It has been a while for me not writing anything here.

Yeah, I can easily come up with many excuses and reasons for not doing that; busy myself to the death with LP, busy achieving my 3 important goals by December, busy reasoning myself why the fuck did I sign up for LP, busy busy busy..etc.

Is it really that damning? I mean, being busy and all that.

Hmmm..excuses.

Really...I enjoy making excuses. It makes me feels good and look good. Oh yes, by giving excuse it allows me to keep my 'good image' intact.

When I screw something up, I said..."sorry i did this because yaddi yaddi yadda....". If I'm late to a confirmed appointment or scheduled meeting, I would certainly think of the 'reason' to give to them 5 minutes before I walk into the room. Voila, my image still intact and I feel good about myself.

As if it's okay that I am being late, wasting other people's time and produce reason/excuse to okay that lateness. In other words, I don't give a shit about their time and I don't care about them too. No sense of respect. Although I am late by merely a few minutes or few seconds.

As if it's okay that I don't honor my words. I said, I want to spend time with you when I am free..or when I am on break. But my action is the opposite to what I promised. Is it okay for me to do that? Is it okay for you to do that as well? Of course, I can easily produce excuses or I call it 'reason' to make up for that mishap. How about making someone else feel shitty about it? Feel disheartened. Well, it's okay for as long I can come up with good excuse. He will be alrite...she will be alrite. They would understand my 'reason' or excuses. Don't worry too much about it, ya mate?!

Bottom line is, I don't honor my words with my action. Bottom line is, it makes me a liar. Bottom line is, I am arrogant enough to people that I made my promise too. Bottom line is, I don't care at all to the people that I say I care.

Oh boy...I wonder if there is anyone out there feels the same way too. How many times we are lying to ourselves just to make us feel good, not feeling that guilty, feel like "Heyy...I just do what I could do with this fragile body/emotion"?

What's the price I pay for doing these? What's the price you pay for doing those?