A Small Measure of Peace

Baru saja lepas tonton movie The Last Samurai..masuk ni dah kali ke 5 dah aku tonton movie ni. Aku sendiri tak tahu apa appealing nya sangat movie ni pada aku. Maybe watak Samurai tu sendiri yang buatkan aku tertarik, gaya hidup Bushido, the pursue of perfection in their life...certainly it has some holistic values hidden somewhere in the movie..or maybe the whole aroma of heroic-romanticism in this movie attracts me..the hidden romance of relationship between Captain Algreen and Taka..well..I don't know.

All I know is that, this movie never fails to grasp my attention..it pulls me right to it.

And the moment I saw Capt. Algreen put on his samurai uniform, it somehow reminds me to the time when I put on my silat uniform or my tae kwon do uniform. To some people, it maybe just a uniform and it has no value whatsoever. But to us, it provides us with the spirit, the feel and the scent of survival.

Waktu pertama kali aku dengar bunyi gendang silat dimainkan di gelanggang silat, memang darah muda membuak-buak. Rasa hati nak saja aku buka langkah silat, aturkan tapak dan pandang tepat pada lawan aku di gelanggang. Samalah juga di gelanggang tae kwon do semasa aku menyertai tournament karate di Altoona. Pertama kali dalam sejarah hidup aku, aku bertanding dalam acara serangan bebas Olympic style di Altoona melawan mat salleh. Satu perasaan yang sangat berlainan once aku dah pakaikan uniform tae kwon do. Tambah lagi bila aku mulakan warm up aku dengan acara buka gelanggang yang selalu aku amalkan kalau aku nak mulakan latihan silat gayong. Kebiasaannya latihan silat gayong dimulakan dengan upacara buka gelanggang yang diketuai oleh imam gelanggang. Upacara ini dilakukan dengan membaca surah Al Ikhlas 11 kali, selawat ke atas junjungan besar Nabi Muhammad S.A.W sebanyak 7 kali, surah Al Fatihah dan sedikit doa mohon dilindungi dari segala bala bencana dan mara bahaya ke atas pesilat.

When I faced my opponent, the only thing I had in mind was to defeat him. No other thing that I could possibly think of at that time. I scrutinized all of his movements, from his eyes down to his two feet. Everything told me what was his next move could be. The irony is, who says every martial arts practitioner doesn't have fear? As much as Capt. Algreen and Katsumoto have fear of death, and so am I. I had the same fear running everywhere in my blood vessels whenever I have to face my opponent in the fighting court. I could feel my knees started to feel cold and numb. My stomach started to have a slight tingling feeling and my arms seemed could not stop from shaking. However, once I stood in the middle of court with my fists clenched, I set my mind to a victory (defeat comes later if I am destined to be defeated). Never give up..and don't ever give up and I fought till the last breath I had (or till the last whistling sound of referee's whistle).

I guess that applies to my living as well. I was known among my friends as a fighter. I went against all the odds whenever the situation didn't favor me. And I proved to the people around me that I was right. Unfortunately, I don't know if I still have that spirit anymore. Time and time I was given tests; be them good or be them bad...yet again I came through them with hesitation. If I manage to steer through the test, I will just be grateful to Him, but if I don't....I don't know what to do or maybe I will just let it goes the way it should be..

Will I be the fighter whom I used to be? Insya Allah...I pray hard to Him so my fighting spirit will never diminish and I always ask Him to grant me wisdom in handling my life, my crisis and my pain and agony..so that I will become a better person tomorrow. Hopefully whatever I ask from him will be granted and all I could ever ask from Him is just a small measure of peace in my heart.