I remember every conversation I have...

Yeah..I do. I do remember every conversation I have with my mama. To me, she's my other world after my parents and family. She is the person I go to when I need advice on something serious. Doesn't matter what serious matter it is. She knows it.

Aku : Mama, hari tu Ayed mimpi mama.
Mama : Really, mimpi apa?
Aku : Ayed mimpi mama botak...hahahahaha..
Mama : Haa..botak kenapa? Ishhh..ni mimpi siang ke mimpi malam?
Aku : Mimpi lepas subuh.

Last night before I went to sleep, I called her. She was on the way to drive home. We talked a lot, mainly about her family. About how Abang is coping with his preparation for SPM, Kakak and her madness of AF2 and how baba too is drooling over AF2 show. And yes, about mama's intention to leave the school. I told mama, "Mama..you've been telling me this since 5 years ago. Even since I was in Form 4, and yet you're still in that school!". Mama just laughed.



I dare to tell her all the stuffs which I dont dare to tell my own mother. In fact, I even told her about my intention to join politic actively when I am done with school. And to my surprise, she remembers it. Especially when I joked about getting into Pemuda UMNO and plan to manipulate the position as UMNO member to extort people's money. Of course, cynically. Mama freaked out and started to lecture me about being honest as a politician, serving only for the purpose of bettering the society as a whole. Talking about all the virtues of which the politicians must have - which of course nowadays it's rarely seen in our society. Oh wow..imagine mama starts talking her philosophy in politic.

Aku : Mama, do you mind if I join politic?
Mama : I dont care what my children want to be for as long it's good and that's what they want to do.

I remember every time I write her an email, I never forget to mention, "I love you mama" or "I miss you mama". I wonder how she responds to such phrase. Unfortunately, such words are always failed to be delivered during our conversation. I will busy talking to her, telling her all my stories and trying very hard to tease her back. Why? Because she teases me a lot. Oh yeah, she's one bad ass teaser. Cynical too.

When I was in school, she taught me how to talk to people. How to confront people. How to treat the ladies. And many more. However, she never formally taught me in class. This came as a surprise to many people because they are perplexed by our relationship. It is suffice to say that the fate brought us together. Most senior teachers in school now know that I am her so called son. That is one of the reasons why I didn't misbehave when I was in school. Fear for disappointing her.

Mama : Mama ni garang ke? Mama tak rasa pun garang.
Aku : Sapa kata mama tak garang? You're not garang when you're with your students. But at home..ishh..Ayed pun takut ngan mama tau!
Mama : Hahahahaha...betul ek mama garang?

Sometimes I miss talking to her. Sometimes I miss listening to her voice. Encouraging me to do what I like to do. Believing in me. And I wonder where do I stand in her eyes...am I in the picture of her family or out of the picture? Time will tell.