Aku sedih la sebenarnya..entah..maybe sebab aku nak demam kot..sebab tu aku emotional sket. Satu hari ni aku asyik dok pikir, entah apa penyakit emosi gamaknya. Sebenarnya sejak dari dua tiga hari lepas aku tak dapat tidur malam dengan nyenyak. Tidur yang nyenyak pun yang aku dapat, tak lama, cuma sejam lebih ajer. Sekarang aku dah mula sakit-sakit tekak, maybe ni tanda-tanda demam bakal datang.

Aku terpikir pasal the fact that me being debab, gemok, boroi. Well...memanglah to some people bunyi macam remeh ajer. But do you know the fact that if you keep saying to one person, it will eventually degrade this person as in the end it will drive him/her to eating disorder. Maybe this is a bit pre-mature to say but I had this experience before when I was a Resident Assistant in East Hall area. Pyschologically people who are shaped by the comments given by their peers have tendency to succumb to this psychological disorder.

Kadang aku just take it as joke..and selagi boleh anggap tu semua joke bodoh ajer. Aku pernah rasa kurus, aku pernah rasa and sedang rasa camner rasanya berisi ni. But bila dengar selalu, wahhhh..rasanya macam lama-lama hal ni jadi macam penghinaan pulak. Some people will say, C'mon dude..take it easy! Oh yeah, easy for you not to hear those words or see those words pointing at you. The fact that you're big size compare to your ideal BMI is the fact that you can take it. I believe that everyone can take that sincerely. But when people keep ridiculing your physical appearance and often make it as a joke, I dont think how long I can take it. Soon or later it will burst out. And at that time, beware of my wrath because I rarely be angry, extremely rare to be angry.

The fact that I am now going to the gym nowadays not because I want to reduce my weight or to look tough or macho in front of girls. I do that because I realize the importance of exercise to your brain development (another important point I got from reading Your Miracle Brain by Jean Carper). Yes of course, the look and the weight reduction will come later because they are all in one package. And please, dont comment much on my eating behavior. I eat as I please. Yes, it's okay to comment on it once a while but to highlight it, I dont think it's a good idea.

Ahhh..I dont know why I am such in a bad temperament lately. Maybe the senior design course CH E 464 is driving my sanity to its edge (due to sleep deprivation). Maybe I am on the verge of getting sick causes all these whines. I do apologize for every word that I wrote here because I believe some of them may potentially offend anybody but I just need to get them out from my brain cells.

Sorry is asked, apology unmasked,
Though it comes with a price
But it defeats all the vice.
As apology enrich and the understanding
beseech.
May we know everyone well
and don't let relationships swell.