises to you
Because I don’t want them to vanish
Into the thin air around you

Instead
I promise to myself
To spark a fulfilling smile on your lovely face
I promise only to myself
To make you laugh and cry
Only for the good things I do to you
And for you

There is no promise
Made between you and me
Only the promise
To understand each other
And to cherish each other
For as long shall we live?
And
For as long we breathe

Because without you
My promise would be an empty meaning
Because without you
My life would be broken glasses
That, I promise you.