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hebat dilanda rindu padamu - M Nasir, Dari Kekasih Kepada Kekasih

Aku : Mama, do you remember the girl that I showed her picture to you when I was in PPP?
Mama : Hmm..I think so. Why?
Aku : Oh, she's a teacher now in Dungun. She said it's a new school - a new boarding school.
Mama : Oh..then it must be Sekolah Integrasi, isn't it?
Aku : I don't know. I think so but I know it's co-ed school. Sometimes she complaint to me. She said, it's hard to teach students nowadays. Some are just plain lazy and some are good kids.
Mama : Yes I know. But I think it's harder to teach boys than girls. Like you boys in Alam Shah! Boys tend to slack off but girls are hardworking. They do the homework, they are studious.
Aku : Alaa mama..it's just how the boys are behaving. Besides, as far as I remember, I wasnt retaliating when I was in school. I did my homework, I studied like crazy. Ah well, that's not the point here.
Mama : Okay, okay.
Aku : Mama, remember one time you told me about your students. You said, you give love to your students and your students will do anything you ask them to do.
Mama : Did I actually say that?
Aku : Yeah..you told me last year. Right in front of me when I was at your house.
Mama : Okay.
Aku : So....I told her to do exactly what you do at school. Hehehehe..give love!

Tu laa..give love. It sounds so absurd as it is. Love won't come if you go after it. But it will come and knock your door eventually. Love can come in many shapes - familial love, spousal love, friends' love. Thousand kinds of love if not million.

I remember I was crying on the way I left the school. Passing by the lower form classrooms, one by one memory of friends and foes came to my mind. I remember also Amonque hugged me like he never hugged me before. I saw tears in his eyes. (ha)FizZah(ri) wrote a long journal in my autograph book - something that I doubt he would do. Errmm...ahhh..maybe he will eventually. But one thing for sure which I did that morning next to the tv's room - I shook and kissed mama's hand and cried in front of her. Mama was calm. She tried to comfort me as she knew it wasn't the last time I met her. Yes, it's true but still though, meeting her as student and meeting her outside of the school's uniform are two different sets of mentality.

Graduating from high school did give me ample time to think about my future. I laid down the structure of my life, pretty much 10 years after SPM.

19 - 24 : Working my ass off for a degree in Ch E (what the hell was in my mind when I settled on Ch E)
25 - 26 : Working hard to earn money. If possible, start saving money to send parents to Mekah.
27 : Get married.

Hah...the plan was plain and simple. But the journey through it is not an easy one.

Ah well...at least I'm half-way through it now. So far if there is one thing I regret, it would be choosing Chemical Engineering as my major but there's no turning point here by now. Life sucks sometimes but I learn to sincerely accept it.

Oh yeah..getting married? Hahahaha..hot topic in ISR amongts the guys (in other word, Zaid is kepalanya!). When I laid out my future plan, especially the last part - I listed a criterion or at least the basic guidelines for me to 'find' my future spouse. Okay now, plain and be easy with it, ok?

She must be an English teacher (I have no clue why I pick english teacher as my future spouse, maybe because mama plays an important role in my life). She also must accept me the way I am. In other word, patience is the virtue needed to handle my personality and attitude. I guess these were the things I look into girls.

And yeah...I did meet this kind of lady. It was back in PPP. I told mama about her. In fact, I told Kak Anim as well but never told my parents. It would be a suicide case then. But I guess mummy and papa knew about it when she later came to see me at the airport with eyes filled with tears. It was a bit dramatic moment in my life. Hahahahaha..crappy stuffs..sappy one indeed but it was meaningful for me though!

Effy claimed that everytime I talked about this lady, she would know for sure I was sincerely smiling right straight from the heart. I tried to deny her. I mean...I said,"C'mon Effy, I wont that desperate, would I?". Hehehe..a self-defense mechanism is automatically turned on.

Now I slowly to forget her. It has been almost 5 years now that I carry this emotional burden. Hmm..many girls...ermm girls are not suitable to call them. Ladies are more appropriately used here. So, I met many ladies through out this journey. Some are kind, some are hot (kan Zaid kan? Kan Caza kan?), some are plain simple and interesting, some are sweet and nice to me. But deep down in my heart, none can match her until one day I met a Malay lady in UK. Yet again, it was over even before it began.

I hope by the end of this year I will be able to forget her in total. Period. Although we are still friends but I dont think I would want to see her again as it only recalls this deep infatuation I have for her.

By the way, she's the teacher I mentioned in the dialogue above with mama. She's an English teacher now, just like what I anticipated for my future spouse right after I finished high school 5 years ago.